


am i ready for love or maybe just a best friend (should there be a difference?)

by starryeyedhoe



Category: Supergirl (TV 2015)
Genre: Accidental Phone Call, Alternate Universe - No Powers, F/F, Wrong number, also some of those characters are tagged and they aren't in it yet, but guys! i have a plan! so they'll be in it later, dont worry, guys i actually have like an outline for this, they'll show up
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-04-03
Updated: 2018-07-01
Packaged: 2018-10-14 12:56:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 21
Words: 41,731
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10536912
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/starryeyedhoe/pseuds/starryeyedhoe
Summary: "It’s late. Lena knows that, yet despite the dryness of her eyes and the fatigue of her body, she was still up. Combing over the papers of this latest deal, the highlighter finding every mistake, every miswording that could lead to her company’s down fall."A strange phone call in the middle of the night winds up changing two very different lives





	1. i don't care why this apartment's so cold

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! i'm not dead yet! took a nice break to get work done (which, ha, still didn't happen...) and i had to decide between this and a dear evan hansen AU (which I will still eventually do... well if y'all want it)
> 
> i actually have an outline written to about chapter ten (a rough outline. like real rough) so this will hopefully flow better and make sense.
> 
> enjoy and if there are mistakes, my bad. i tried. (if someone wants to beta for me, that'd be chill)
> 
> work title-  
> turning out - air
> 
> chapter title  
> give me a try- the wombats

It’s late. Lena knows that, yet despite the dryness of her eyes and the fatigue of her body, she was still up. Combing over the papers of this latest deal, the highlighter finding every mistake, every miswording that could lead to her company’s down fall. The TV droned on in front of her, her feet were pulled under her, blanket draped lazily across her lap. Her glasses were perched atop her nose, and the apartment was dark, the lamp next to her and the bright light from the TV the only exceptions. After a few more pages, she looked up, blinking rapidly and trying to get some moisture back into her eyes. She could feel a slight migraine coming on and she brought a hand up to rub at her temple. Wincing, she rose from her couch and made her way somewhat blindly to the kitchen, searching around for pain reliever. When she found the bottle, she popped it open, got two pills and threw them back, dry, before leaning over her kitchen sink and turning on the faucet. She gulped in twice, letting the water wash down the medicine, shaking her head at the taste.

 

She was gripping the counter, willing the pain to go away when her phone rang. Annoyance ran through Lena at the intrusion, but she still went over to answer it. Unknown numbers were not uncommon in her line of work, so she swiped answer without a thought.

 

“Hello, this is- “

 

“Alex! What the heck! I told you to come pick me up twenty minutes ago, because my phone was going to die, and wow, shocker! My phone died! So now I’m borrowing the bar’s phone and geez the bartender is none too pleased. I always pick you up, Alex, always- “

 

“I’m afraid I’ll have to stop you there. This isn’t Alex.” Lena interrupted, but before she could continue, she heard a surprised yelp and then the monotonous tone of the phone being hung up. Worried about the stranger left at the bar, she quickly hit the redial button. After a few rings, a timid voice sounded.

 

“Um, hello?”

 

“Hello. I just received a call from this number about some girl stranded at some bar. I was about to offer some help before the phone call ended. Do you have any idea who that stranger may have been?” She was teasing and hoped the girl picked up on it.

 

“Sorry,” the voice responded sheepishly. “I didn’t mean to bother you, and all that ranting and everything, geez I’m so sorry you had to listen to that! I meant to call,” the voice rattled off the number and continued with the rambling, about how she got there, what she was doing, why her sister was supposed to get her, and how her phone had died.

 

“Well,” Lena began, “I think you got the last few numbers wrong. I’m 6674, not 6647. Do you still need someone to pick you up?”

 

“No, I’ll just call the _right_ number,” the voice giggled, _wow what a sound_ , and cleared their throat. “I’m Kara, by the way. You listened to me rant for like, fifteen minutes by now, and it’s past one a.m. so I feel bad about keeping you up.” Lena hadn’t noticed the time and balked at the hour, but still unsurprised.

 

“That’s quite alright, I had…. Work. Just some last minute things.”

 

“Ah, gotcha. I’ll let you get back to that and I’ll call my sister…” Kara trailed off, not knowing the stranger’s name.

 

“Oh! Yes, my name is Lena. Pleasure to speak to you,” the girl smiled.

 

“Pleasure to speak to you, too. Well, I should probably hang up now.”  
  
“Probably.”

 

“Bye, Lena.”

 

“Bye, Kara.”

 

 

* * *

 

Lena had washed her face, brushed her teeth, and pulled her now wet hair into a bun. She pulled back the fluffed covers, soft and inviting after a strenuous day of work. She closed her eyes to sleep, but her mind was filled with _Kara, Kara, Kara._ She wanted to know more, who she was, where she lived, it had to be in this time zone, at least, as she had said the same time as where Lena was. She had calmed her mind down finally, and as she was about to drift off to sleep, the quiet chiming of her phone brought her back. Normally she would ignore it, but hey, this night was already so strange, why not?

 

**2:18 AM**

**Unknown Number**

hey

its kara

you know, from the phone?

sorry if youre sleeping!

just wanted you to know i was ok

that’s all, ok sorry

 

Lena smiled softly at the words, the “typing” bubble appearing quickly after each message until it finally stopped.

 

**2:19 AM**

**Lena**

I’m glad you’re safe, Kara.

I also hope you gave your sister a piece of your mind

You had a lot to say earlier ;)

 

**2:20 AM**

**Kara**

oh trust me

she got an earful

good night, lena.

or i guess

good morning?

 

**2:20 AM**

**Lena**

Good morning, Kara :)

 

* * *

 

Lena already hadn’t expected the first few messages the night, or well, _morning_ , before, but surprisingly, the day found them both texting back and forth throughout. Lena had fewer meetings than average, so she allowed herself the pleasure of replying to any messages Kara had sent. They usually comprised of all caps, emojis, and those little animations of confetti or fireworks. Lena was a stark contrast. Her formal diction with perfect grammar made her worry she came across as cold to the girl, but Kara continued to message her. She had gathered through the messages that she was an assistant, not sure of who exactly yet, but whoever it is, they sent her on far out missions with fanatic wishes. Currently, Kara was at some up-and-coming Thai restaurant, trying to receive her boss’ order that had been specially prepared. Lena made the assumption that Kara’s boss must be as important as her to have that kind of power, _maybe even more important_.

 

**1:27 PM**

**Kara**

you busy?

 

Lena looked up at her desk calendar. She didn’t have a meeting for another forty-five minutes, and it was one that required little preparation.

 

**1:29 PM**

**Lena**

Not particularly, no.

Not for another forty minutes.

Why?

 

The incoming call answered her question and with a smile, she answered.

 

“Why hello,” Lena smirked as she answered. “Aren’t you busy arguing with the chef?”

 

“Not anymore!” Kara cheerily responded, and Lena assumed she was grinning from ear to ear. “He realized that it was Cat that wanted and wowza, I’ve never seen a person move so fast as he did then.”

 

“Wait,” Lena connected the dots, “You work for Cat? Cat Grant? CEO and Editor-in-Chief of CatCo Magazine?”

 

“Um, yes?” Lena could hear the wince on Kara’s face.

 

“Well, _that_ explains that. I was beginning to wonder who in their right mind needs the kinds of things she sends you out for.”

 

“Yeah, well, she’s very… _particular_ ,” Kara giggled.

 

“I can tell,” and they both fell silent, happy to just be on the phone with each other. After a few minutes, the frantic voice of the chef apologizing broke the silence, and Kara tried to calm the man down, letting him know everything was fine.

 

“Oh golly!” Kara said, and Lena made a confused face. “It’s been a half an hour! Well, I gotta head back, and I’ll let you get back to work doing… whatever it is you do!” Kara’s smiled could be heard through the phone and Lena felt herself smile back.

 

“That’s alright, Kara. Good luck getting that back to Cat. I’ll probably text you once I’m done with my meeting.”

 

“Sounds like a plan!” Lena heard the blare of a car horn. “Sorry! Geez I really should go, you’re so distracting! Talk to you later, Lena!”

 

“Bye, Kara.”

 

* * *

 

It was the first sister’s night in a while, and Alex was leaning on the couch, spoon digging through a pint of cookie dough ice cream. She poked around but to no avail; the ice cream was missing any remnants of the treat and Alex made a frown.

 

“Kara, I swear, you can _buy_ a thing of edible cookie dough now. You don’t need to ruin perfectly good ice cream and make it practically vanilla! You do these things to spite me, I swear.” As she set down the carton on the coffee table, Alex looked up to see Kara nestled in the armchair, phone in her face and smiling softly.

 

“Kara? Hey!” Kara was shocked back to reality with the pillow Alex had so lovingly chucked at her face. The action knocked her glasses off, and she blinked rapidly.

 

“Alex!” Kara exclaimed, offended. “My glasses!”

 

“Oh please, we all know you have the weakest prescription in the world because you purposely failed the eye exam test so Lucy didn’t have to be the only one to get glasses. And even now, she wears contacts. So don’t use that ‘my glasses’ bullshit on me.”

 

“ _Language_!” Kara hissed, but smiled too fondly that the words lost their bite. Alex rolled her eyes, letting out a string of expletives, and Kara covered her ears, “la, la, la”-ing like a child. Alex eventually relented, and grabbed the pillow she had tossed off of Kara’s lap. Leaning back into the couch, Alex brought out her own phone, answering Maggie’s last text, _yes to pick up more girl scout cookies, duh_ , and open the few snapchats she had yet to open. One was a video from Kara, zooming in close to her face as Alex had leaned back while watching the movie earlier, double chin coming out from the angle.

 

“You little…” and trailed off as she hopped back up, jumping on top of her sister in the armchair. “Who did you send that to? Hm?! Tell me!” Alex was ticking the blonde’s sides, her biggest weakness, and Kara cried out her surrender, tears streaming down her cheeks from the laughter.

 

“J-just y-you! I-I swear! I swear! Un-cle, Uncle!” Kara managed to squeak out through her laughter. Alex got off her sister, grinning victoriously.

 

“Oh, and Maggie,” and the mischievous glint was back in Kara’s wet eyes.

 

“Why I oughta….”

 

“Oh my gosh, are you some 1920s mobster now?” Alex just rolled her eyes once more and punched her sister a _tad_ harder than playful.

 

“Ow!”

 

“Oh shush, you! Besides, what’s got you grinning like a fool over there on your phone?”

 

“Nothing,” Kara lied, but kept her face glued to her screen. Alex eyed her suspiciously but decided not to push, and turned back to her own device. She checked the last of her notifications, then her news app. The top story: “The Next Luthor; friend or foe?” Alex scoffed.

 

“Foe, obviously.”

 

“I’m sorry?” Kara looked up from her phone, and Alex just shook her head.

 

“The newest Luthor. Trying to reclaim the name or some bul-” the glare she received stopped her, “or some _b.s._ like that. Honestly, who does she think she’s fooling? She’s going to turn out just like her brother, fund some sort of nuclear weapon or something.”

 

“Well, how do you know she won’t do good?”

 

“Oh Kara, always believing the best in people. _Trust me_ , she’s not going to do good. Not anytime soon.” Kara just nodded, returning to her phone and smiling.

 

“Well, since _you’re_ not paying attention, I guess it’s _my_ turn to pick,” and Alex scrolled through the Netflix options, before settling on the one she wants. Kara looked up just in time and then screwed her eyes shut.

 

“Oh gosh, Alex! Not this! Turn it off!” But Alex just smiled even wider, cackling manically at her sister’s response. The blonde had pulled a blanket over her head, doing the “la, la” thing again to block out the noise. Alex grabbed her beer and leaned back into the couch, free arm coming to rest behind her head.

 

“C’mon, Kar, it’s the L Word! You _have_ to finish it. It’s a part of queer television history!”

 

“One of them _better_ not get shot,” Kara mumbled under the blanket and Alex let out a loud laugh, holding her stomach and settling in for the night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that wasn't shit and that y'all like it! inspired by strangers through the phone by rochke11 (i believe) but after that it's really only loosely based. some points are used that are similar but like I'm not trying to copy the story verbatim. if it feels like that, y'all please let me know, I'm not here to plagiarize 
> 
> till next time, my loves
> 
> song rec-  
> kathleen- catfish and the bottlemen


	2. i admit that skyscraper's taste isn't all that sweet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena discovers Snapchat!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! now you will see that it is "?" for chapters. i tried to change that for the last one, but it wouldn't let me till i added another chapter. if y'all know how to get around that, hmu.
> 
> but here tis another chapter, hope y'all enjoy!
> 
> mistakes are mine, they're trying ok?
> 
> chapter title-  
> better than us - whosah

“Yes, Ms. Grant- Yes. Yes, yes I’m here right now- can’t you hear the machines? No, Ms. Grant, I have no clue how to ‘falsify the noise’… I’m standing in line as we speak… Well, yes I suppose… Yes, Ms. Grant. As soon as possible, I promise.” The phone call ended without a goodbye and Kara sighed, looking down at her phone. She closed the screen and assessed the line she was currently in. Thankfully, the line didn’t extend out the door like it did last week when it opened, but the buzz was still fresh and people were still arriving in droves. As if she didn’t know her boss’ order by heart, she recited the words she was going to say to the barista up front in her head, just so she didn’t mess up and get Ms. Grant what she didn’t want, because, _God forbid_ , they put skim milk, _hell, any kind of milk_ , that wasn’t soy or almond in her non-fat, skinny, vanilla latte. She looked back down at her phone, seeing a message from Lena, something about being stuck behind her desk already and that she was “positively dying.” The formality of the not-so stranger’s words always made her giggle; Lena sounded as if she was some British royalty, or whatever.

 

Time passed quickly as Kara and Lena traded messages back and forth. They had run out of things to say and were just sending emojis that caught their eye.

 

“Ma’am, ma’am!” the barista called, trying to catch Kara’s attention. The shouting shook Kara from her phone and she sheepishly walked towards the counter.

 

“I’m so sorry, you guys are so busy and I’m holding up the line and oh, now I’m rambling, I’m sorry!” Kara took a deep breath. “One non-fat, skinny, soy milk, vanilla latte please. And a hot chocolate, extra whipped cream.” The barista eyed her strangely at the contrasting drinks, but wrote down the order all the same. Kara paid and headed towards the pick-up counter, leaning against a wall and replying to Lena’s most recent emoji. She sent a few snapchats to her friends, maintaining her streaks or answering whatever they had sent her. She was wrapped up in her phone, and didn’t notice the tall figure walking over.

 

“Kara!” the voice boomed, and Kara jumped, almost dropping her phone. “I thought that was you! Wow, crazy running into you here, I haven’t seen you in, what is it, three months?”

 

 _Three months, 2 weeks, and five days_ , Kara thought, frozen in her spot and unable to speak.

 

“Wow, still the quiet one, huh? You should sit down, drink whatever you’re getting with me,” and the look on Mike’s face was too familiar, too forward, and Kara felt herself shrink like she did those long months ago, when she and Mike were in a relationship. When he made her feel worthless, and guilty, and as if she relied on him for forgiveness. Thankfully, the person behind the counter called out her drinks and miraculously, her limbs remembered how to move.

 

“Maybe later,” she muttered, trying to squeeze past him in the crowded shop, but his hand grabbed her elbow a little too tight, the smirk on his face just a little too intense.

 

“Call me,” and it sounded more like a demand than a question. Kara let out a small squeak, but pulled herself out of his grasp, weaved her way through the coffee shop, and out the door. She didn’t realize she had been holding her breath until she breathed in the fresh air, so deeply it felt as if her lungs expanded so far they pushed against her ribs. Somehow, her phone was back in her hand in front of her and a number was being dialed.

 

 _A number, who am I calling? Who is calling me? Are they calling me? What’s going on-_ but Kara’s thoughts were broken as she heard the voice through the speakers, quiet.

 

“Kara, Kara are you there? Hello?” _Lena_. She had somehow called Lena. Her mouth felt dry, so she took a quick sip from her drink, burning her tongue.

 

“Ow, ow, ow!”

 

“Kara? Kara what’s wrong?”

 

“Um nothing, everything is fine, I must have butt dialed you, wow, my bad. I’m sorry, you’re probably busy, I’m so sorry, please, I can just hang up-“

 

“Kara. You’re breathing way too fast. Are you sure you’re ok?” Kara thought she had calmed down, but sure enough, placing a hand over her chest, she felt it rise and fall at too quick of a pace.

 

“Kara, breathe. In to eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven…” Kara got to eight. “Now hold it for four.” They counted together, Kara in her head and Lena aloud. “Perfect, now out for six.” Once they made it, Lena made her repeat the steps till Kara was breathing normally.

 

“Are you ok, Kara? Are you somewhere safe?” Kara looked around, her vision blurred by tears she hadn’t known had fallen. Thankfully, her body had managed to turn down the street next to the coffee shop, so if Mike had left, her wouldn’t have seen her.

 

“Yeah, I’m…” Realization struck Kara about what had happened, and she blushed. “I’m so sorry! You didn’t have to- I don’t know how- My phone just- and your voice- oh no, I’m sorry-“ Lena’s rich chuckle stopped her ramblings and she took another deep breath, wiping away her tears.

 

“There’s nothing to apologize for, darling,” the name grabbed a hold of Kara’s heart in a weird way, “I’m glad you called and I’m glad you’re feeling better. If you don’t mind me asking,” the voice paused, and Kara could hear her take a deep breath, “What happened?” Kara wanted to tell her, and she was about to, until a small voice in the back of her head stopped her. _Don’t burden her with your problems. Everyone has issues, yours are insignificant. She’s asking to be polite, not that she actually cares_.

 

“Nothing, I just- I think the, uh, the coffee shop, was a little too crowded for me. That’s all.” Kara wanted to applaud herself for the lie, but something in Lena’s voice made her think the lie wasn’t as smooth as she thought.

 

“Alright… Well, please, feel free to call whenever you need me. I’m _always_ here. Ok?”

 

“Ok.”

 

“Now, I can stay on the phone till you walk back to, well, I guess work? Is that where you’re headed?” Kara nodded, but quickly realized that Lena couldn’t see her.

 

“Yeah, I was grabbing coffee for Cat from some new place that opened up last week.” Kara began her trek back to work, willing her still shaking legs to carry her.

 

“Oh really? Hmm, no new places have opened near me. A shame, truly. What did you get?”

 

* * *

 

After the episode earlier today, Kara feels that, for some reason, the relationship between her and Lena has progressed. Not everyone is willing, or knows how, to calm someone who is panicking, nor do they stay on the phone with them all the way back to work and up the elevator to the correct floor, only hanging up on the persistent chiding that “I have to get back to work, Cat will get mad.”

 

Alex was coming by later, pizza and potstickers on the menu, but Kara was alone on her couch, trying to watch some new Netflix series. Lena had been checking in with her all day, whenever she could, and Kara felt her heart tug at the woman’s concern. Something was nagging in the back of her head, _not the voice from earlier_ , but something different. Before she stopped herself, she typed out the message.

 

**7:42 PM**

**Kara**

do you have a snapchat?

if you do, can i have it?

it’s ok if not

really

i don’t want to push

 

* * *

 

The message was bright on the small screen on Lena’s phone, placed in her lap. She felt the panic rise in her, the idea of revealing herself to Kara too much. She had heard her sister in the background of a few of their phone calls, talking badly about “the youngest Luthor” regarding any press or articles. She wasn’t sure how Kara felt about her, but she had the sinking suspicion that Kara would reflect her sister’s ideals. She didn’t have the social media platform, but she knew what it entailed; sending pictures, either of yourself or of something random. But Kara was most definitely asking to see her, she was sure.

 

The messages still sat, unanswered, until a buzzing brought her out of her thoughtful daze.

 

**7:45 PM**

**Kara**

geez i’m so sorry

that was really invasive

just forget it, it’s totally ok :)

 

Lena opened up the app store and found what she was looking for. It took some time for the app to download, but once it did, she pressed it and followed the sign up instructions. She created her username and sent it off to Kara. The reply was a variety of smiling emojis, hearts, and those little explosion, confetti things, and then the notification popped up that “kkdandan23” added her on Snapchat. Smiling, she added her back, her username being “lipsticklena83”, trying to avoid using her last name.

 

**7:50 PM**

**Kara**

is it ok if i send you one?

 

Lena’s heart clenched that Kara asked her first before sending a picture.

 

**7:51 PM**

**Lena**

Yes, that’s alright

 

Soon after, her phone buzzed with a new, yellow notification. “Snapchat From: Kara *three heart emojis*.” How the hell did she add those to her name? Lena shook her head, confused, then opened it. She had been picturing the voice behind the phone; Kara had to be made from sunshine and happiness, her sunny demeanor radiating even through a call, miles away. However, Lena wasn’t prepared for what she was met with when she opened the shapchat.

 

It was Kara. It was actually Kara. And _dammit_ , if Lena was already falling for her voice and her mind, Kara’s face just sunk her further. Her golden hair was in two braids, dark glasses framed her face, eyes closed as she was fist pumping in the air. Lena was _not_ looking at the skin that had revealed from Kara’s position. _You useless lesbian._ The message said something along the lines of “cheering that you got a snapchat” or “yay! You did it!” something like that. Lena was too distracted by the beautiful person on screen. The ten seconds were over before she knew it, the bright white of the main screen shaking her from her reverie. The anxiety washed over her again, and she worried her lip. She _needed_ to send a picture of herself back to Kara. It was unfair for Kara showing herself and Lena not reciprocating. Quickly, she changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt, letting down her hair from its tight bun to loose curls creating by the former twist her hair had been forced into for the day. She took off most of her makeup, minus mascara, and put her reading glasses on her face. They were square and black, but they would obscure most of her face. She didn’t take selfies often, so she wasn’t sure how to properly orient herself for the most optimal image, so she took a few, trying various poses and lighting. The picture Kara took seemed to be so natural, but Lena just wasn’t making it work. She dropped her phone on the pillow in her lap, sighing deeply, aggravated at herself. She couldn’t just leave the woman hanging, so she grabbed her phone once again, taking a deep breath. She finally got one that wasn’t _terrible_ , so she hit send before she could think about it.

 

Those thirty seconds felt like thirty minutes, but the buzzing had Lena opening her phone up so quickly and took a breath before opening the message. Kara had somehow put dog ears and a dog nose on her face, her eyes were open, and _God, were they blue_ , and the text joked that they both had glasses. The puppy face suited Kara more than she probably realized, and Lena was once again disappointed when the snapchat went away. She shot off a text to Kara, asking how the _hell_ she got that dog thing on her face, and admitting her glasses were for reading.

 

**8:02 PM**

**Kara**

bahahaha  XD

you press and hold on your face in the camera

and then it gives you options called filters

theyre fun!

 

Lena followed Kara’s instructions, and found a wide array of “filters” for her to use. She settled for the dog one as well, and sent it. Kara sent back one with bear ears and a nose, her face looking like it was air brushed.

 

And that’s how the night went on, the two sending each other weird selfies or things around their apartments, Kara teaching Lena how to make a Bitmoji, so “even though we can’t hang out, they can!” It was time for Lena to go to sleep, her work she brought home practically untouched, but her heart was full. One last notification buzzed, and a snapchat greeted her, Kara making a “kissy” face, saying good night. Lena buried her face into the pillow, feeling a strong blush take over her cheeks.

 

“Good night, Kara,” Lena whispered to the darkness around her, smile gracing her features as she fell peacefully to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all enjoyed! this was kind of only a little plot heavy but like, snapchat! so distracting!
> 
> leave me a comment if you feeling zesty, or hmu @starryeyedhoe on tumblr bc sometimes i talk about my pics and i like when people send me asks/messages/validate me!
> 
> until (probably) tomorrow!
> 
> song rec-  
> clap snap - icona pop


	3. fill my cup, the world's not empty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena drops off the face of the Earth and OH GOD IS SHE DEAD?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello friends! so i hope y'all like this, it might be a little over the place, my b. I'm just a little distracted and my life is falling apart :)  
> BUT GOOD NEW SPRING BREAK IS AT THE END OF THIS WEEK. and i get to go home and see my mama so thats good. but here, have this, enjoy 
> 
> mistakes are here, and here to stay (unless they're really bad)
> 
> chapter title-  
> repeat - young the giant

Kara could feel the judging looks as she strolled down the sidewalk, phone in front of her face. She didn’t really care, the conversation with Lena more important than politeness. Yes, it was just about favorite foods, but that topic was practically the most important thing in Kara’s world! It required her full attention! She had explained, in detail, with pictures for evidence, that potstickers were her favorite food, but _honestly Lena, how can I decide?_ She was still trying to pull Lena’s favorite food out of her. She had gotten her to admit that, yes, she did like _a certain food_ but she was not disclosing that information to Kara. Kara insisted on asking why, when Lena had responded.

 

**8:32 AM**

**Lena**

That way, if we ever meet

I can take you there

 

Kara blushed furiously, and it was probably this distraction, _this promise_ , that caused her to collide with someone. She stumbled out apologies, sincerity etching her features The person was also on their phone, a call instead, and just waved her off, continuing his conversation. Kara had been stopped in front of a newsstand and she took in her surroundings. _Shoot_ , she thought, _how did I manage to_ pass _CatCo?_ Her eyes fell to a CatCo magazine in the stand, dread filling her as she realized she was going to be a fraction late, well, _on-time_ , because Kara insisted on being fifteen minutes early. It was then her eyes settled on the subject of the magazine. _The Youngest Luthor_ , and she felt Alex’s influence rise in her. She chided herself, that she didn’t even know this person, why should she be judging them? Despite this, she still felt uneasy, not knowing this new Luthor’s intentions.

 

The buzz of her phone made her cognizant of the time and she rushed off, hurrying back towards her work, not bothering to look at her phone as to not be distracted. One she made it inside and on to the correct floor, she was only _five_ minutes early. Winn, her best friend and desk mate, looked over at her with an eyebrow raised.

 

“Not the usual time, Kar. What held you up, _aliens_?” Kara rolled her eyes at this teasing, quickly arranging all her things for the day.

 

“Ha, ha. Very funny. No I just.. I was distracted and walked past CatCo… That’s all.”

 

“THE Kara Danvers?! Distracted?! Well, guys, gals, and non-binary pals, Kara Danvers was _distracted_! A feat nary seen before!” Winn was about to start up again before the ding of the elevator notified the floor of Cat Grant’s presence. She swept in as she normally did, tossing out orders here and there, approving, more often than not, rejecting, projects, and listened as Kara rattled off the list of things to be accomplished for the day. Just the two of them walked into her office, Cat in the middle of one of her usual rants when Kara’s phone _dinged_.

 

“Kiera,” Cat looked shocked at the interruption. “Kiera was that-“

 

“Oh my gosh, Ms. Grant! I’m so sorry, I forgot to turn it on silent,” Kara fumbled for the switch but managed to drop all her papers. She was on the floor, trying to scoop them together, as her phone dinged again. She finally righted herself and popped back up, Cat’s face wide with amusement and disbelief.

 

“Well, if you’re done making a fool of yourself, Kiera, I have some errands for you. Unless you’re too _busy_ ,” she pointed looked at the notifications on Kara’s phone.

 

“N-No Ms. Grant! Not at all!” After a few more minutes, and Cat listing off all of Kara’s duties, Kara left the office, face still red from her embarrassing interaction. She plopped down into her chair, defeated and Winn looked over at her, eye raised.

 

“Wooooow,” he smirked, “that was simultaneously the best and worst time for Cat to have glass all around her office. Good for me, bad for you.” Kara just huffed in annoyance and slunk in her chair, phone in her hands. The messages were from Lena.

 

**8:45 AM**

**Lena**

I’m sorry if that was too forward

 

**9:02 AM**

**Lena**

I suppose I’ll really be making a fool of myself now

Just forget I said anything

I’m sorry

 

Kara quickly responded, not wanting Lena to feel like she as pushing too hard.

 

**9:10 AM**

**Kara**

lena im so sorry

I was at work and had to talk to my boss

(like usual, not like im in trouble)

if we ever do meet up, id like you to show me :)

 

Taking a deep breath, she hoped that Lena wasn’t angry with her. The answer came a short while later, Lena responding to her. Kara shot off a quick “gotta go, working” text, then silenced her phone, getting started on today’s tasks.

 

* * *

 

She had texted, snapchatted, even called Lena at lunch, yet no response. She was getting worried, but she knew Lena had a far busier schedule than her. But as the day went on, and she still got nothing from her, the worry settled in further. She tried again at dinner, trying not to let Lena see the concern, just casual messages, but she still got nothing back. _Was Lena still mad at her from earlier? Had she ruined it by not replying sooner? Oh no, Kara…_

 

It was game night, and the whole gang was there. Lucy was on-leave and she had never seen James so happy that she was here. It’s always hard seeing a loved one go off, but having them come back in one piece was always so relieving. He’d been stressed beyond belief for the past few months, but he was visibly relaxed now. Alex was in the kitchen, wrapped around Maggie’s waist, as the tinier girl tried to finish up the snacks. She playfully swatted at Alex’s hands, the two in their own moment.

 

“I’m glad you’re here Lucy,” Winn began, smiling at the woman. “We’ve been uneven numbers since-“ Winn was cut off with a glare from all those around him, Kara just looking at the floor. She rushed off to her room, claiming that she needed to check something in there. She leaned up against the door once it was closed, and took a deep breath, closing her eyes. She thought of… well, she thought of Lena. How she had helped her last time, what she had said. She fumbled in her pockets for the phone, and pulled it out. Lena still hadn’t replied, but she dialed her number anyway, hoping she would pick up. Just for this. Just this once.

 

She didn’t.

 

Kara pressed her hands to her stomach, phone still clenched in one. She tried to breath like Lena had told her. After a while, she got the pattern down, and she felt her body return almost to normal. Once she was back, she rested her head back against the wood of the door. _How_ , she thought, angrily, _how could he still have this power over her? He doesn’t deserve it. He’s gone. He can’t get to her. Yet…_

 

“Kara! Hey, we can’t find the napkins,” Alex said, rapping against the door with her fist, gently. Kara knew that was a lie, Alex knew where _everything_ in her apartment was, but she was thankful for her for bringing her back out.

 

“Uh yeah sure,” and Kara wiped at her eyes, smearing away the traces of the tears that had fallen without her knowledge.

 

The rest of the night went on without incident, but everyone could tell Kara was a bit off. Sure, Mike had that effect, but after some potstickers, ice cream, and candy, usually she was closer to her perky self. But Kara was still gloomily sitting on the couch, clouds across her usually sunny features. They would never expect Kara to be sunny all the time, everyone has their bad days, but it still didn’t mean her friends weren’t allowed to worry. Alex had put herself next to Kara, held her hand the entire night. This just made Kara feel even more guilty; she was taking away time for Alex to be with Maggie.

 

This went on for about an hour and a half, no one mentioning Kara’s dimming mood, when her phone rang out. Kara stayed in place, but Winn got up, pulling it out of the charger.

 

“Who’s Lena?”

 

Kara leapt off the couch, practically, vaulting over the coffee table where the games were, still managing to kick James in the shoulder, and launched at the phone in Winn’s hands.

 

“Lena,” she said, out of breath, swiping the answer button as soon as she had the device in her hand.

 

“Kara, hey- wait, have you just like, run a marathon? You’re breathing very-“

 

“No! Yeah! Sorry, just, whew, those stairs,” Kara turned and found all pairs of eyes on her, wide. She blushed furiously, mouthed _I’ll be back_ , then headed to her room. She closed the door gently, and listened to Lena’s voice.

 

“I’m so sorry, I had business suddenly come up and, well, I’m in New York now. And that’s like, a five hour, six hour flight, and then as soon as I damn well _stepped_ off the plane, I had to answer all the responses, all the calls, and I’m just so sorry I haven’t gotten around to responding yet.” A loud laugh could be heard through the door and into the phone.

 

“Oh my god, I didn’t even ask, I’m sorry if you have _someone_ over I didn’t mean to-“

 

“Lena! Lena, it’s fine, it’s just my friends. It’s game night.”

 

“Oh?”

 

“Yep! It’s me, obviously, my friend, Winn, you’ve seen snapchats of Winn, James, you’ve seen some of him too, they both work with me, and Lucy, James’ girlfriend on leave right now, and Alex. Oh and her girlfriend, Maggie!”

 

“Girlfriend?” Lena asked after too long of a beat. The hesitation in her voice sunk down in Kara. _Was she homophobic? She couldn’t believe she’d- How could-_

“Do you- do you have a problem with that?”

 

“Well, that would be hypocritical of me,” and Kara could hear the smirk.

 

“So, you’re not straight?”

 

“Oh god, no.”

 

“Me neither. Well, I mean, I’m bi, and some people are rude and think that means I’m like, half-n-half, like, no I’m not something you put in your coffee-“

 

“Kara. I know. You’re not straight.” Kara felt relief wash over her, _more than she’d like to admit_.

 

“Karaaaa!” Alex calls from the living room, and Kara knows Lena can hear it too.

 

“I’ll let you get back to _that_ ,” Lena teased, prompting a giggle from Kara. “Have fun with your night Kara, I won’t be able to message you as much for the next few days, but I’ll make sure our streak doesn’t die.”

 

“Well, you better hurry! We’ve got the hourglass!”

 

“Oh my, well I’ll get right on that.”

 

“Night, Lena.”

 

“Night, Kara.”

 

It was a few moments before either one hung up.

 

* * *

 

Game night had progressed, everyone getting tipsier once Alex had found the hard stuff. Kara had elected to refrain, but that didn’t stop anyone, other than Maggie. Which Kara was glad for, someone needed to get Alex home. The night was about to wind down, and everyone was getting ready to go. Kara escorted them to the door, called them a cab, an uber, whatever they needed, and watched them go. Once her final friend left, Kara set about cleaning up the mess. She got far along, electing to finish the rest in the morning. Changed into her softest pair of pajamas, the light makeup she wears off, and covers up, she checked her phone. There was a snapchat from Lena.

 

It was of the New York City skyline, all lit up at night, from far up.

 

“New York is cool, but it’s missing one thing,” the message said. “You, in this time zone.”

 

Kara felt a strange warmth in her heart that she hadn’t felt in a long time. The smile on her face was large and giddy, and she pulled the covers up past her face, trying to hide it from no one in particular. She leaned over once she calmed down, and took a shot from her window.

 

“This time zone is missing someone pretty spectacular too.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope y'all liked that! again, it's probably a mess, but so am i  
>  let me know any comments, concerns, favorite fruits @starryeyedhoe on tumblr or just down in the comments there. i like seeing things from y'all, it validates me 
> 
> kisses! 
> 
> song rec-  
> somebody else- the 1975


	4. everything’s fine everything’s cool (just breathe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Right after the phone call...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello all! wasn't sure I was gonna get this up at all today, never mind early. but here we are! hope y'all enjoy, i'm feel a tad more insecure about this chapter than i normally am
> 
> mistakes like to hang out with me and my works, ok?
> 
> chapter title-  
> breathe - mandy gonzalez/in the heights

“Night, Kara.”

 

The silence stretches on, but Lena knows she’s still on the phone. Her quiet breaths huff through, and Lena feels warmer knowing that she’s still there. She doesn’t want to hang up, doesn’t want Kara to feel like she wants to leave her, but Kara has guests over, and _dammit_ , Lena needs sleep. After almost a minute, Lena delicately hits the “end call” button, then plugs her phone into the charger in the wall. Lena’s lungs let loose a heavy sigh, and she looks around her empty hotel room. The view is fine, the bed is soft yet firm, perfect amenities, but Lena has never felt so, so _alone_. Kara was with friends, laughing, teasing, joking, making memories and Lena was… Well, Lena _should_ be reviewing the contracts for tomorrow. But the knots in her neck and down her spine protested, so she got up, headed to the bathroom, and ran a bath. While the tub filled, she took off her makeup, brushed her teeth, and moisturized. The hotel had provided bubble bars from a well-known company, and the bubbles rose past the rim. When Lena felt the bath was adequate, she turned off the water, headed back to the main room, and grabbed her book.

 

It was something Kara had recommended to her, one of the blonde’s _absolute favorites_ , she had gushed, and dammit if she didn’t rush order the damn book on Amazon immediately after, _she much prefers the feel of books to e-books_ , well was Lena a true gay? She peeled off the layers of clothes, expensive pieces dropping to the floor without a care on the brunette’s part, and pulled her hair out of the tight bun, then opting for a loose one to keep her hair up, yet not harshly pull on her skull. She padded over to the tub and sunk into its warmth, book on the floor. Once she was settled, Lena grabbed the book, after drying her hands on the towel she put next to her on the floor, and began where she had left off.

 

 _Kara has good taste in books_ , Lena mused after a few chapters, finding herself engrossed with the characters, invested in their story. As time went on, she felt the muscles in her body relax against the heat surrounding her, the fantasy of a written world whisking her away, one where Lena wasn’t Lena and Kara was, well, still Kara, and they could be happy. _But that’s what it is_ , Lena thought bitterly, _a fantasy._ She had a few chapters when she heard a noise outside her closed bathroom. Panic rose in her chest, heart beating rapidly. Quietly and quickly, Lena got out of the cooling water, wrapped herself in a robe, and made her way to the room. She should probably stay in the bathroom till whoever it was left, but Lena wasn’t in the mood for thinking rationally.

 

The door _clicked_ as she turned the knob, but, rather than someone ready to murder her, it was her mother. _God, why wasn’t it a murderer?_ A devious smirk was painted across Lillian Luthor’s made-up face, not a streak of makeup out of place, despite the hour.

 

“Nice to see you, Mother,” Lena answers calmly, a tone suggesting anything but. She walks over to the water pitcher, condensation on the metal cold against her fingertips. She didn’t remove her hands, not even when she was done pouring herself a glass, letting the freeze seep under her skin, let it prickle against her nerves. Her hand slowly numbed, turning pale under the cold, until her mother walked over and wretched the water from her, pouring her own glass. Lillian picked up both and handed Lena’s to her. The brunette made no move to take it, chin raised in a slight defiance. Lillian made a face of exasperation, before making her way over to the arm chair, sinking into with an annoyed sigh.

 

“I swear, Lena, it was a glass of water. Not _poison_ ,” not that Lillian was above that. “Come, sit with your mother.” Lena made no motion to move towards her. “Lena,” her voice took a timber that shook her to the core, memories of her youth flooding back. She obediently sat on the bed, facing Lillian.

 

“Now, the deal tomorrow, here’s how I want it to go,” and her mother rattled off all her demands, yet Lena could not hear them. It was as if her ears were muffled, stuffed with cotton. It was at a specific demand that Lena awoke from her daze and looked her mother in her eyes.

 

“No. I am the CEO now, not you, not Father, not _Lex_ ,” Lena paused. “ _I_ make the decisions now. I am in charge.”

 

“Oh, Lena,” and that smirk was back, anything but inviting. “You’d like to think that, wouldn’t you? No, no, no, you have _never_ been in charge, you will _never_ be in charge. You’re a tiny pawn. And you know what happens to the pawn, don’t you?” If Lena didn’t the threat was clear in Lillian’s cold eyes. “Now, enough with this _leader bullshit_ someone has been feeding you. You will listen to me, that is final. Are we clear?”

 

Lena wills herself to shake her, to defy Lillian once more, but she feels herself nod, go along with it. Any ounce of power she had slipping away, her fingers trying to grasp onto it tightly, but it still managed to slip through like silk. Her mother continues on with her list of demands, and Lena just sits, nodding when appropriate, body numb. The image of Kara fills her mind, blocking out her mother’s on goings. The blonde gives her strength, and she finds the will to stand, adjusting her robe for some decency.

 

“Lillian, it’s time for you to leave.”

 

“I doubt you’re in any position to give _me_ demands,” Lillian chides.

 

“Mother, as I have said before, I am the CEO. My name is on the papers, in the news. You, _you_ are irrelevant. No one cared about you when Lex was in charge, no one give two _shits_ about you now. I know I don’t. Now, I’ve asked you politely,” Lena makes her way towards the door, hand on the door knob, “but I am more than willing to get security involved, and I doubt that will bring any positive images, hm?” Lillian stills, unmoving from her place in the chair. Lena takes in a deep breath, letting the air huff out her chest, raising her chin to look down upon the older woman.

 

Finally, Lillian stands, brushing down any wrinkles that may have formed from sitting. She sets her shoulder straight, head held high, and strides past Lena and out into the hallway as Lena opens the door. Words begin to leave her mouth, but Lena shuts the door, locking the deadbolt so she can’t get in. Her shoulders fall, and she shuffles over to her bed, picking up the hotel phone on the table. Dialing down to the front desk, she asks for a key change, citing ‘security purpose’, and honestly, who is going to argue with a Luthor? The man upfront agrees, saying that the issue will be resolved by morning, and Lena hangs up. Silently, she walks over to the bathroom, disrobing again. Her feet chill at the cold of the tile, but she stands there, goosebumps covering her body as the chill sets in. After what is probably a good five minutes of standing, naked, in the middle of the upscale bathroom, she opens up the shower and turns it on. Lena steps inside immediately, not letting the water warm before she goes in. The water strikes against her skin, numbing her, before rising to the hottest setting. Her pale flesh burns a fierce red.

 

She washes her hair step by step, trying to keep it together, then taking a cloth over her body, scrubbing harshly in a feeble attempt to scrape away the interaction with her mother. She doesn’t feel the tears fall against her red cheeks, the warmth indistinct from that of the furious spray. It’s only when full sobs wrack her body and she’s chocking on the steam, trying to breath in, when she realizes she’s crying. Her legs feel weak and she slinks to the tile, harsh against her raw body. She lets out loud weeps, face buried in her knees and the water beats down on her. Her throat feels like it’s closing up and it’s as if she’s floating outside her body, everything so disoriented. She wants to call Kara, hear her voice soothe her through the phone. _How the hell has she let this girl overwhelm her thoughts so much? They’ve only been speaking for less than a month, yet, Kara consumes her._ They’ve never met, yet Lena feels like she _knows_ Kara, and Kara _knows_ her, despite her inability to share her emotions. Kara doesn’t push, Kara lets her talk things through, to get to where she needs to be on her own time. How?

 

_How could something so good associate with her?_

 

The question lingers in Lena’s mind as she tries to calm down. While she’s good at guiding Kara through any panic attacks, she herself can’t seem to ever get it right when it comes to her own panic attacks. Somehow, her breathing slows, not enough to be considered even, but not as erratic as before. Her body still doesn’t register the sting of the water, but perhaps that’s because the hot water has run out. Honestly, she had no idea. But Lena manages to stand up, legs wobbly, and turns off the stream, stepping out onto the rug in front of the shower. For going the towel or the robe, she makes her way back to bed, pulls down the covers, and gets in. Her body and mind are so _tired_ , but she can’t will her eyes to close. For her mind to just… go blank. The city lights stare back at her, a city full of people.

 

But she’s alone.

 

She reaches blindly for her charging phone, and opens snapchat. She knows she’ll regret this in the morning, but she doesn’t really care. The lights shine in the photo, and if Lena wasn’t in such a shitty mood, she might have been inclined to appreciate her photography. Sending it off, Lena thuds her head heavily against the pillow. Her eyes close, and she falls into a restless sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> angst? was that angst? i don't know, we tried
> 
> university is kicking my ass (but not really, I'm just lazy) and I went to sleep, seven hours ago, and I have already been awake for two and a half. that's probably a full nights rest for some of you, but i am an abuela and I like sleep.
> 
> as usual, you got something to say, say it! either here, in the comments, or @starryeyedhoe on tumblr. message me, send me asks, tag me in things, DISTRACT ME FROM MY CLASSES is what I'm really trying to say. have a lovely rest of your day, i'll try to post tomorrow, but it's going to be hectic.
> 
> song rec-  
> last night on earth- DREAMERS


	5. i need to see the daylight leave behind this half-life (don't you see I'm breaking down)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sister's night and late night calls

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey guys! sorry this is so late, and so short, and a rambly mess. i was really struggling with the first half, so my b. I'm back in my house, saw the love of my life (got to surprise her actually) (just my best friend lol I'm still a single gaybie), and did not sleep well! It's cold here! I HAVE THREE BLANKETS ON. so, sorry this is at a weird time, and sorry just for everything 
> 
> enjoy, there will be mistakes, i promise
> 
> chapter title-  
> half-life - duncan sheik   
> (ok but this song really fits the chapter I can't)

The snapchat Lena had sent her had Kara smiling wide all day, so much so, Cat had quipped that she seemed “sunnier than usual,” and then some sarcastic remark soon after, but the affection was still there. The day progressed, Kara running her various errands, playing desk games with Winn, and helping James out whenever she could, and Kara hadn’t heard from her phone friend. Now that she knew Lena was on a business trip, she wasn’t as worried, but she still was missing the, now familiar, spike in her heart rate when any notification from Lena popped up. Her day dragged on slightly, the distraction Lena usually provided absent, and finally it was the end of the day. She packed up her things, said goodbye to Sara at the front desk, and made her way back to her apartment.

 

Normally, this would be when she called Lena, helping her push through the last of her day, so she tried. The phone rang and rang, but she was met with the voicemail. Kara sighed, and hung up. Bored, she searched her apartment for something to occupy her time. She settled on finally cleaning, well, everything. Over the past month, her apartment had been subjected to neglect, and Kara felt like now should be her time to apologize.

 

Opening her computer, Kara started up her Spotify, hitting her _don’t kill my vibe_ playlist and got to work. Humming and dancing along with the songs, time seemed to pass quickly, her mental list diminishing with every task she completed. It hit 6 PM, and a knock at the door disturbed Kara’s focus. She hurried over to pause the music, then checked the peephole.

 

Alex was standing there, unimpressed and holding a bag of food. A smile broke out on Kara’s face, and she quickly opened the door and pulled her sister in.

 

“Mmm, that smells _so_ good!” Kara took the bag from her sister swiftly, side hugging her. She moved to put the food on the counter, then took out each container, sniffing and sighing at the scent of its contents.

 

“Oh, Alex! You know exactly what I like!” and then Kara reached the last container. “Potstickers!”

 

“I know you, sis. I could never forget potstickers.”

 

“So…” Kara eyed the red-head suspiciously, “Why are you here?”

 

“Impromptu sister’s night?”

 

“I would have believed you, if you didn’t phrase it like a question.”

 

“Seriously, Kar, I just came over to talk. Maybe watch some movies. Eat some ice cream?” Kara pondered Alex’s request for a moment, face scrunching with thought.

 

“Fine,” she conceded after a moment. “But this means I get to pick the movie.”

 

Alex lifted her hands in mock surrender, before giggles broke out between the two sisters.

 

* * *

 

“So,” Alex began, head against Kara’s shoulder. They were on their second movie in, and Alex had been avoiding bringing up the topic. “I know I was pretty drunk the other night, but this person called you…” Kara knew where this was going. “My question is, just like, why? Who was it?”

 

“That’s actually two questions,” Kara teased, but face still serious. “It’s... She’s just a friend. I accidentally called her like, a month ago when I meant to call you, but it was her, and I dunno, we just kept talking.”

 

“Do you know her?”

 

“Well, I feel like now I do.”

 

“No, Kara,” Alex pushed herself up to sit, facing her sister. “Do you _know,_ know her. Like in real life? Have you met?”

 

“Well, no,” and Kara worried her lip. “But we snapchat! So I know she’s not like a, a catfish or something. And we walk on the phone so I know what she sounds like, and just last week we tried to FaceTime, but my phone wouldn’t connect and then-“

 

“Just,” Alex cut her off, holding her hand up, eyes closed. “Just be careful, okay?” Kara didn’t know why, but this almost felt like, Alex was giving her approval? Of what, Kara wasn’t sure, but the feeling rushed warmth through her, starting in her chest and spreading to her toes. Kara launched over towards her sister and enveloped her in a tight hug.

 

Sister’s Night went along smoothly, Kara prodding Alex with questions about Maggie, making Alex blush, and then Alex would tease Kara right back. They didn’t talk about what _exactly_ Lena and Kara were, but Alex felt as though her answer was in Kara’s eyes; the way they lit up when she talked about how Lena worked so hard, yet serious as she wanted her to relax. That she knew her coffee order almost by heart just from being on the phone with Lena when she ordered. Alex kept this to herself, but her heart swelled knowing her sister was, well…

 

She was _healing_.

 

She hadn’t seen Kara like this in month, not after- not after _all that_. Sure, she had been happier, but this Kara, well, not like she was before, but almost better? Alex wasn’t sure, but seeing her sister practically giddy left her smiling.

 

Alex had to go, just as she always did, and the two hugged at the door, longer than they have in a while.

 

“See you soon, kiddo.” Alex ruffled the top of Kara’s head. Kara scoffed, then swatted at her sister’s hand, trying to fix the mused locks.

 

“Yeah, yeah,” Kara huffed, mock annoyance betrayed by the smirk lifting the corner of her lips. “See you soon, Al.”

 

* * *

 

Kara had settled in bed, covers warm around her. She felt lighter, almost as if she could float- hell, _fly_ , even. Sleep pulled on her eyelids, and Kara didn’t fight, letting it take over her. She was in that half state when her phone blared next to her. It was the ringtone she had assigned to Lena _, that way she knew whether or not to take it_ , and Kara reached blindly for her phone. She was tired, but there was no way she was going to miss talking to Lena.

 

“Hello?” She mumbled sleepily, rubbing at her eyes.

 

“Oh no, you were asleep, I’m so sorry, you can got back to sleep, I’ll just- I’ll be fine, don’t worry, just go back to sleep, I’m so-“ The panic in Lena’s voice caused Kara to shoot straight, _ha, Kara this is no time for jokes!_ , up.

 

“Lena! Lena! It’s fine, I wasn’t asleep, it’s fine. Please- please just, tell me what’s wrong?”

 

As if that were the straw, Lena began sobbing. The sound broke Kara’s heart, and she physically had to bring her hand up to her chest in a feeble attempt to soothe herself.

 

“Hey, Lena, it’s alright. I’m right here, I’m right here. You’re ok, I’ve got you, I’ve got you…”

 

Kara kept chanting these words over and over, hoping to ease any sort of pain from her, to take it away. Lena kept sobbing, words trying to be pushed out, but ending up a mumbled and jumbled mess.  
  
“You don’t have to talk right now, just breathe. In through the nose, out through the mouth…” Kara then remembered the technique Lena had taught her that first time, and she repeated the steps back to her. “There you go, that’s good, you’re good, I’m right here,” Kara said as she heard the woman’s breathing even out. “You’re doing great, I promise. There you go, good breaths for me.”

 

“Kara,” was the first word Lena had been able to say and the absolute _desperation_ in the utterance of her voice shattered Kara’s already broken heart.

 

“I’m here,” the _always_ was left unsaid, but Kara hoped Lena knew. After a few moments, Kara bit her lip, daring to ask. “What happened?”

 

“I don’t- I don’t-“ and Kara could hear the tears begin again, so she quickly stopped her.

 

“You don’t have to if you don’t want to,” Lena had never pushed her, so why the hell would she do that to her? “Just know, that, I’m here, ok? I’m always here, and if you ever _do_ feel like telling anyone, you can. I’m right here.”

 

“Thank you, Kara,” the tiniest voice filtered through, raw from crying.

 

“What do you need?” _Because, dammit, I would do anything_.

 

“Can you- can you tell me about your day?” Kara smiled, playing with the hem of her shirt.  
  
“Well, first, I had to run some outlandish errand for Cat, but what’s new?” Kara heard a huff of a chuckled through the phone, so she continued. “This time, I was for _ink_. No, not for the printers, but for her _pen_. She had _special ink for her pen_. So that was practically _across_ town and oh my gosh, it’s as if she expecting me to have like, superpowers, or something to get there in time and back for her next meeting! So I ended up _literally_ running there, I show up…”

 

The two swap stories from their days, Lena avoiding whatever happened, which was fine, and when they were finished with that, they moved on to talking about everything and anything. Any favorites they hadn’t talked about yet, the musical Lena saw when she was sixteen, the time Kara broke her arm when she fell from the Oaktree outside her home. About Alex and Maggie, because, even if she wouldn’t admit it, Lena couldn’t believe there was an actually happy lesbian couple that existed. About a new TV show Winn started watching and, _surprise_ , Lena had been watching too, _and now it totally wasn’t suddenly put on Kara’s ‘to-watch’ list_.

 

The conversation went on and on, topics easily changing between them. They made each other laugh, shared secrets, and Kara’s heart was full. There was a distinct lull, however, and Kara looked over to check the time. It was 3 AM!

 

“Lena, I’m so sorry, I’ve kept you up all night, it’s like 8 AM there, geez, you probably have work soon-“

 

“I don’t. Kara, it’s a Saturday, remember?”

 

“Oh,” she hadn’t. She had been so distracted by the lack of Lena in her day that she didn’t even register that the weekend was upon them.

 

“We should still sleep, though,” and Kara could hear the yawn Lena let out.

 

“Probably, sleepyhead,” Kara giggled.

 

“But, um, don’t- if it’s not a problem, I mean, can you not, well…”

 

“I won’t.”

 

“Thank you.”

 

“Good- well, good morning, Lena.”

 

“Good morning, Kara.”

 

* * *

 

The sun shone through Kara’s light curtains and landed on her eyes. Her body protested, not wanting to wake up. Moaning, Kara rolled over and pulled the pillow over her head. It was only then when she remembered what had happened earlier that morning, and she opened her eyes to see:

 

**Lena 8:02:35**

 

They hadn’t hung up.

 

“Good morning, again,” she whispered, and listened, waiting for Lena to slowly wake up, her even breaths coming through the phone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hope that wasn't shit lololololol again, sorry for the wait, i had a melt down for absolutely no reason other than PMS. like i was crying over not finding my lush stuff i got from christmas. I'm a mess. i need chocolate. and a waffle. OH MY GOD CHOCOLATE WAFFLE. I GOTTA GO GET THAT CHOCOLATE WAFFLE BYE
> 
> also, hmu @starryeyedhoe bc y'all are funny (and send me dirty things about kashy mcgra, yeah thats right, i'm looking at you ;) )
> 
> song rec-  
> plastic - will joseph cook


	6. this awkward feeling is getting in the way

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Donuts and Detectives....

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> uggghhhhh sorry about that wait. i just, ugh, did NOT have motivation for this chapter towards the middle, and then i had to do something last night that kept me out late, and today i had jury duty :/ but now I'm here, I'm queer, I'm ready to go.
> 
> hope this aint shit, bc it feels that way
> 
> there are a shit ton of mistakes too, don't judge them
> 
> chapter title-  
> the english summer - the wombats (i can't find a good song for this chapter, so lemme know if you got a better one pls)

It was an unusually warm morning in National City, and Kara felt sweat begin to perspire as stood in line outside the trendy new donut shop. It was another crazy errand for Cat, _weren’t they all_ ; some new hipster pop-up for the fried dough. Cat was featuring some article about the trend sweeping the nation, but before she published it, she wanted to see what the hype was about. Kara took off her cardigan, leaving her in her button down tucked into her skirt, draping the sweater over her arm. The woman in front of her turned around absentmindedly, before noting Kara’s arms with an appreciative smirk and a wink, then turning back around. A blush took over Kara’s features, and she adjusted her glasses. The line moved steadily, and soon Kara was in the AC of the building. An employee was going through the line and taking orders to speed up the process, but it still wasn’t too effective.

 

The sweating teenager got to her, and Kara gave him Cat’s order, _plus one for herself, obviously_. Giving her the ticket, he smiled, braces flashing, then moved on to the person behind her. The sharp ring of her phone brought Kara out of her heat induced daze, and she scrambled to answer.

 

“H-Hello?”

 

“Oh, Kara, is this a bad time?” Lena’s smooth voice flowed from the phone. If the heat of the shop wasn’t doing it, the sound of Lena’s words melted the blonde.

 

“No! Sorry, I mean- no, you’re good. If anything, you’re providing a welcome distraction.”

 

“Oh?” The eyebrow raise was practically audible.

 

“I’m on another Cat mission, and oh my goodness, it’s warm this morning! And this shop is so tiny, and everyone is sweating, and _ugh_.” The low chuckle that filled her ears rushed warmth somewhere Kara was _not willing to admit thank you very much!_

 

“Yes, I concur. I stepped off the plane and wow, it was much warmer than when I left.”

 

“Wait, you’re back? In Metropolis?” Kara’s squeal incited other patrons to send glares her way, so she mouthed her apologies. She was _almost_ to the counter and _dammit_ she could smell the sweet, fried, deliciousness. “Mmm…”

 

“You alright there?” Lena teased, prompting a furious blush from Kara.

 

“Y-yeah. Sorry, just it smells _so_ good.”

 

“Well, to answer your question, yes, I am back. Now, what is it that smells so good?”

 

“ _Donuts_ ,” Kara sighed into the phone, and just like fate, as she uttered those words a new tray was set out in the display, before being quickly shoved into boxes. Once again, the laugh Lena lets loose leaves her ears burning, craving for more. Things had been a tad formal between them since _that_ night. Less snapchats, more texts. Even then, the texts were simple, a few words to prompt the conversation. Kara wasn’t too upset; she could tell Lena rarely opened herself up, and allowing Kara to be involved in such a vulnerable state was a lot for her. It did dishearten her a little, and she wished it didn’t. She wasn’t going to bolt; she wasn’t going to leave Lena, alone and broken. Not like she could magically _fix_ her, but she could be there for her.

 

It had been a few moments of silence, one that was comfortable, and then Kara was summoned to the counter. She rattled off the order after a moment of shock, fumbled around for her expenses card, before the treats were in her hand. The warm scent rolled into her nose, and she inhaled deeply. Once she stepped out of the shop, Kara opened the box, pulling out her own donut, phone wedged between her face and shoulder. Taking a big bite, she munched happily, listening to Lena give orders to whoever was around her. She didn’t know _exactly_ what Lena did for work, but she can tell it’s _something_ important. It’s got to be, if she suddenly has business in New York or random people to give orders to.

 

“Hey, I’ve got to go,” Lena said, and Kara realized she was talking to her. “I’m sorry, but I’ll message you or snapchat you later, alright?”

 

“Yeah, that’s fine.”

 

“Alright. Have a good rest of your day. I would say ‘enjoy your donut,’ but what I heard earlier suggests it’s already gone.”

 

“Bye, Lena,” Kara said, smiling as she approached CatCo, the cooling donuts in hand.

 

“Bye, Kara. Talk to you later.”

 

* * *

 

It was later. True to her word, Lena had been steadily snapchatting her, and Kara was glad to see her friend returning to normal. It was a little after lunch, and Kara still hadn’t taken her break.

 

“Kiera!” Cat called from her office. “If you don’t take lunch soon, this will be practically slavery, and today I don’t particularly feel like dealing with that. Break. Now.”

 

“Yes, Ms. Grant,” and the blonde dutifully grabbed her bag. Opening up her phone, she shot off a text to the large group message with her friends, asking if anyone was free. Maggie responded that she was, indeed, and that Alex would be soon. Deciding to ignore _why_ Maggie would know that specifically, _because she did_ not _need to know what those two were up to,_ she texted a location that she was particularly craving, and made her way there once receiving confirmation.

 

She got to the restaurant to find Maggie waiting outside.

 

“Hey, Maggie. Alex already inside?”

 

“She’s still at work, gets off in,” she checked her phone, “about five. We can probably head in.”

 

“I just thought- I mean, you seemed like you knew where she- oh geez.”

 

“Wow, Little Danvers. Didn’t peg you for-“

 

“Don’t!” Kara held a hand up to stop the woman, but the smirk still crossed the smaller girl’s features. They were seated at a booth, and handed their menus once they got inside. Settling down, Kara’s phone _dinged_ , letting her know Lena had snapchatted her.

 

“Who’s that, Kara? A new _friend_?”

 

“Shut up, Maggie,” Kara tossed a sugar packet at her, then opened the snapchat. She sent one of Maggie, in the middle of making a face, and sent it off.

 

“Not fair, Kara, not fair.” But the look on Kara’s face told Maggie that she didn’t really care.

 

Lunch carried on without further incident. Alex arrived, and they ordered. It was a barbecue place, one the group didn’t frequent often, as not many of them were big fans. But Kara was craving it, so she was getting it. Alex asked her how her day was going, and Kara responded in between her communication with Lena. Maggie narrowed her eyes at the blonde across from her, looking down at the phone. She had seen the last few seconds of the snapchat, and the face looked strikingly familiar. For the rest of the meal, Maggie was fixated, unable to put her finger on it _. She’s a detective, dammit!_ Alex could tell something was up, but just kept rubbing her thumb across Maggie’s knuckles, hands entwined.

 

The three parted once they left the restaurant, Kara not far from CatCo. She waved as she ran off, leaving the two standing on the sidewalk. Alex turned to face Maggie, eyebrows set as she searched her girlfriend’s face.

 

“What’s wrong babe? Something seemed up during lunch.”

 

“Nothing,” Maggie snapped out of it, bringing a smile to her face in an attempt at reassurance. “I promise, babe. I gotta run, but I’ll see you tonight, right?”

 

“Yup,” Alex smiled. The two kissed briefly before heading off in their respective directions.

 

* * *

 

Cat continued to bombard Kara with most menial tasks for the rest of the afternoon, so she was unable to respond to Lena as much as she would have liked. She was taking a brief rest from her constant scurrying at her desk, when Winn walked by, leaning against his own.

 

“Wow, she’s really putting you through the ringer today. What did you do?”

 

“I don’t know!” Kara said, exasperated. “I brought her the donuts, her dry cleaning, fixed her schedule, arranged for Carter to be picked up, ordered her lunch, _everything_ she needed.”

 

“Well,” Winn began, leaning over to look at the copy of Cat’s schedule that Kara had at her desk. “She _does_ have a phone meeting with a ‘Ms. Luthor’ in a half an hour. And the Luthors are _hardly_ good people. Maybe it’s stressing her out.”

 

“Ms. Grant can go toe to toe with anyone, Winn,” Kara rolled her eyes, huffing. “I doubt some _scary, evil person_ with an infamous last name would shake her.”

 

“I’m just saying, if it were me, I’d be shaking in my boots.”

 

“You also got scared at _Cabin in the Woods_. You aren’t the best judge of bravery.”

 

“Hey-“ Winn started, but was cut off as Cat emerged from her office.

 

“Kiera! I don’t pay you to sit around all day. Get in here, now.”

 

“Yes, Ms. Grant,” and Kara obediently followed behind, closing the door once she crossed the threshold.

 

* * *

 

After some minor scolding mixed with confidence boosting, Kara was exhausted. She listened to Cat list off her duties for tomorrow, and Kara hastily copied them down on her notepad, so she could transfer them to both Cat’s physical and digital calendar. Once she was dismissed, she was done for the day, as the looming phone call was the last thing on her boss’ list.

 

Making her way back to her desk, the sight of Winn sitting on her desk caused her to jump in surprise.

 

“Whoa! Winn, you almost gave me a heart attack! You were supposed to be done…” the blonde checked her watch, “ _holy cow_ , like _two hours ago!_ ”

 

“I wanted to wait up for you,” her friend shrugged, getting off her desk. “We haven’t hung out much lately, and well, and elevator ride isn’t really hanging out-“

 

Winn was cut off by Kara’s fierce hug. Stunned for a moment, it took him a beat to bring his arms around his friend.

 

“Oh, Winn. I’m so sorry! I know I’ve been distracted lately, I’m so, so-“

 

“Kara, it’s ok,” he laughed, patting her shoulder, eventually peeling her off of him. “I promise. We all have busy lives, we can’t hang out like, _all the time_.”

 

“Still,” Kara pouted, stepping into the elevator, “I feel bad.”

 

“Well…. You can always make it up to me.” Kara raised a brow. “Buy me ice cream.” Kara laughed out loud, nodding her head, and as the door’s _dinged_ open at the bottom, the two walked out, arm in arm, towards the ice cream parlor.

 

* * *

 

Maggie was putting the last of the dishes into the dishwasher when Alex’s arms made their way around her waist.

 

“Well, hello there,” the tinier brunette smiled, turning her head slightly for a kiss on the cheek. Alex did as prompted, then nuzzled into the crook of her girlfriend’s neck.

 

“How much longer, babe?” Alex whined, eliciting a laugh from Maggie.

 

“Well, I would finish sooner if I could bend over, which I _can’t_ as you are currently wrapped around me. So….” She trailed off, feeling the huff of Alex’s breath against her skin.

 

“Fine, fine. I’ll be waiting. Turn off the TV when you’re done.”

 

“Will do, babes,” and with a peck of the lips, Alex made her way to the bedroom. The last plate was put away and she filled up the detergent, then put the machine on the correct setting. Making her way towards the remote, the subject of what was on TV distracted her. _Lena Luthor… Lena… Luthor…_

Her palm slapped to her face.

 

“ _Dammit, Sawyer!_ ”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again, sorry for such a short one, but i slammed the next two chapters into one so it should be fairly long. 
> 
> hmu @starryeyedhoe on tumblr bc validation is my life blood and i am gay
> 
> i need a nap.
> 
> song rec-  
> why not - hilary duff (bc what TF NOT?!?!)


	7. no i'm not a go-getter (the demon had a spell on me)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kale Salads are Gross

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey friends
> 
> wow this is laaaaate (for me at least) but the Blues game was on so like, that what i was doing. also, found out there is st. louis blues fan fiction and i am un.comf.ortable... 
> 
> also, i knooooow i promised a nice juicy one, but like i know this is still short but i'm actually proud of it? i know i say that and y'all will be like "ha, this was shit" which is fine, the blues won so I'm living
> 
> mistakes are mine, ALL MINE! 
> 
> chapter title-  
> shave have known better - sufjan stevens

It’s like the work never stopped. She had been back for a few days, and Lena cursed herself for even thinking that the workload would let up. It was constant _sign this_ , _initial that_ , and _Ms. Luthor we have press downstairs_. Jess was doing her best to help Lena out, but there was only so much an assistant could do during the biggest move in the company’s history. Her phone was ringing off the hook, and Jess tried to make every appointment work while still giving Lena time to do things like _eat_ and, well, _not_ exhaust herself to death. It was this chaos that probably allowed a small, National City cop to make her way through to Lena’s office.

 

“Jess, I need you to call the printer and ask him for the estimated delivery on that-“ the youngest Luthor stopped in her tracks when she was met with someone who was decidedly _not_ Jess. “Can I help you?” Lena asked, narrowing her eyes as the intruder.

 

“I’m not sure, Ms. Luthor,” Maggie began. “My name is Detective Sawyer, with the National City PD. Detective _Maggie_ Sawyer, ma’am.” Maggie could see the gears turning in the CEO’s head as she placed the name and the face. As soon as everything clicked, Lena turned impossibly paler than she already was.

 

“Well, Detective,” Lena’s mouth was dry, the words feeling as if they were trapped in there, “what brings you all the way to Metropolis?”

 

“Oh, don’t play coy with me, Luthor.” The sudden change in demeanor and tone shocked Lena, and the detective crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes, looking Lena up and down. She felt as if she were being scrutinized, every inch of her being analyzed and surveyed. “You know damn well why I’m here. Kara.”

 

If she didn’t already know, the admittance of the blonde’s name struck her heart, and she felt it plummet to the farthest reaches of her stomach. “What about Ms. Danvers?”

 

“What the hell are you doing with her?”

 

“I- I’m not sure what you-“

 

“She’s a good person, Luthor. She doesn’t need you toying with her, only for you to toss her to the side when you’re bored with her.”

 

“I would never-“

 

“And furthermore,” it seemed as if Lena was _not_ going to be allowed to speak, “she just got out of a… a _messed up_ relationship, and we don’t need _you_ ruining her recovery. She is too good and is trying too hard for you to come and fuck everything up.”

 

“Detective Sawyer,” and the steel in her voice struck Maggie. “I’m not sure _what the hell_ you are ensuing, but this is not some interrogation, I’m afraid. I…” a sadness reached her pale eyes that Maggie would have to be blind to miss. “I’m sure you think I’m some great _evil_ pent on murdering civilians and taking candy from children, but I feel you are making some harsh assumptions. Kara… Kara is,” the fondness placed a warm smile on her features, “ _special_. I’m sure you already knew that-“

 

“You’re damn right! And you shouldn’t-“

 

“I am _terrified_ , Detective Sawyer!” Lena paused, waiting to see if the woman had anything she wanted to say, before continuing on. “Kara is absolutely _terrifying_. I care for her more than I have anyone I have ever met in her life, and I haven’t even _met_ her, Detective. And, dammit, that’s _fucking petrifying._ She cares fiercer than anyone I’ve ever met, and sure, it might be selfish of me, but I apologize if my _omission_ to her has caused you any share of burden, but I can assure you, your _burden_ pales in comparison to the _guilt_ I feel regularly. It’s hard hiding something from someone that tells you almost everything. It feels like all we are is built upon a lie- not an outright one, but a lie of absence. Now, if you are done interrogating me, I have quite a bit to do today, and you’ve already taken up,” she checks her watch, “ten minutes of my time. Apologies for my bluntness, but I kindly request you _leave_.”

 

The two stood there, Lena gripping her desk, Maggie standing with her arms folded. A few more beats passed, the dark eyes of the detective bearing into her with such force, before a slow blink conceded the battle.

 

“Tell her.”

 

The heavy door slammed, signaling Maggie’s departure, and Lena sunk into her chair, a quiet and unexpected sob slipping from her lips. But soon enough, Lena braced herself, steadied her breath, and phoned Jess to bring in the next appointment.

 

* * *

 

Alex had come over for dinner, bringing Maggie with her. Kara was more than happy or the extra addition, stating that there was more than enough food to go around. What perturbed Kara was Maggie’s overall attitude; she just seemed _off_. She grumpily slunk from the door to the couch, but not before grabbing a beer on her way. Kara raised an eyebrow in question at Alex, but all the red-head could do was shrug at her girlfriend’s sudden behavior. Kara shrugged along with her and just went with it, getting the money ready for when the delivery man showed up.

 

Thirty minutes later, and Maggie’s mood had only improved slightly, most likely due to her fuller stomach. The last few slices of pizza were left cooling on the coffee table, Maggie was curled into Alex’s side, her girlfriend watching whatever movie was on, while Maggie watched Kara. She was smiling and silently giggling to whatever popped up on her phone, practically pressed to her face. After a few minutes, Kara let out an audible laugh, which she quickly tried to conceal with a cough, but Maggie just rolled her eyes.

 

“Just ask her out already, Kara,” Maggie blurted out, a little more forcefully than she wished. Sure, she was upset with Lena for lying to her girlfriend’s sister, but she would be blind if she couldn’t see the feelings between them, and after her conversation with the CEO today, she could tell Lena was going to need that push. If Kara actually _asked her out_ , maybe that was enough of the nudge she needed.

 

“We- well, we- we aren’t, we aren’t _like that_ ,” Kara blushed, face beginning to resemble a tomato. The only response to this was a scoff from Maggie, while Alex just looked on, a little confused.

 

“What- Wait, I’m confused,” Alex furrowed her brow.

 

“Little Danvers needs to grow some ovaries and ask this woman she’s been _pining_ over, for like a month, out.” Alex still looked confused, so Maggie just kissed her cheek. “Sometimes you are just too oblivious for your own good.” The woman stood, stretching out her hand for Alex to take, and then pulled her up.

 

“We are leaving,” and began gathering up their stuff. “ _You,_ ” she pointed at Kara, “are going to _call her_. Bye, bye, Little Danvers.”

 

“But-“ Kara was cut off by the door closing. The apartment was suddenly silent, the quiet hum of the TV the only sound cutting the quiet. Her heart clenched and she suddenly felt an impending sense of doom take over her. _What if Lena doesn’t like her like that? What if she gets upset at her for even suggesting such a thing?_ Deciding to ignore Maggie’s suggestion for now, she changed the channel, finding something else to watch, and settling down for the evening, a steady conversation flowing between her and Lena through the night, before sleep pulled her eyes down and she forced herself to bed.

 

* * *

 

Another day, another lunch for Cat Grant; this time, the place did not deliver, and much to Kara’s annoyance, were not willing to do it, even for someone as influential as Ms. Grant. So here she was, standing in yet _another_ line, foot tapping with impatience. It was an interesting place; that industrial look mixed with trying to feel like some camper in the middle of the Mojave. She scanned the menu, finding what Cat wanted, before trying to figure out what she herself would want. It was all so… _weird_. That strange vegan mixed with gluten free-everything free; basically eating like a rabbit. And Kara was _not_ a rabbit.

 

Sighing, she looked out the window and across the street. She was searching for other places she could quickly swing by when an all too familiar face walked past. They caught eyes, and Kara felt herself well up with panic. _Mike_. He smiled, waved, and changed his course, heading back to the restaurant she was currently in. She abruptly turned to face back towards the front, looking straight ahead and willing herself to calm down. She tried Lena’s breathing exercise, but it was _not working_. She heard him call her name through the crowded building, and she fumbled through her purse for her phone, searching through old receipts, _three_ chapsticks- _what the hell, Kara? Three?!-_ and still couldn’t find it. Soon enough, a large hand clapped on her shoulder and she felt herself seize up in fear. Just as her phone found her hand, she was turned around, a little forcefully, and she was suddenly embraced by the looming figure.

 

“Oh, Kara! It’s so good to see you! Shame we couldn’t talk the other day, with the coffee. What are you up to?”

 

“S-salad. F-for Ms. Grant,” she stammered out, still in Mike’s grip on her arms. Not too hard, but still enough that she couldn’t quite move.

 

“Next,” the person behind the counter called, and called once more, annoyed, before Kara managed to make her way to the front. She ordered Cat’s salad, some strange _kale_ creation, and paid. The lady looked at Mike expectantly, and he shook his head.

 

“Nothing for me, sorry ma’am,” and he flashed that _smile_ , and Kara felt herself vomit internally while the woman just smiled, charmed by his signature smirk. He followed Kara as she stood to the side, clock ticking with every second that it took for the food to be made.

 

“So, how’s work been?” At Kara’s lack of response, Mike rolls his eyes. “I’m not a _bad guy_ , Kara. You just caught me on a bad day.”

 

 _A bad day? A_ bad _day?_ Kara was fuming internally, but her body was stiff, her throat closed and she found herself struggling to breathe. Her eyes stayed focused on the counter, eyes dry as she didn’t blink.

 

“You know,” Mike began leaning in close, hot breath on her ear, “I know I said some bad things about you swinging both way, but well, _now…_ ” He paused, and Kara could hear him wet his lips. “I find it a little _hot_ now.” It was then that her name was called, and she abruptly moved towards the worker, grabbing the bag quickly, and shot a quick half-smile that failed to reach her eyes. She was almost to the door when Mike got in front of her again.

 

“Kara, I promise, I’ve changed-“ By some miracle of _whoever_ was up there, the phone that was practically breaking in her grip buzzed, and _dammit_ Kara swears its fate because Lena’s name is flashing on her screen. Without hesitation, she slid the button to answer, bringing the phone to her ear, shaking.

 

“H-hello?” Kara willed her voice to remain calm, but the waver was still there.  
  
“Kara, are- are you ok? What’s wrong?” The melodic sound filtered to Kara’s ears and she felt a tad more grounded.

 

“I’ll t-tell you in a second,” and she shoved her way past Mike. Her breathing was harsh through the phone, matching her quickening pace as she essentially fled the restaurant, finding a nearby park. Her solace was found in a secluded area, hidden by overgrown bushes and trees.

 

“Kara, I’m right here. What’s happened?” The concern evident in Lena’s voice was the final straw which broke her, and she felt her body retch with sobs. She sunk to the lush grass, pieces poking uncomfortably in her skin, yet she felt too numb to register.

 

“Hey, Kara, breathe with me, yeah?” Lena tried to walk Kara through their usual steps, yet the blonde was still panicking.

 

“Let’s see… Ah yes. Kara, can you name five senses you can see?” This forced Kara to focus on what was around her, desperately trying to fulfill Lena’s request.

 

“T-t-tre-ees. G-grass. T-the s-sky, bee-ees, and-and,” Kara looked around her, “A- a bird.”

 

“Wow, you found a very nice place. You’ll have to take me sometime. Now, tell me four things you can hear.” They continued this way till they ticked down to all the senses, Kara brought back to reality, tears dried on her round face, eyes rimmed red. The two were silent for a while, steady, well steady-ish, breaths heard both ways, until Lena piped up.

 

“I know you probably don’t want to- and you don’t have to, trust me- but you can tell me, if you want. Only if you want. But I want to know, Kara, I want to know everything about you. The good- and the less good.”

 

“What are we doing?” Kara’s words came out harsher than intended, and she heard Lena’s sharp intake of breath. “I- I mean, what, well, what are we doing?”

 

“I…” Lena worried her bottom lip, picking at it a tad with her teeth before releasing it. “I don’t know. But I want to keep doing it… maybe even more.”

 

“Me too.” There was a pregnant pause, and Kara felt the question tip on her tongue, threatening to spill over. _Was it too much? Was she asking for more than Lena was willing to give? Would Lena even want to-  hell, even have the time for?_ But she felt herself begin to speak, almost as if it were an out of body experience.   
  
“Can I see you?” The simple question opened the flood gates, and Kara felt herself begin to slip. “I mean, face to face, not over the phone. I mean, of course I’ve _seen_ you but I haven’t well, I mean, I suppose we have met, but not like this, but- Oh, Kara, geez. You’re probably super busy and I don’t want to intrude and I don’t know if I could make it up to Metropolis, and you are so hardworking and you probably could never take a day off-“

 

“Kara. Kara!” Lena’s voice stopped her rambling, and she blushed furiously. Lena hadn’t begun to speak again yet, and _good job Kara, you ruined that_ -

 

“I have business in National City next week,” Lena’s reply came out a tad shaky. She really _did_ have business down there, but she wasn’t planning on letting Kara know that, not before Detective Sawyer showed up and demanded she show her true colors, or whatever the detective had predetermined those were. “We… we can meet up then? Name the time and place, I’ll be there.”

 

Kara felt her heart literally stop beating. She nodded, before remembering that Lena couldn’t see her, and rattles off a few places that are more well-known so Lena could find them easily. They finally settle on the final details when Lena declares that she has to go, and Kara says her good bye. The line _clicks_ dead, and Kara stares ahead of her. That dreadful feeling was back in the pit of her stomach; and it _wasn’t_ just because Cat was literally going to kill her for being so late. She finally stood, brushing a few stray bits of nature off of her, and grabbed her things she had so hastily dropped. Kara chided herself for not feeling as excited as she thought she should be, anxiety rolling off her in waves.

 

In a few days, Lena would be here. _Here_. In National City.

 

 _Fuck_.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> soooooooooo yeah. they're gonna meet, have fun with that. protective maggie is fun to write maggie and like angsty bits are fun.
> 
> hmu @starryeyedhoe bc i had a rough last two days bc of a specific person so I'm not feeling a hundred and also I'm like 3 away from my next goal. send me asks/messages; I'm not a scary gay, just a desperate one. 
> 
> also, i napped twice today, guys. TWICE. and i got lush. treat yo self, amiright?
> 
> song rec-   
> real peach - henry jamison


	8. i've been stuck with the same kind of people (just blind)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coffee Spills Ruin Blouses

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> just like jesus, i have risen 
> 
> lolololol jk. i've been chilling and enjoying the last few bits of my break. i am now back at school, gone from my homeland, and wrote this.
> 
> this is dedicated to @frickminister on tumblr bc i told her i would send her this before i posted it but she's asleep and, knowing me, i'll forget to post it 
> 
> blah blah blah, mistakes, mistakes, blaaahh
> 
> chapter title-   
> what's real- WATER

It’s the day

 

Like, _the_ day.

 

Time to meet Kara.

 

Lena is freaking the _fuck_ out.

 

Pacing, the brunette swears she wearing down a path through the carpet from her frantic back and forth. Lena’s hands don’t stop twisting, teeth chewing nervously on their lip, when a knock on the door shakes her from her thoughts.

 

“Come in,” her voice shakes, then Jess’ head peeps through the crack.

 

“Just wanted to remind you about the press today. Remember where and when we’re meeting?” She didn’t.

 

“You know,” Lena smiled, weakly, “I _totally_ do, but, just testing you, do _you_ remember where that is?” Jess just shakes her head, a silent chuckle evident on her downturned face.

 

“Lobby, in an hour. Got it?” Lena just nodded, and Jess slipped back through. Soon enough, her nerves over meeting Kara bubbled back up. Retreating back to the swiveling seat, she huffed loudly as she sunk into the plush leather, legs stretched out in a manner her mother would have scolded at. The thought made her relax just a tad more, smirking at her mother’s mental disapproval. Absentmindedly, Lena’s deft fingers picked up a pen, swirling it around, feeling the light metal twirl between her fingertips. Her thoughts wandered elsewhere, and soon a half an hour had passed of solid daydreaming. Lena mentally reprimanded herself, grabbing a random file in an attempt to get to work. This worked for a while, before Lena gave up, dropping the pen on the filled out paperwork. Her shoes were toed off, and she pulled her hair from its tight up do. Her locks would have to return to their previous state sooner or later, preferably later. The dark hair fell around her face, and her fingers played with a few stray strands. Lena knew she should be trying to prepare up to the last minute, but she was rapidly finding she just didn’t _care_. The stress of the day, along with meeting Kara, forced her into a state of apathy.

 

Soon enough, the time had come. Her feet were forced back into those torture devices, she let her hair down loose, but styled, and her jacket was pulled over her bare arms. One last check in a mirror deemed herself passable. Lena braced herself, then set out for the lobby.

 

* * *

 

Kara was practically a bundle of nerves; bouncing up and down in her seat, making constant coffee runs to the lamely executed lounge, and throwing paper balls at Winn across from her. After about the fifth winning shot, Winn stood abruptly.

 

“ _You_ ,” her friend pointed, accusingly, “are being _very_ distracting right now. And Cat want’s this,” he motioned wildly at the piles on his desk, “done by the end of tomorrow. So, I’m moving, and you have to figure out how to calm all this,” he made a circling motion with his finger around her, “down. Soon.” Before she could protest, Winn lifted a finger in silence, gathered his things, and moved who knows where. Kara sulked in her seat, lip pouting and breath huffing. Her brow furrowed, bringing out the infamous crinkle, but was quickly banished at the sound of her being summoned to Cat’s office, along with James.

 

“You two,” Cat began, not looking up from the report in front of her, “are to go to the new ‘Luther Corp,’ or whatever it is now, little press thing. James, you will be taking pictures, obviously, and _you_ , Kiera, are to do whatever he wants. I want you there to gather the _experience_ , for whatever reason that may be, and I don’t want you lollygagging around like some loaf who can’t be useful. So, for the time permitting, Kiera is now your assistant, James. Off you go, now.” The pair looked at the woman blankly, mouths slightly agape. Not hearing the shuffle of feet she had expected, Cat looked up, narrowed her eyes, and barked off a simple “now,” and the two scrambled out. Satisfied, Cat allowed a small smirk grace her lips, before resuming her reviews.

 

-

 

The pair had made it to the site where the CEO would be giving her speech earlier than expected, so Kara offered to go grab some coffee. Waiting in line, she snapchatted Lena about the situation; waiting in line and such. Instead of a snapchat, she received a text message from the woman. A tad strange, Kara didn’t think much else, continuing on her conversation as normal, assuming Lena just didn’t feel like sending pictures or was unable to. Kara ordered and grabbed the two drinks for her and James, phone still in her face and she made her way back.

 

**Kara**

**10:26 AM**

i might have to go soon

work stuff :/

 

**Lena**

**10:27 AM**

Me as well

It’s a weird thing at like 10:30

 

Kara smiled at the coincidence, both having something at 10:30. Sad she wouldn’t have Lena as a distraction, she looked up, checking both ways before stepping out across the heavily trafficked street, smiling in thanks as someone stopped their turn to let her proceed. Once across, she turned her attention back to the device in her hands.

 

**Kara**

**10:28 AM**

lol we both have stuff then!

what a coinkidink!

oh geez, that was lame

what’s your thing abo

 

In the midst of typing out her message, her body _smacked_ face first, well, _coffee_ first, into another, the hot drinks losing their lids, and the contents spilling out onto whoever was unfortunate enough to have shared the same path as the blonde. She fell to the pavement, hands shooting out behind her. Her glasses flew from her face and onto the surrounding grass, _thankfully_ , and Kara frantically, jumped up to find them, only to have her head meet forcefully with the chin of whoever she had just dumped coffee on.

 

“Oh, golly! I’m so, so sorry! I can’t- Oh I’m sorry-“ Her hands found her glasses, put them back on her face and turned to face the poor soul she had practically attacked.

 

* * *

 

Lena was smiling, reading the incoming messages from her future lunch date. Sure, she was still nervous about the fateful meeting later on, but the woman’s digital conversation eased her a smidge. Jess was reading off the rest of the agenda, handing her speech to her, just in case, as Lena had already memorized it, when suddenly searing heat soaked through her thin blouse and onto her face. Shocked, her eyes were still closed, hands shot out to the side. Still having not opened her eyes yet, her teeth harshly clanked together; whomever that had just ran into her had _also_ struck into her chin from below with a _very_ hard head. Lena stumbled back from the force, knocking into Jess who, _thankfully_ , was solid and caught her flailing boss.

 

“Oh, my gosh! I’m so sorry! I can’t tell you how sorry, I am, oh my gosh, please, I’m so-“ The familiar voice cut off as Lena finally wiped the coffee from her eyes, no doubt smudging away her make up. Her ears rang from the previous blow and she felt light headed, skin flushed red from the heat of the drinks. Lena felt herself being escorted from the scene, strong arms guiding her back inside. Still, a faint voice cried out, unsure.

 

“L-Lena?”

 

* * *

 

It took Kara a second, but despite the lack of glasses, the swipe of lipstick, or the hint with the hair down, she _knew_ that it was Lena. Now, _why_ was Lena here? No clue. But she was going to find out, and that began with following wherever Lena was just ushered to. She made it as far as inside the building before two large, suited men stopped her.

 

“Ms. Luthor needs a moment away from the media.”

 

“But I’m not- Wait…” Kara’s brow furrowed back into the crinkle. “Ms. Luthor?”

 

“Yes?” The bald one of the two looked confused momentarily, before turning Kara around a tad forcefully. “Please leave.” It sounded much more like a demand than a request, so the smaller blonde complied, retreating back to the outside. The coffee cups were abandoned on the sidewalk, so Kara picked them up and threw them away. Everything seemed as if it were wrapped in cotton, the idea that she had just met the woman she’d been talking to for months by literally _running_ into her, struck her. _Just like your head did to her chin, dumb-dumb_. Blushing at the thought, Kara’s head fell to her hand, and, rubbing her temples, she made her way back to James, a look of confusion and concern etched on his features.

 

“Kar, what happened?”

 

“I don’t wanna talk about it,” she muttered, nausea suddenly rising in her stomach, throwing her off. She felt herself pale, before a woman stepped up on the stage.

 

“I’m afraid this will be postponed for a few more minutes. Ms. Luthor had something suddenly come up, but she will be back shortly. Thank you all for your patience.” Kara felt herself blush at the mention of something ‘coming up’, which attracted the attention of her friend.

 

“Kara…” James turned towards the blonde, head burying further in her hands, “what did you do?”

 

* * *

 

Lena dabbed at her blouse with quickly dampening napkins, cheap ones that Jess somehow managed to grab. The shirt was ruined, the cream of the fabric stained darkly from the liquid. Her hotel wasn’t too far from the office space they were renting, so she sent Jess on a mission to find that one green dress she knew she had packed, before facing a half a dozen or so eager faces.

 

“Well, if you all would be so kind as to please _leave_ , I would like to get out of the shirt.” The rest of the request went unsaid, as they scurried out the door, the sudden silence after all the chatter overwhelming. Lena grabbed a bottle of water Jess always carried, _thank god she left it,_ and began wetting a napkin. Sighing, she began peeling off the shirt, but the fabric clung to her bra, then her chest, and Lena soon found herself trapped. Adding to that, a quiet _thud_ alerted her to the presence of someone else being there, and panic rose in her chest.

 

“Oh my goodness, Lena!” The all too familiar voice of Kara matched her current state of vision, which was none, just like she was used to hearing over the phone. A tugging feeling brought her back, and soon she was freed from the ensnaring blouse. All she was left in was a bra, and so she covered her chest with her hands, slowly turning around to finally face her long distance friend.

 

As soon as she did, the breath left her lungs, just as it did the first time she saw Kara over the phone. Lena was at a loss for words as green eyes met blue for the first time in real life, and the CEO found herself unable to speak. Kara mistook the silence for something else, and quickly unsure hands were taking off a dark blue sweater, shoving the soft material into the hands of the brunette. It was only then when Lena realized the blonde was speaking, and she tuned in.

 

“-and it’s all my fault, I should have been paying attention, and then I was in on you all like this! Oh golly, I’m so sorry-“

 

“Kara,” Lena interrupted what had probably been a prolonged ramble, and the blonde immediately quieted. Those bright blue eyes were fixed on hers, and suddenly everything felt so overwhelming. “Kara,” she breathed out, hands reaching out to touch the woman’s hand. “Hi.”

 

A bright red took over the blonde’s features as she blushed, playing with her glasses. She looked down, actively _not_ looking at Lena’s exposed chest.

 

“Hi.”

 

“I should probably-“

 

“Yeah.” The blue cardigan was too tight around Lena’s chest, but she buttoned it up anyway. If anything, it just gave her a bit of a boost. _Which is wholly inappropriate for this situation, god Lena, you are a completely useless lesbi-_

“Again, I’m so sorry!” Kara’s baby blues pleaded with her, and Lena quickly forgave.

 

“It’s alright, Kara,” she smiled. Kara smiled back. The two just stood there, grinning like _idiots_ until a low knock disrupted the comfortable silence. Kara’s eyes widened, and she tripped over one of the chairs littering the room.

 

“Ms. Luthor?” Jess called, opening the door. Lena had rushed over to help Kara up, buttons on the cardigan undoing from the strain and motion. The picture was not raunchy, per se, but was less than innocence in its suggestion.

 

“Oh, Ms. Luthor! I’m- I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to intrude! Here’s the dress, again, I’m so sorry!” The pair were frozen in their spots while Jess almost threw the dress onto the table, rushing out again quickly. Lena turned to look at Kara, Kara turned to look at Lena, before bursting out into laughter. Kara sat down on the floor, bringing Lena with her. They carried on like that, wildly cackling until their stomachs ached and cheeks burned, until they eventually died down, tears running down their cheeks.

 

“I’ll,” Lena blushed, “I’ll get dressed.”

 

“That’s a good idea.” Lena couldn’t help the quick flash down to look at the blonde’s full lips, before her eyes returned dutifully to the other woman’s.

 

“Are we still on for lunch,” Kara questioned cautiously.

 

“Well,” Lena smirked, eyes flashing playfully, “I might be a tad late.”

 

The two rose, matching blushes on each of their faces, until Kara motioned awkwardly with her hands that she was making her way to the door. Lena smiled, the wordless conversation between them answering. It was all very smooth….

 

Then Kara walked into the wall.

 

“Ow! Ow! My bad, my bad! I’ll just be-“ and she rapidly opened the door, slipping out, Lena left alone in an abandoned conference room, half dressed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i really want a coke, but it's too late for a coke, but it sounds sooooo refreshing rn. 
> 
> im also eating all my chocolate i snuck on the plane bc #easter
> 
> dammit i want a coke.
> 
> hmu @starryeyedhoe if you wanna buy me one, follow me, or send me asks bc i like those ask memes but no one ever sends me numbers and i get sad :( friends don't let friends be sad (jk thats v manipulative thinking don't do that)
> 
> song rec-  
> letterman - gay nineties


	9. i look in her eyes (i think i've been looking for you all my life)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Aftermath...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey howdy ho. so, ill probably be closer to a regular schedule again, but maybe not because school is beginning to end which means hell weeks. but i managed to write this without the world falling apart sooooooo geaux me. 
> 
> hope y'all like this, it seems a little filler-y but like it sets up some important plot points i swear
> 
> also my computer restarted and deleted my whole outline so we just gonna go w it now!! yaaaay!
> 
> all the mistakes are mine, i birthed them, gave them life, raised them
> 
> chapter title-  
> she's casual- the hunna

The facts hadn’t really hit Kara yet. Sure, she had spilled coffee on, almost broke the jaw of, walked in on half dressed, and then ran into a wall in front of Lena. Lena _Luthor_. The woman everyone supposedly feared. The woman that was bad news for National City and Metropolis. The woman who once called her _just_ to say she saw two corgi puppies and that she knew Kara loved them and she was sorry she didn’t get any pictures but _Kara they were so cute I totally understand now_.

 

How was this happening?  


Kara stumbled her way out the building and back to James, still waiting patiently in front of the makeshift stage to serve for Lena’s speech. He was fiddling with his camera, concentrating on the lens for some reason that was beyond Kara. As he heard her approaching, his head lifted, and a small smile looked back at Kara, while she wore a look of utter shock and like she was going to throw up. Immediately, James’ smile turned to a flash of concern.

 

“Kara, are you ok? What happened? What did you do?” It was too many questions at once, and her throat was inexplicably dry, not permitting her to respond. She just shook her head ‘no’, and reached out for his arm to steady her. After a few minutes of controlled breathing, Kara felt herself return back to normal, not fully, but almost, and she closed her eyes. Kara took off her glasses and rubbed at the bridge of nose, then her temples, and finally at the small sore spot on her head. The microphone rang out, causing the crowd of reporters and a few onlookers to cringe before it subsided, and the woman that had walked in on her and Lena earlier adjust the microphone before speaking.

 

“Apologies for the delay; let’s begin, shall we? Now, here at this corporation, we have been working closely within our community in Metropolis, as well as reaching out to others across the country, from here, in National City, all the way to New York City. We asked question, supplied answers, _worked together_. And that is what out CEO, Lena Luthor, is here to tell you all about. Lena,” and the woman stepped back, before Lena graced the stage, the green dress she had changed into striking against her pale skin, bringing out the matching ones in her eyes. The vision took what little breath Kara had away, her eyes drawn and glued on the elegant figure. She was too entranced by all that was _Lena_ , and hadn’t tuned in to what was being said. With a shake of her head, she focused her hearing on the words coming out of the woman’s mouth, catching the tail end of a sentence.

 

“- has no doubt planted the seeds of doubt in your head, but I assure you: I am not my brother. I am here to propel this company into the future, into acceptance. With this new mission, comes this.” A dramatic flair from behind Lena pulled the silver material off of whatever it was covering. Revealed to the crowd was a think poster board, displaying a new brand, a new name. _L-Corp._

 

“Starting next month, L-Corp will be moving here, to National City. We have determined it is the perfect place for the company to grow and to learn. We are prepared for the challenges, the adversity, as well as the evolution of us as a company,” Lena paused for a beat, making eye contact with someone in the crowd, “and for us individually. I am now open for questions.” The replies came in droves, rapidly shot out inquiries firing at Lena on stage. She took them with a practiced ease that Kara could tell _almost_ came naturally. One by one, each reporter was answered, and the constant _click click_ of James’ camera next to her was almost rhythmic in the way it was matching the rise and fall of the interactions. It was poetic, in a way; the way Lena was posed on stage, as if she belonged there, with the lights and the cameras and the crowd, the whole thing seeming like a dance, a performance. While most of the world may just see this as that, a feeble attempt as masking Lutho- _L-Corp_ ’ _s_ true intentions, Kara could see the genuine sentiments in Lena’s eyes, even though they were aggressively _not_ looking at her.

 

The questions died down, and soon enough, Lena was being escorted off stage by the men Kara had interacted with earlier. The crowd dispersed, leaving Kara and James standing alone, the taller man doing some last minute shots, then going through what he had just taken. Kara tapped her foot anxiously, looking around her for any sight of the raven hair that was ten times _more_ enticing than it was on camera, on a tiny screen in front of her. Everything about Lena just seemed _more_ in real life, while Kara felt she was probably a little more than a disappointment to the CEO _. A CEO._ Kara’s small assistant job paled in comparison to that. Hell, Lena probably had her _own_ assistant, and balked at Kara’s complaints when she had to run something for Cat. Before she knew it, her phone was in her hands, her texting conversation with Lena pulled up. Her last message was still half typed out, and she quickly deleted it. She was about to type out a new message when James sidled up to her.

 

“Lena…. Who’s tha-“ His eyes got comically wide, Kara could tell, despite looking at him from the sides of her vision.

 

“No.”

 

“No, what?”

 

“Just…. No, Kara. No.”

 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

 

“Lena! _Your_ Lena is _that_ Lena?!”

 

“She’s not mine!” Kara barked back, pulling her phone out of his grip and stuffing it into her pocket. “Besides that, what makes you think you can just tell me ‘no’?”

 

“Alex wouldn’t approve about you talking with a _Luthor_.”

 

“Well, thank _god_ I’m not Alex,” Kara’s brow furrowed, eyes narrowed, and her arms came to cross in front of her chest. James’ eyes matched expression with hers, a wordless argument transpiring between the two. Finally, James put his arms up, face etched in annoyance.

 

“Fine! I’m not in charge of you, Kara, yes. But I _am_ your friend,” his voice lost that edge of anger for a moment as his hand came to rest on her shoulder. “And as your friend, I feel like I’m liable to tell you that you’re making a mistake. This is dangerous.”

 

“I don’t need _you_ ,” Kara spat out, eyes filling with fire, “to determine what I can and can’t handle. That’s for _me_ to decide; not you, not Alex, not anyone.” Kara paused for a beat more, allowing James to say anything he felt he may need to. He didn’t. A thought struck Kara, and she quickly voiced it.

 

“You know who has _never once_ told me what to do? Lena. Yeah, that great big, bad controlling _evil incarnate_ has never, not a single time, told me what I should do with my life. So if you’ll _excuse me_ ,” Kara turned around, not sure exactly where she was headed, “I have to run off for lunch.” Her determine stride carried her away from her friend, now alone on the grass.

 

“It’s only a little past eleven now, Kara!”

 

“Oh, bite me!”

 

* * *

 

James was right, though. Kara couldn’t go to lunch _now_ , not when they had decided on the time to be after twelve. She had found herself back at CatCo soon enough, and her anger fueled her all the way to her desk, steam rolling off in waves that attracted the attention of all her coworkers. _What the hell could make sunny Kara Danvers angry?_ She huffed a final time as she plopped down in her chair, the seat huffing in a slight protest at the action. Winn looked across at her, eyes wide at the radiating fury of his usually even tempered friend.

 

“Hey, Kar…” Winn started, slowly, dragging out her name. “What’s up?”

 

“I don’t want to talk about,” Kara snapped out, before looking a tad sheepish. “Sorry, I didn’t mean- It’s just- _ugh_!”

 

“Hey, hey, use your words.”

 

“It’s- _James_.”

 

“’It’s James?’ What’s James?”

 

“An _ass_.”

 

“Oh wow, it must be serious. You just cussed.” Kara dropped her head in her hands at Winn’s unsure chuckle, before he got up, perching on her desk. Winn extended a comforting hand on her shoulder, his head picking up and turning towards the _ding_ of the elevator, watching the aforementioned James step out of the elevator. Winn made a questioning face at the taller man, but was met with a half-hearted shrug. Kara made a noise of discontent, bringing Winn’s attention back to the blonde, attempting to soother her. All if was doing was making Kara angrier, so she shrugged away his hand.

 

“Sorry, Winn, I just…. Don’t want to be touched right now, alright?”

 

“Hey, you don’t have to ask _me_ if it’s alright to not touch _you_. Your body, Kar. Want some hot chocolate? I think there’s some mix left in the break room.” Kara smiled and nodded, sending her friend on his way. After a moment of quiet, her phone buzzed in her pocket, eliciting a yelp of surprise.

 

**Lena**

**11:32 AM**

I understand if that was.. too much

And if you want to cancel lunch

I’m sorry

 

**Kara**

**11:33 AM**

theres nothing to be sorry about :)

i’m still up for it if you are

 

**Lena**

**11:33 AM**

Same time and place, then?

 

**Kara**

**11:34 AM**

well, maybe now i expect fancier digs ;)

jkjk

sounds good!

 

“Kiera!” Cat’s voice rang through the office and out to her desk. Kara jumped up, scrambled to get out from where she was trapped between her chair and her desk, but her shoe got caught up in the wheel of her chair. A small yelp was all that suggested she fell, as well as the loud _thud_ as she hit the floor.

 

“I’m good, I’m good!” She declared to no one in particular, then popped back up, readjusting her blouse, _without her sweater, dang it!_ Brushing off the last few bits of whatever was on the floor, she opened the door to Cat’s office, waiting patiently for instructions.

 

“How was the conference?” The question took Kara back for a second, blinking at the question painted as casual.

 

“It was, uh, well…”

 

“That’s hardly the response I was hoping to hear.” Cat dropped the papers she was looking at on her desk, taking off her glasses.

 

“Well, um… Len- Ms _. Luthor_ was there, and she is, she’s changing Luthor Corp to L-Corp.” Cat just blinked back at her, then shook her head.

 

“I already knew _that_ , Kiera. It was tweeted out by some online journalist half an hour ago. I want to know how _was_ it?”

 

“I don’t think I get what you-“

 

“Go get me my latte, please,” Cat returned her attention back to her abandoned work, glasses coming back to ret on her nose. “ _Now_ ,” she prompted when Kara hadn’t moved. The blonde made an “o” shape with her mouth, before scrambling to grab the door handle and make her way out. Watching her go, Cat shook her head; more disbelief than disappointment, but both were present. This was going to be harder than she thought

  

* * *

 

 

Lena had gotten to the restaurant early. Not by much, but enough that Kara hadn’t shown up yet. She was planning on changing between the conference and lunch so that Kara wouldn’t have been put off by her nicer dress, but now that Kara knew, she doubted it mattered. So there she was, decidedly out of place in the more casual restaurant. She fiddled with the napkin she had prematurely unwrapped into her lap, then adjusting the silverware a final time. Lena checked the time, noting that Kara was probably going to be there in about ten more minutes, maybe later. But when she looked up, the blonde was standing in the entrance of the restaurant, searching for her _date? Was that what this was? No._ Her friend. Soon enough, they made eye contact, and Lena’s stomach dropped. Those deep blue eyes entranced her, and she rose from the table as Kara approached.

 

“Hey,” she smiled.

 

“Hey,” Kara smiled back. The two stood like they did earlier, just looking, before Lena shook herself from the reverie, then motioned for Kara to sit. Kara giggled, and pulled Lena into a hug. Her arms went still from the shock, before they wound themselves around Kara’s warm frame. The hug was a beat longer than what should be considered friendly, but eventually, Lena pulled away, feeling the hot breath of Kara’s sigh against her neck. The two sat down in unison, and Kara opened the menu. Lena had already looked, but followed suit, sneaking glances across the top of her menu. She was soon caught, as Kara’s eyes met hers, crinkling at the sides from a hidden smile. Lena blushed and looked back down, then placed her menu down. Kara did the same eventually, finally deciding on what she wanted to eat. The two sat in a comfortable silence, stealing a few glances at each other. The waitress came by, cutting through the quiet surrounding them, and they both placed their orders, gingerly handing back the menus.

 

“So…” Kara began, playing with the straw in her water, before leaning down to take a sip.

 

“So.” Lena’s eyebrow arched, waiting for Kara to say something. It was a tad concerning; they both were able to talk for hours, about anything, but now here… Lena worried that now that Kara knew, it wouldn’t be the same.

 

“Well, I guess we should address the elephant in the room.” Lena nodded, agreeing. She was about to speak, when Kara piped up again.

 

“Her name is Ellie, she’s an African elephant, loves water, doesn’t like peanuts, despite the vicious stereotypes.” Kara smirked at her comment, waiting for Lena to catch up from the confused look in her eyes. It took the brunette a moment, before her eyes flashed with humor, a grin gracing her lips.

 

“Ah yes, her. She really is magnificent. Her favorite color is pale pink. No one really knows why, it just is. She can paint, too.”

 

“I bet she’s a great artist.” Kara’s pink tongue poked out between her teeth, and Lena felt the overwhelming urge to lean forward and capture it in her mouth. _What the actual hell, Lena?_ It was a few prolonged seconds of staring before Lena pulled her eyes away and towards her glass of water.

 

“Are you ok? With this, I mean,” Lena suddenly blurted out, and Kara’s eyes widened in response. She saw Kara take in a deep breath, then let it out.

 

“It’s… weird. I mean, at first, it didn’t even register that you were, well _you_. I just saw you in the conference room and,” a pretty flush rose to the blonde’s cheeks, “you needed help. That’s all. And then that woman walked in and it was all so…” Kara’s eyes flitted to the top of her vision, searching for the word. “Absurd. It was so, _so absurd_. And I couldn’t help but laugh. You were Lena. And then, I guess I saw _Ms. Luthor_ up on stage, and I dunno. It’s weird.”

 

Lena had turned away during the last bit, but her eyes were brought back to Kara’s when a soft hand touched her own.

 

“But you’re still _you_.” The corner of Lena’s mouth tugged open, her white teeth gleaming as she smiled.

 

“You,” Lena leaned back in her seat, a more mischievous look decorating her features, “are something else, _Kara Danvers_.” The way Lena had said Kara’s name shot a sudden and foreign feeling through the blonde, but she elected to ignore it for the time being. The rest of the lunch went by with the usual conversation they carried. Lena visibly relaxed throughout and Kara had noticed. By the time it was done, check paid by Lena, _but Kara had tried her hardest to pay herself_ , the two made their way down the street towards CatCo. Stopping just outside the building, they turned to each other.

 

“Thank you for walking me back, Lena. I know you’re back in the opposite direction.”

 

“It’s nothing. After all, what are friends for?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so there's that
> 
> I will be bringing the angst, not sure how soon, but i think p soon. i hate/love angst, it's a confusing relationship.
> 
> hmu @starryeyedhoe on tumblr bc I LOVE SEEING NOT PORN BOTS FOLLOWING ME. but also i love constant approval and validation :') tell me about your family, your favorite drink, what is your best friends favorite color, anything BC I HAVE CLASS AND I HATE IT :))))
> 
> i have drunk a lot of coke recently, guys, don't worry. I've stopped going through withdrawals. 
> 
> song rec-  
> strange town-the moderates


	10. i hope they didn't get your mind (your heart is too strong anyway)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Moving sucks, unless a certain blonde helps ;)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok so, this might be the last chance i get to update for like a week, hopefully not two, but i have a few assignments coming up that are going to take time, and then its finals week. however, if you're looking for a nice, finals week themed fic about these two dorks, i did write something like that ;) (SHAMELESS SELF PROMO/PLUG HAHAHAHAH I HATE MYSELF)
> 
> have a good 4/20, blaze it. i'm so used to getting this day off, it's weird that here we don't get it off anymore. 
> 
> chapter title  
> stolen dance- milk chance (what an oldie but a goodie. this song makes me think of sleepovers, taco bell breakfast, and my dads car that i drove once in a while. weird. also makes me think of this girl that I worked with that made me realize i was a lesbian)

It had been a week since their meeting, and Lena had finally begun to settle down in her new home. Her things were moved in, but not unpacked, and the office was finally settling down after a few days of running operations in their new location. While the company was getting into the swing of things, Lena, on a more personal end, was not. Her apartment was a mess; clothes strewn about after quick, indecisive changes, boxes stacked haphazardly on top of the other, some opened, others not, and her bed was a tangle of sheets and a thick comforter, never made in the morning. Lena surveyed around her, taking in the absolute _mess_ her new place was, before sinking down to the floor, legs stretched out in front of her in defeat. It was all just too overwhelming; where to begin, what should go where, all that was above her head. Sliding open her phone, she saw she had a few snapchats from Kara, bringing a weak smile to her face. There was one of some random picture that continued a previous conversation, and then another of some dogs in a park, with the caption being:

 

_“LOOK AT THESE HAPPY PUPPERS I LOVE THEM THEY ARE HAPPY!”_

Lena shook her head in an amused chuckle, before she noted that the last one was sent less than fifteen minutes ago. Lena was desperate, so she sent one of her legs spread out in front of her, the piles around her looking more intimidating from this angle. “Help?” was all it said, and before she could reconsider it, she hit send, and sat back, head coming to rest against the wall behind her. A buzz filled the silence, and she opened her phone, then the snapchat from Kara. It was Kara, hugging a gold retriever, and agreeing to come as soon as she was finished up. Lena had _no_ idea when that was because, knowing Kara, wherever there were dogs, she was not going to leave until she said “hello” to each and every one of them. She sent off her address, and how to get in the building, then closed her phone.

 

So Lena settled back, turned on the TV from the remote on her phone, and put on some random design show; the only type of shows on at the hour, early on a Saturday. Halfway through the show, her buzzer rang, signaling someone requesting entry to her apartment.

 

“Kara?” Lena asked by pressing the button and talking to the speaker.

 

“The one and only!” a chipper voice rang through that could only be Kara. No one else could be _that_ happy this early on a weekend.

 

“I’ll buzz you in,” and she did just that. Soon enough, the elevator attached to her apartment hummed as it moved, and in a few minutes, the doors glided open, revealing a sunny blonde, arms full with some flowers.

 

“These are for you!” Kara beamed, holding out the bright sunflowers. “They aren’t your favorite, I know, but it’s _so_ sunny today, and they’re my favorite, and I saw them on a corner, and I just _had_ to get them, but if you don’t want them, I can have them. They _are_ my favorite-“

 

“Kara,” Lena chuckled, lifting a hand to stop the blonde’s rambling. “They’re beautiful. I love them. Let me find them a vase.” Lena looked around helplessly, before realizing her vases were probably somewhere in a box. “Well, this might be harder than I thought….”

 

“You didn’t label them?”

 

“Well, I just _assumed_ I would know what I put where, but apparently all cardboard boxes look strikingly similar all closed up. Kara rolled her eyes, smiling, then took the flowers back, placing them gingerly on the counter.

 

“Guess we better start, before the flowers die, huh?”

 

“Yes, I suppose we should.”

 

* * *

 

Half an hour later, and only three boxes had been unpacked. Kara had gotten distracted as soon as Lena’s box of more personal items had been opened. They had found the glasses, and settled for a tall glass to save the flowers for the time being. Then Kara found her little trinkets from her travels. Little things she had grabbed from around the world, whenever she had a spare moment. Clay elephants from South Africa, a tiny set of nesting dolls from Russia, painted so ornately and delicately. A small, jade Buddha from India, some fun Harajuku toys from Japan; anything that had managed to capture Lena’s eye. Kara had endless questions about each one; where were they from, where did she find them, who was selling them, how much were they, what was that country like, all sorts of inquiries. Lena was more than willing to answer them, and the morning turned into the afternoon once Kara had finished going through that box.

 

“Oh, golly,” Kara’s eyes widened, “I wasn’t helpful at _all_. I’m so sorry Lena.”

 

“It’s fine,” Lena smiled fondly, standing up from where they had lounged on the floor, and Kara followed. She was about to tell Kara something about it being ‘nice to relive these memories’ but her left leg had fallen asleep from their previous position, and it was unable to support her. The brunette fell forward, but, instead of meeting the ground, surprisingly strong arms wrapped themselves around her own, steadying her.

 

“Whoa!” Kara laughed, trying to right Lena. Lena just blushed, shaking out her leg. “Fallen asleep there, huh?” Kara’s eyes glinted with the teasing, a smirk across her features. Lena narrowed her eyes playfully, but was still aware of Kara’s strong arms encircling her.

 

“Well, _someone_ decided it would be a good idea to sit on the hard floor for three hours,” Lean teased, but her smile dimmed as she looked into Kara’s eyes, a strange look in her eyes. They two stood like that for a while, Lena feeling them subconsciously move closer. Lena’s eyes flickered down to the blonde’s lips, and Lena noticed Kara’s do the same to hers. They were breathing in each other’s air, practically, till the sudden ring of Kara’s phone shook them from the moment. Lena leapt back, her leg not fully awake, and the pins and needles felt sharp in her calf. She took hold of a barstool, holding herself up, while Kara answered her phone.

 

“Hello? Oh, hey Alex. No I’m not- Yeah, sorry… Alex calm down, it’s fine. I’m sorry, I’ll let you know next time, ok? I- Yes, yes, I’ll call you back. Bye.” Lena lifted a brow at Kara’s annoyed look, and caught the eye of Kara.

 

“That was my sister,” she explained. “She wanted to know where I was because I told her I was going to the dog park, but I never told her I got back, so she thought I _died_ or something, but she should know that I don’t have to check in with her _every five minutes_ , I swear. I’m not a child!” Lena’s face must have been in some shocked state, because Kara began to apologize. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry, you don’t need to hear about this, your life is probably ten times more stressful than mine, and here I am, complaining about my _sister_ of all things, geez-“

 

“Kara, it’s fine, I promise. No one’s problems are more important or less important than another’s. Do you…” Lena avoided looking in Kara’s eyes, “do you need to head back?”

 

“Of course not!” Kara seemed almost offended at the notion, and she quickly opened a new box. “There’s no way I could I just _leave_ you like this. This is a full day job, and we’ve already wasted a lot of it.”

 

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena said, grabbing Kara’s wrist to stop her. The two stood like that for a few beats, before a soft smile graced Kara’s face.

 

“It’s nothing. What are friends for?” Kara repeated her earlier words, a coy look in her eyes.

 

 _Of course_ , Lena thought bitterly for some reason, _‘friends_ ’. She was becoming less and less ok with that, and she couldn’t quite put the finger on why.

 

* * *

 

The rest of the packing went as well as expected. Lena had turned on her sound system, playing some Spotify playlist Kara had made and always listened to whenever she was doing something boring or long. Lena wasn’t the _most_ versed in popular music, or any music at all for that reason, but she recognized one or two. When it was a song they both knew, Kara had grabbed Lena’s hands, pulling her into a silly dance- mainly just jumping, swaying wildly, singing on the tops of their lungs. At some point, Kara had pulled out her phone, and filmed some of it, putting it on her story. Lena felt honored that Kara deemed her worthy of her story, and soon, but not really, the apartment was unpacked, her stuff in its new home. The sun had set an hour ago, and Kara’s stomach grumbled in dissatisfaction.

 

“Someone sounds hungry,” Lena winked, prompting a furious blush on her friend.

 

“Well, I mean, we _did_ just set up your _entire_ apartment. Excuse me if a gal gets a little hungry.”

 

“Oh my god,” Lena looked shocked, “I’m so sorry! I didn’t even offer you anything! You did all this and I never once asked, oh my god, you must think I’m the worst! I can grab- or well- I’m not- water?!”

 

“’Water’?” Kara smirked, looking at Lena’s frantic movements as she searched her bare kitchen. “Lena, it’s fine. I promise. We can just grab dinner. I know a great Chinese place not that far from here. You up for it?”

 

* * *

 

The Chinese restaurant was small, booths shoved together on the side, with a wider space in the middle, filled with chairs. The crampness gave it character, and Lena was glad that the space pushed her together with Kara.

 

“We can get to go, they’re a tad crowded tonight,” Kara winced as a child elbowed her in the stomach, furthering her point. Lena nodded, and the two made their way to the front slowly. Well, more like the crowded moved up slowly, carrying them along with it. They eventually placed their order, comprising mostly of potstickers, then were carried to the side, waiting for their order. Lena and Kara just shared amused looks the whole time, making conversation with their eyes and expressions, the loud restaurant hindering them from being able to hear each other. The food finally was out, and they squeezed their way back out, into the fresh air. Kara gasped dramatically.

 

“Air! Clean air! I can breathe!” Kara gasped, doubling over and pretending to be out of air. Lena laughed at Kara’s antics, then bringing her arm to loop around the other’s. The two walked arm and arm, before finally settling on a park, a few kids still left, playing with their friends, their families looking on at them. Lena and Kara found a bench, then set out their hoard, the loud giggles and screams of playing children filling the warm, summer air. Conversation flowed, filling each other in on their weeks that they hadn’t said over the phone. Lena noticed the silent ringing on Kara’s phone, lighting up every few minutes from an incoming call.

 

“Kara, you’ve got someone calling you.”

 

“It’s just Alex,” she sighed, fork stabbing at a potsticker. “She’s probably just going to scold me for ‘not letting her know I’d be out later’ or something like that.”

 

“Maybe, but she’s called you a few times, so it might be something more pressing than that. Maybe, I have no idea.” Kara seemed to ponder the question, before swiping ‘answer’ on the latest call.

 

“LENA LUTHOR?!” a voice rang through Kara’s phone, loud enough for Lena to hear across the table.

 

“What?”

 

“You. Were with. Lena. LUTHOR?! What the actual hell, Kara?! I explicitly told you she’s dangerous, and what the hell do you do? Go dance with her somewhere, and then never call me?! I’m your sister, I thought you respected my opinion?”

 

“Alex wait-“ but Kara was just cut off by more of Alex’s ranting. The line went silent, before a softer voice came through. Lena couldn’t tell what was being said now, the voice speaking lower, but it sounded suspiciously like a certain detective that had come to see her. Kara’s shoulders hunched, before saying her goodbyes and hanging up the phone.

 

“I’m so sorry-“ Kara began, but was stopped by Lena standing.

 

“It’s fine.” It came out harsher than Lena had anticipated. “Really. Let’s get you home, hmm?” Kara looked sheepish, before nodding, then collecting her trash, the two of them finding an empty enough trashcan.

 

They made their way to Kara’s apartment, and Lena could see a figure standing in a window, overlooking the two as they stood below. Kara worried her lip, looking at Lena as they turned to say goodnight. Something about what Alex had said was sticking to Lena, settling deep inside her. No, it wasn’t _what_ she said, but rather _how_ she said it. Lena was used to people questioning her morals, her motivations, but the absolute _disdain_ and _hatred_ was generally unheard when reading newspapers and magazines. The two locked eyes, and she say Kara take in a deep breath, preparing to speak.

 

“Lena-“

 

“I’m really sorry, Kara. I don’t know what else to say. But just know, I’m sorry.” Lena turned on her heel, walking away, and leaving the blonde with unshed tears, before she herself turned and began to ascend the stairs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this was kinda hard to start, bc i didn't know where i wanted to go and i ended up having to take a few breaks writing this to focus my mind. so apologies if it's all over the place. my b.
> 
> love y'all, and i would love you more if you hmu @starryeyedhoe (jk i love you all equally you are my children) and you can tell me about what made YOU realize you were gay (or straight, who knows) (by 'gay' i mean like LGBTQ+ in general). the first inkling of gay was hayley atwell, then natasha negovanlis as carmilla season 1 made me think bi, and then that girl/rose from rose and rosie made me think lesbian. what a fun fact for your day today.
> 
> i got a basketball and a sonic gift card yesterday. #yeet
> 
> song rec-  
> wind in my hair - mandy moore/tangled the series (GUYS IVE HAD THIS ON BLAST FOR THE PAST WEEK IT'S SO CUTE)


	11. and i'm a liar cause you'll think i've grown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Heated discussions and bleak mornings

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol sorry this took so long, my b. we are entering dead week, but it's never dead during dead week so i might not get a new chapter out till after finals, but i also love procrastinating, so jot that down. 
> 
> this chapter was a bitch to write, so thank you to everyone who listened to me bitch about it, all my fucks and shits that i said. thank you, loves.
> 
> have fun w this lol, the mistakes are here and are my best friends
> 
> chapter title-  
> dont stand a chance - the gromble

The ascent up to her apartment was the longest it had ever been, her feet feeling like solid lead as she trudged up the long flight of stairs. Her body felt heavy, and it was increasingly difficult for her to find the strength to bring herself closer to her apartment, and where Alex was most likely waiting. Kara fished through her pockets until her fingers came in contact with the cool metal of her key. Her hands were trembling slightly, fighting off the tears threatening to spill from her eyes, and finally the key found its home in the lock, and, using all her might, Kara pushed open the door, stepping into the apartment, then immediately turning around to close the door, resting her head against it.

 

“Where the _hell_ were you?”

 

“Alex, don’t-“

 

“No, you don’t get to ‘ _Alex don’t_ ’ this! You were hanging out with the most dangerous woman in the _world_ right now, probably, and you don’t tell me _where_ you are. She could have-“

 

“Shut. The _fuck_. Up, Alex. I’m not twelve anymore, you don’t get to tell me what to do, where to go, _who to hang out with_. I am an adult, for god’s sake! I can make my own decisions, and _dammit_ you all talk about Lena as if you know her. You don’t; I do.” Kara took in a deep breath, eyes closing. Her fingers found their place on her temples and rubbed, willing her anger to chill out for a second.

 

“I know…. I know you mean well, Alex,” Kara’s eyes, once opened, conveyed the understanding, “you couldn’t help with Mike. I didn’t tell anyone bout Mike. _You couldn’t save me from him_. But you don’t have to worry about that. Number one, because Lena probably hates me right now.” The blonde’s voice cracked, the emotion from earlier coming back up as the vision of Lena walking away haunted her. She found herself sitting suddenly, her legs giving way. Soon, the tears fell freely, and Kara was filled with regret.

 

“Hey, hey, hey,” Alex softened, and came to rest down next to her sister. The red head’s arms came up to wrap around her sister, but the blonde jumped at the touch. Alex kept her arms hovering, making eye contact when her sister finally turned to look at her. A near imperceptible nod prompted Alex to gingerly place her arms around the blonde, till she broke down.

 

“Sh-she’s gone, Alex. She was so-so upset,” was all Kara could get out between sobs before she was unable to speak anymore.

 

“It’s alright, hon. It’s gonna be alright.” Alex rubbed soothingly up her arms, kissing the top of her head before resting her chin. A few more seconds passed, then Alex took a deep breath.

 

“I-I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have judged her. But it’s so _hard_ when-“ Kara pulled back sharply, eyes narrowing at her sister’s choice of words. Alex immediately stopped and thought through her next words carefully.

 

“I mean…. I just shouldn’t have. But she _did_ lie to you, Kara. Maggie told me-“

 

“Maggie?!” Kara shot straight up, taking her arms from where they were around the older woman’s waist, then bringing them around her own. “What the hell did Maggie tell you?” The blonde was soon off the couch, beginning her angry pace.

 

“Kara what- I mean, she just told me that she met Lena and-“

 

“She met Lena?!” Kara stopped her pacing and turned on her heel, heading back towards her sister. “What- how- when did she do that?”

 

“Lena didn’t tell you? Kara, she keeps hiding things from you-“

 

“ _Don’t_ turn this on her. It wasn’t her place to go to Lena. And Lena didn’t- she never- she didn’t _lie_ -“

 

“Did she tell you her last name?” Kara’s face quickly downturned as her eyes went to the floor. A beat passed, before Kara spoke up again.

 

“No, but-“

 

“Did she tell you what she does?”

 

“Well, not exactly-“

 

“Did she tell you about her brother? What he did?”

 

“No! She didn’t-“

 

“She _lied_ , Kara. I know you love to see the good in everyone,” Alex’s voice softened as she extended her hand out to her sister, “but Lena isn’t good.”

 

Kara looked at her outstretched hand. If she took it, she would be betraying everything she believed; that Lena was _good_. But Alex was her sister, and she respected her more than anyone else. Suddenly she felt all too overwhelmed, and with her throat tightening, the walls closing in around her, she managed to squeak out “get out,” and turned away from Alex, retreating quickly to her bedroom and slamming the door, locking it for good measure. She leaned against the doorframe, panic still heavy in her chest, oxygen becoming harder to find. Her phone scrambled for Lena’s number through her tear-blurred vision. Numb fingers tapped mindlessly at the screen until squiggles that vaguely looked like Lena’s contact showed up, and she held the phone close to her ear, the dial tone tinny and faint in her ear.

 

“Pick up, pick up, pick up,” she muttered quietly through the tears. The ringing droned on, until she was met with the click of the short and impersonal voicemail message. Kara tried to get out her apology; how sorry she was and if Lena could ever forgive her, but, feeling it was just coming out slurred garble, she hung up abruptly, before chucking her phone against the wall. The pounding in her head felt as if it was wrapped in cotton, her nose full, and she felt sleepy as the adrenaline left her body. The stillness of the apartment consumed her, a light patter of rain the only noise. Kara dragged her tired body to bed, pulling off her clothes. She only managed to get off her shirt before she collapsed on the bed, eyelids pulling down heavily. She looked out her wide windows at the blurred city outside, before she realized the blur was coming more from unshed tears than the rain. She tightened her eyes as hard as she could, and willed her tired body to sleep.

 

* * *

 

Lena seemed to black out as she walked home robotically. She had no recollection of how she got back exactly; the route she took, whether or not she grabbed a cab, anything. But suddenly her key was in the door, the telltale _click_ of the lock opening bringing her back to reality. Her head thudded against the solid wood, too heavy for her to keep up anymore. She knew she should go inside. Sighing, she turned the knob, letting herself in. Her keys rang with that familiar metallic sound as it hit her key holder, and she toed her shoes off. The apartment was still not fully unpacked, and looking around, it all seemed to remind her of that sunny blonde.

 

 _Going to have to redo all of this_ , Lena thought and sighed. Running a hand through the loose strands, the brunette left her phone on her counter. Her bare feet were cold against the hardwood, and carried her to her room. She changed quickly, feeling far too drained for how little she did. She knew why, of course, but it was much better to ignore the deep panging in her heart. _She walked away_. Dammit. Kara wasn’t even looking at her angrily. Just, _upset_. A deep sigh rose from deep in her lungs, leaving an empty feeling in its wake. Her eyes were dry from exhaustion, and she knew she should probably take a shower. The small voice in the back of her mind that sound so much like Lillian scolded her on her poor hygiene, but Lena couldn’t find the strength to care. The silence engulfed her as her eyes drifted close towards a restless sleep.

 

* * *

 

A bleak sun broke through the dreary clouds, hitting Lena’s face _just so_ , and waking her up. Groaning, Lena turned to face away from her windows, pulling her pillow with her and over her head. Her eyes remained closed in a feeble attempt to drift back off, but now that she was awake, she wasn’t going back to sleep. If one could even call what just happened sleep. Lena felt even more tired than she was before falling asleep last night. Pulling her body out of her soft bed, Lena made her way to the kitchen. She somehow managed to make a pot of coffee, eyes wanting to close from fatigue. The hot liquid touched her lips, but she let herself feel the burn as it poured past her lips and down her throat, and she felt as if each one of her taste buds were being burned off by the scalding cup. Soon enough, her eyes felt the strength enough to remain open for a longer period of time, and eventually she looked over at her phone, abandoned on the kitchen counter. Lena reached over and pressed the home button, but was met with only a black screen.

 

 _Dead_ , she thought, and sighed, looking around for the spare plug, _Which_ , she remembered _, was still in a box. Fuck._ She knew there was one in her bedroom, the first thing to be unpacked a week ago, and plopped back down into the down comforter. She found the device and plugged it in. It would take a while for it to be charged enough to turn on, so Lena made her way back out in search for her other charger. The apartment was so quiet, Lena could hear the _pings_ of missed notifications from her current spot rifling through boxes. Dusting off her hands, the brunette rose from where she was kneeling, her knees popping from the movement. She reached her phone and went through each individually, deeming which was important and what could be dealt with later. A missed call and voice mail caught her eye, and she lifted the phone to her ear to listen. A panicked and slurred Kara came through, and Lena’s heart immediately sunk to her stomach in guilt.

 

Kara probably thought Lena had abandoned her, left her to deal with her attack alone. And well, yeah, that’s essentially what she had done, she hadn’t meant to. No matter how angry she was, Kara’s safety would always eclipse that.

 

 _What a terrifying thought_.

 

She was about to call her friend back, but it had been hours since the call, and Kara was probably too upset with her. Lena felt overcome with emotion suddenly, and fell down onto her bed, so large and lonely for one person. The tears left unshed from the previous night fell freely down her pale cheeks, which were becoming rapidly more red as she hiccupped and gasped. Her hands blindly reached out for a pillow, then clutched to first one she found to her chest. She’d let Kara down, like she always does.

 

Will she ever stop ruining such perfect things?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> loollllllllllll gotta blast
> 
> yell at me, tell me the children need more love, distract me from finals, whatever your poison is, @starryeyedhoe on tumblr. I'm always here, just like fucking big brother, except, not. 
> 
> have a good dead week, see y'all when I'm dead :)
> 
> song rec  
> tina - young in the city (bc the lyric 'everything will be alright' should speak to y'all rn)


	12. better believe i keep my reasons to myself (better believe it's never been easier)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Thats a good danish.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol I'm dead.
> 
> fr, this week is kicking my ass and i want to die :) already have had three breakdowns, and I almost drank my weight in caffeine in an attempt to calm down
> 
> I LOVE LIFE
> 
> but fr thanks to @frickminister (on tumblr) for being the most lovely person on the planet, bc this would not be written if i was not in a better mental state bc she's so sweet.
> 
> have fun with this, and don't forget, I LOVE SLOW BURN!!!
> 
> the mistakes are here bc I've written so much in the past few days guys, ok?
> 
> chapter title-  
> dancing on glass - st lucia

The next day at CatCo, Kara’s usually perky demeanor was noticeably duller, and the office seemed to be less lively. The clouds hung low, rain threatening the city menacingly, and Kara felt the weather perfectly reflected her mood for the day. Just like the clouds, Kara felt as though she was on the verge of tears for the entire morning, latte for Ms. Grant ready in hand as she stood by the elevator. Her pout was in full force as her gloominess tugged at her posture, shoulders slouched and eyes downcast. The ding of the elevator alerting the floor of their boss’ arrival only brought her body up a tad, but she couldn’t find it in her to stand fully straight. Cat stepped through the doors in her usual flurry and force, but after thirty seconds of her rant, Cat stopped abruptly, the disposition of the room and her aggravatingly sunny assistant unable to go without notice.

 

“Kiera, follow me to my office.” Kara simply nodded, worried her voice would betray her as the tears got even closer to falling. Cat put her latte down on her glass desk, eyes narrowing as she leaned on her palm, arm extended.

 

“What the hell is going on?”

 

“E-excuse me, Ms. Grant?” Kara asked quietly, looking up for the first time since her boss’ entrance. She mentally scolded herself for the shakiness of her voice, but it was too late now.

 

“The whole office looks like they watched a puppy get killed, and you look like the puppy! What happened?” Kara took in a breath as a silence took over the large room. She was about to speak before Cat began speaking again.

 

“It’s that Matt character again, isn’t it? You know, you _can_ get a restraining order against him.”

 

“Ms. Grant how do you know-“

 

“Honestly, Kiera, you’re my assistant for god’s sake. Of course I keep tabs on you.”

 

“Oh-“

 

“And if that whiny _man child_ is causing issues, I can easily have someone take care of that.”

 

“Oh no, Ms. Grant-“

 

“Furthermore, I-“ Before Cat could go any farther, Kara blurted out, stopping Cat in her tracks.

 

“It’s not Mike! It’s- It’s a…. different circumstance.” Kara felt the heat rise to her cheeks, looking back down at the floor. A terse silence was held until the editor in chief let out a large sigh.

 

“Go home, Kiera. You’re bringing down the whole office, and I will _not_ allow productivity to suffer due to your lack of perkiness that is apparently so critical to this magazine.” Cat seemed to be finished as she sat down into her seat, taking a large swig of coffee before opening the top file on her desk. Kara still hadn’t moved from her spot, and a groomed brow lifted slowly.

 

“Anything else?”

 

“Um- no. No, Ms. Grant. Apologies for my… ‘lack of perkiness.’”

 

“Just fix it, Kiera. And leave.”

 

“Yes, Ms. Grant.”

 

* * *

 

Lena wanted nothing more than to call in sick today, but a budding corporation waits for no woman, and unfortunately her presence was desperately needed at L-Corp. The morning had continued with only minor incidents involving interns and scalding coffees, which Lena reacted to _less than politely_. The piles of paperwork she needed to deal with just seemed to grow and grow with each passing minute, and, already wrecked from the Kara issue, Lena felt as though she was going to lose it any second now. The final straw came when an _asshole_ of a man waltzed into her office as if it were his name on the building, and treated her as if she knew less than him. With clenched fists digging bloody half-moons into her palms, Lena called for Jess to speedily escort this man from her building and to dissolve the former partnership there once was between Lex and him.

 

Her shoulders were tensed up to her ears, hands stinging from the fresh cuts, and her jaw hurt from the sheer force that she was unconsciously using to clench her teeth together. Normally she would call Kara to relax her, as the sunny blonde always did, but unfortunately that was now out of the question. Everything came suddenly crashing down, and tears streaked down her makeup unwittingly, drawing fierce lines across her face. Reaching up to brush away the stray hairs, Lena was finally alerted of the intruding emotion as she felt the wetness on the tips of her fingers. Steeling her voice as hard as possible, Lena pushed the button to call up to Jess.

 

“Cancel my next appointment,” was all she could muster, before breaking down and blocking out Jess’ reply. Her sobs fell from her lips uncontrollably and Lena clutched at her sides desperately. She never allowed such a display of emotion before, so what the hell was happening? The muffled voice of her assistant filtered in through her ears, and she only caught on to the tail end of her words when the solid door of her office opened, cautiously. Lena wiped quickly at her eyes, preparing herself for her assistant, but was met with a familiar face.

 

It was the NCPD detective that was dating Kara’s sister. _Maggie_ , she recalls the woman’s first name, before blinking at the small figure in front of her. The detective was holding a box of something, and a delicious smell wafted through the air. It was only then that Lena realized she hadn’t eaten breakfast, nor anything substantial the night before.

 

“Pastries,” Maggie supplied at the sniffing of the CEO’s nose. “From Noonan’s, down by CatCo. Kara’s favorite place for her danishes. You should probably remember that, just for future reference.”

 

“I don’t think,” Lena coughed, trying to shake the waiver from her voice. “I don’t think that information will be very pertinent from now on, Detective.”

 

“Oh, cut the crap, Luthor,” Maggie rolled her eyes, before she realized that this definitely was a much more serious situation than she had previously estimated. “Sorry. That was… inappropriate. I’m here to apologize,” Maggie placed the box of food down on the coffee table, her hands swiftly finding their place in her pockets.

 

“Kara has been… well, frankly, she’s been treated like shit before. By who everyone thought was a nice person. And to see that happiness, that-“ Maggie searched for the word, “that thing that is so distinctly _Kara_ , disappear…. Well, it’s nothing any of us ever want to see again.”

 

“Detective, I don’t know what you think-“

 

“Please,” Maggie held up a hand at her side, “I’ll let you say your piece, but I’d like to finish, if that’s alright.” The words were spoken softly, as if really asking for Lena’s permission. So the brunette nodded slightly, prompting the smaller woman to continue.

 

“You are, well, a _Luthor_. And you’re supposed to be bad. Not saying that’s true, but it’s the narrative. And Kara was hurt by a _good_ guy, supposedly; he didn’t turn out good. So you’ll have to excuse us for finding it hard to believe that someone that has been labeled as ‘evil’ would have any good intentions.” Maggie let a pregnant pause fill the room, before continuing.

 

“But Kara’s been the happiest that I’ve seen her in a _long_ time. And it’s because of you. You make her laugh, and smile, and dance, and sing like she used to,” a small smile tugged at Maggie’s lips. “Like she does _now_. With you in her life. Alex is a dumbass sometime,” Maggie chuckled slightly, “but she’s a _caring_ dumbass. She’s being an idiot right now, and I wish I could get her to see what I’m beginning to see- what _Kara_ has seen all along.

 

“You’re good, Lena. And I’m sorry. Please, _please_ call Kara. I happen to know that she’s currently sulking at home,” a mischievous look found its home on the detective’s features, “and would maybe even like a visitor? That’s up to you. But please,” Maggie’s eyes pleaded with the CEO’s, “don’t leave her alone. She’s been abandoned enough.”

 

Maggie stood in the office a beat longer, before turning and exiting, but Lena called out to stop her.

 

“Detective,” Maggie turned, “do you- do you think Kara would like some pastries?” Maggie’s face broke out into a deep smile, dimples crinkling in her cheeks.

 

“I’m sure she’d love some.”

 

* * *

 

Kara held the pillow tightly against herself, the frown on her face becoming a more and more permanent feature as time wore on. She had found some series on Netflix to fill the quiet of her apartment, and despite the clock only now touching 11 AM, she had already ordered up her favorite comfort food; pizza and potstickers. It was then when a light rapping on the door prompted her to pull her heavy body up from where it had sunk to on the couch, grabbing the money off the table. She opened the door, swinging it wide, hand extended with the money.

 

Instead of Gary with her usual, it was a white box, “Noonan’s” printed across familiarly. Looking up, her eyes met pale green ones, so striking; the thing she was both missing the most and dreading to see.

 

“Hi,” the figure in front of her said sheepishly, shoving the white box further in front of her. “These are for you. Your favorites are in there.”

 

Kara silently took the box, eyes wide and mouth slightly ajar, shocked at the sight in front of her. Lena was standing there, hand twisting in her bag, her plump bottom lip worried between white teeth.

 

“C-Come in,” Kara motioned awkwardly, stepping to the side to let Lena in. The brunette nodded and smiled, taking cautious steps into the apartment she had only ever seen in snapchats and video calls before. Everything seemed more lived in and brighter, despite the gloomy skies.

 

“Umm would you like anything to drink?”

 

“No, that’s quite alright, Kara,” Lena smiled. Kara opened to box and was greeted with her favorite cherry Danish. Her heart swelled and she picked up the treat, before taking a large bite out of it, moaning at the familiar yet delicious taste. Lena was still standing awkwardly in the center of the room, and Kara spoke through the food in her mouth.

 

“You can sit down, if you’d like,” she chipmunked, with food shoved to one side.

 

“Actually I can’t stay long,” Lena began, and Kara’s mood dimmed again, so she swallowed.

 

“Oh, that’s alright.”

 

The two stood there, looking at each other in the center of the apartment, the laugh track of the show filling the silence. While nothing was said, their eyes spoke to each other as they caught gazes. The sun filtered in, clouds breaking and allowing the warmth to shine in the apartment, landing delicately on Lena's face. She was half illuminated, the other half shadowed from the light, creating a beautiful contrast. In her eyes there was a question; in Kara's, a dare. She felt as though she was falling apart and being built up all at once. The question lingered heavy in the air, along with guilt, insecurity. Kara couldn't stand it anymore. Somehow, she found herself standing closer to the CEO, hands coming up to touch tenderly at her face.

 

“Kara…” Lena whispered through the quiet.

 

It was at the utterance of her name, the pure _reverence_ that was thick in her voice. The rest of the sentence was left unspoken, the question left behind as Kara melted, and surged forward. Her lips met softer lips, yet frozen. Kara was about to panic, worried she made a mistake, when those plush lips moved against her own, tentatively at first, before getting deeper. Hands wound around her waist, bringing her in close, and her own arms found themselves in the dark tresses of Lena’s hair, resting on her shoulders as they looped around. A pleasant heat rushed through her body, shivering and the brush of fingertips at the exposed skin between her sweatpants and t-shirt that had ridden up.

 

Sooner that desired, the two separated, foreheads coming together, breaths heavy.

 

“I suppose I don’t have to leave _quite_ as soon,” Lena whispered, prompting a light giggle in response from the blonde. Their lips met again, a forgotten danish with a large bite-mark, on the table, and an over coat strewn haphazardly across a chair.

Kara knew it wasn't over; there were still things that needed to be said, to be answered. But for right now, she was content to live in this tiny box, waiting for the clouds to close back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then they banged.
> 
> jk, they're not gonna do that. if they do, i'll try to write it, not just pretend it happened. but they need to discuss some things....
> 
> good luck with the end of yalls school years, don't do what i did and lie on your floor for two hours and freeze to death.
> 
> hmu @starryeyedhoe bc then you get to see all my breakdowns and lesbians! and send me things bc I'm sad 24/7 and like talking to people
> 
> song rec-  
> lost in my mind- the head and the heart


	13. there'll come a day when i can't hold ya (let me hold you now)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kara and Lena have a talk that ends... differently than what was expected

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ANGST! BEWAREEEE THERE'S SO MUCH ANGST. like seriously, we are verging SO far away from fluff, you better be ready to handle this. also, I'm not just teasing like i was last chapter, i swear. pls, I hope i haven't lost your trust. 
> 
> i guess enjoy? don't hate me if it's too sad or sucky :/
> 
> all mistakes are mine, i only cried a lil while writing and it's hard to find mistakes through tears. 
> 
> chapter title-  
> all we have is now - the modern electric

“Kara,” Lena murmured between heated kisses on the couch. It was becoming increasingly difficult to pry herself away from the woman, put finally she put a hand up to Kara’s chest, effectively halting her actions.

 

“Lena, are you ok? What’s wrong? Did I go too far? Oh my god, did I even get consent before I kissed you? I can’t remember. Oh my goodness, I can’t believe-“

 

“Kara,” Lena chuckled, stopping the blonde’s rambling. “It’s fine. I’m fine, I promise. I just…” Lena bit her kiss swollen lip, looking down at Kara’s matching one. Once again, Lena had to stop the urge to lean and capture it between her teeth, so she bit harder on her own then took a deep breath.

 

“We need to talk,” she managed to get out, voice shaking a tad as she felt Kara’s fingertips run up and down her arm soothingly.

 

“We probably do,” Kara smiled, continuing her ministrations on the pale arm. “But talking is really hard, and I like kissing you.”

 

“I like kissing you too,” Lena smiled fondly, but turned her head away. Kara was entirely too tempting, and if she kept licking her lips at Lena like she was some four course meal, Lena wasn’t going to be able to resist much longer. “But we need to talk about what we- well, what…” Lena’s eyes looked to the side as she thought. “What we’re doing? Or, what we _would_ be doing? That is if you wanted to- I wouldn’t want you to feel like you _had_ to, or force you-“

 

“ _Lena_ ,” Kara whispered sweetly, eyes filled with affection as she looked at the dark-haired woman. “We don’t have to label ourselves as anything if you don’t want to.”

 

“Yes, but-“ Lena swallowed hard in her throat, looking down at her hands, now fumbling with her nails in her lap, “your family. They don’t- if they knew-“

 

“Who cares?” Kara grabbed Lena’s hands with one, then used the other to lift Lena’s chin to face her. Lena was taken aback by the look in Kara’s eyes. She had never seen anything like it before, and the words were escaping her as she felt herself fall deeper and deeper into the deep blue pools. All she could do was nod, her mouth was so dry. So she did. And soon enough, her mouth found it’s place back against Kara’s. Everything didn’t feel as _settled_ as she would like it to, but Lena was feeling something strange, foreign, in her heart. She couldn’t quite name it.

 

* * *

 

A few hours later, Lena had managed to pry herself from Kara and back to the office. She had Jess cancel her appointments before she saw Kara, but was grateful to see Jess had taken the liberty to cancel the next one as well, seeing as her boss was not back when she said she would be. When she stepped into her office, she had noticed a strange look on her receptionist’s face, and it wasn’t until she checked her reflection that she saw the smearing of lipstick across her mouth. Her face flushed to almost the same color as the shade on her lips, _that was practically gone_ , and she went to clean it off before reapplying. She fixed her outfit and gave herself one last look over, then made her way back to her desk. Finally ready, she buzzed for Jess to bring the next meeting in, and put back on her _I’m a big badass bitch CEO_ face.

 

The day went on like usual from there, only with Lena checking her phone constantly to see if Kara had sent any sort of message. It had been radio silence, and Lena was becoming increasingly worried. Had Kara decided she wanted someone better? Someone willing to put a label on things?

 

 _Of course she wouldn’t want you, you’re a Luthor, for Christ’s sake_. The thought loomed over her head as she finished up the last of her paperwork and turned off the desk light next to her. She gathered her things, and grabbed her coat from its place on the rack. She bid her farewell to Jess, insisting that she leave now, and got in the elevator. Her shoulders drooped; the weight of dread dragging them down, and she pressed the button to take her to the bottom floor. As the numbers got lower and lower, she pulled her shoulders back and steeled her features, placing them back into their neutral, but pleasant, position. Saying her goodbyes to the desk guard, she finally exited the building, her driver having already been called. The ride back was silent, her hands wringing with nerves towards the silence from Kara. Her phone was clenched tight in her hands, waiting for any sort of buzz that would alert her.

 

Still, nothing came through, and she sulked the entire elevator ride up. Her back rested against the stainless steel, her head coming next. The bell _dinged_ and she stepped out. At the sight in front of her, Lena physically jumped back, letting out a yelp of surprise.

 

“Tada!” Kara shouted as she popped out from behind the couch. The apartment had been dimmed, candles littering open surfaces. Wine was chilling in some weird container that Lena was certain she didn’t own, and a plate displayed a heap of potstickers in a satisfying circle.

 

“I’ve got movies, wine, potstickers, _of course_ , blankets, comfy pajamas, the whole thing!” Kara was beaming brightly at Lena, a red blanket already wrapped around her shoulders like a cape. Lena stood there, dumbfounded and mouth agape. Kara cocked her head in confusion for a second, before she padded her way over to the brunette, and took the blanket from around her own shoulders to those of the CEO. Kara tapped her chin to close her mouth, and the action darted Lena’s pale green eyes to Kara’s.

 

“H-How did you get in?”

 

“Oh, Dave, in the front! He’s very nice, let me in and everything!” Lena was going to have to have a talk with Dave, but was glad he let this bubbly blonde in. “He said he remembered me from before, and that I was with you. Plus,” Kara’s features hardened with seriousness, her crinkle setting deep between her brows, “I’m _very_ trustworthy.”

 

“Oh yes, I’m sure,” Lena raised her brows, but her eyes were still staring off at her living room. Kara had done all this- for _her_? “Is this why you didn’t call me?” Kara blushed deeply, and tucked a stray hair behind her ear and fidgeted with her glasses.

 

“I get… _too excited_ about things… So if I had called you, I would have been too excited to keep it a secret from you. I’m really bad at keeping secrets.” Lena pulled the blanket around her tighter, and put the two ends in one hand, the other extending down to grab Kara’s. Kara squeezed Lena’s hand and then pulled her gently towards the bedroom.

 

“There are pajamas in here. I’ll get changed in mine in the bathroom. I hope they’re the right size and comfy enough.” Kara gave her a tender peck on the cheek, before pulling her hand from Lena’s. The dark-haired woman turned towards the fluffy clothes laying out on her bed. They were the classic pajama style, with the buttons and striping, but the pattern was anything but traditional. They were fuzzy, that’s the first thing. Bright pink, the kittens played with each other on the clothes, permanent smiles on their kitten faces. Balls of yarn were strewn about, the object of the kitten’s play, and Lena pulled them on. They were a little big, but Lena was sure the size added to the coziness. Stepping back out into the living room, she saw Kara crisscrossed on the floor, the plate of potstickers resting on her thighs in her lap. She was bringing one of the delicious bites to her mouth, when she heard the light _thud_ of the door closing. Her head turned and her mouth hung open in preparation for a bite, but was stopped by the sight of Lena.

 

 _Lena_. Usually grey-scaled, sharp suits, high heels, and dark red lipstick with sleek hair; was standing there, hair loose past her shoulders, hands engulfed by the too long sleeves, and the bright pink of the pajamas softened her. Her bare feet pigeon-toed on the hardwood, cold. Kara blinked, then put the potsticker down. Kara was wearing similar garb; just blue and with puppies rather than kittens. Scooting over, Kara patted the space next her, padded with fluffed pillows and blankets. Lena grabbed the one Kara had placed across the couch before Lena had changed, the red one. It was quickly becoming her favorite. She draped it across their legs as she sat down, fuzzy knees touching. Kara put the plate on their brushing knees, balancing precariously. Lena smiled at Kara’s sharing, and took an offered snack. She didn’t realize how hungry she was before the food touched her tongue, eliciting a soft moan. Lena blushed as she realized what she had done, and turned her face towards Kara. Silence lingered for a second before the two broke out into giggles. Lena carefully put the potstickers down so they wouldn’t spill, and the two found their places lying next to each other, breaths slowing as their laughter died. Snuggled into each other, the two caught each other’s eyes, and Kara turned away, picking up the remote.

 

“So! We have a lot of options. Netflix is great, but I brought some of my own that I _know_ they don’t have. Miss Congeniality, all the classics.”

 

“ _That’s_ your idea of a classic?” Lena scoffed.

 

“Is that _not yours_?” Kara narrowed her eyes.

 

“I’ll admit… I’ve never seen it,” Lena conceded after a beat. Kara shot straight up, rushing to grab the DVD. She put it in, and let it roll, returning back to her place next to Lena. They’re hands intertwined as the movie began and Lena felt herself sink wholly into the blonde. Kara’s head rested against the top of Lena’s, and she kissed the crown of her head lightly.

 

* * *

 

 

The rain had begun to fall, cleaning the city again. The gentle _pat_ against the window went unheard by the two, tangled up in each other. Slow kisses were passed between them as movie after movie went on. They had resulted to just using Netflix, so they didn’t have to get up. The potstickers were gone, the wine half drunk, and Lena felt her cheeks warm with something as she felt Kara’s steady heartbeat _thumping_ against her ear. Her arms were wrapped tightly against Kara’s middle, and Kara was stroking loving lines up and down Lena’s arms and back. Her eyelids felt heavy as she drifted off. Her breathing evened, and she felt soft kisses against her closed eyelids.

 

“Morning, Lena,” Kara whispered against her hair.

 

“Mmm…” was all she was able to mumbled out before sleep took over.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> HA! GOTCHU SO GOOD.
> 
> ok, there will be angst in the future, i promise. it's just that it's thundering and it's finals and i need happy fluff. 
> 
> if you hate me, you can hate follow me or yell at me @starryeyedhoe on tumblr. pls. i need people to talk to me. to get me through this trying time. IVE ONLY TAKEN ONE FINAL OUT OF FIVE AND ITS WEDNESDAY. i should be studying but ha, fictional gays take precedence obvi.
> 
> if y'all got finals, good luck, i wish you well. three shots of espresso over ice is the finals week cocktail. 
> 
> song rec-  
> the mates of soul (remastered) - taylor john williams (OK YALL NEED TO LISTEN TO THIS ONE STARTING WHEN LENA WALKS INTO HER APARTMENT OK??? OK! LISTEN TO ME JUST THIS ONCE)


	14. they say that morning comforts you (they say that morning comes for you )

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fuzzy socks can't fix everything

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> * sneaks out from behind bushes with a brick and this chapter as well as a note saying 'sry i disappeared' on it and throws it at your window *
> 
> chapter title-  
> sleeptalking - travelers

“You’ve disappointed me, Lena. Not to say that is particularly… _unusual_ , no. Nevertheless, I still expected more from you. Held you to a higher standard. I should really stop doing that. I should have learned that you will _always_ disappoint me.” Lillian was circling Lena as if she was some sort of predator, ready to feast on her prey. Lena blinked heavily, her eyelids pulling down yet proceeded to fight it off. Her hands felt numb against the cold wood under her; her knees raw and scraped up. She wasn’t sure how she got there, nor why such a persistent ache ran through her, but the vision of her mother standing above her struck panic in her chest. The haunting _click_ of heels striking wood resounded in the small space, and it was only then when Lena realized where she was.

 

She was back in her old bedroom in the Luthor mansion. A suitcase was opened in the corner, clothes thrown hastily in there, her bed was a tangle of sheets, and the TV on the wall buzzed with static, the stark white of the empty screen filling the room with imposing light. Lillian’s face was shifting in the light, angles becoming more defined and then more obscure the next second. Her footsteps stopped and the older woman knelt down in front of Lena.

 

“You are an embarrassment. You do not deserve happiness. You deserve _nothing_. That _Kara_ girl is only pretending to be interested in you for your stature. And even if she does have any sort of feeling for you, well,” a venomous smirk broke on her mother’s features, “you’ll ruin that soon enough. Just like you always do. And always _will_.” The force with which Lillian spoke her words flung spit into the eyes of Lena. All she could do was flinch, as her arms felt like lead holding her up from falling to the ground. She shut her eyes tightly, willing herself away from such an awful place. A quiet tuttering from Lillian proved she hadn’t quite managed to leave, and Lena felt herself falling. Her heart plummeted to her stomach as the panic took over. _Why am I here? How did I get here?_ Lena felt herself slipping into a full on panic attack while her mother laughed, the maniacal noise filling the closing in space. It was becoming louder and louder until Lena had to pull her arms up to cover her ears, but there was no longer any support under her, and she fell forwards.

 

Instead of falling into the ground, Lena was tumbling farther and farther, not coming into contact with anything. Lena opened her eyes and was met with fierce nothingness. She was plummeting into nothing, the wind whipping past her and she opened her voice to scream. Nothing came out. She screamed till her throat felt torn to shreds, yet she heard no sound. She felt her body continue to fall deeper into the black nothingness, further and further, until she felt nothing at all…

 

* * *

 

Lena shot out of bed with a gasp. Her breaths were coming in shallow and quickly, and she felt herself beginning to hyperventilate. She clawed at the fabric on her body, the clothes feeling like they were tightening around her; squeezing her until she would pop. She barely even registered she was in a bed if it hadn’t been for the _creak_ she heard under her from her jerking movements. The darkness clouded her eyes as she blinked furiously, willing the spots in her vision to disappear from her sudden upright position. Lena’s heart was beating with enough force that it seemed as though it would tear right through her chest. Hair flew in her face and she swatted uselessly at it in feeble attempts, but the strands clung to her damp forehead, sweat glistening on the pale skin. Lena kicked herself from out under the covers, another layer that felt suffocating and restricting. Soon she was on the cold hardwoods, pacing back and forth.

 

Of course she had woken Kara, and the sleepy blonde lifted her head from where it had sunk in the plush pillow.

 

“Lena?” Kara murmured, sleep laced in her raspy, not-so-woken up voice. When the dark haired woman didn’t respond, Kara pushed herself up onto her arm.

 

“Lena,” she repeated, attempting to get the woman to stop for just a second. But the CEO was pacing back and forth hurriedly, chewing viciously on her manicured nails, gorgeous raven locks hanging in front of her face. Her normally light skin seemed sickly pale, and Kara was sure it wasn’t just due to the moonlight. Slowly, Kara got out of bed and quietly made her way over to Lena. She wasn’t sure what exactly to do; whether to grab her and stop, or try to get her to stop from just talking. After calling out to her a few more times, and seeing no change in the woman, Kara decided to gently grab the pale arms.

 

“Lena,” she said firmly, and the sight that looked up at her frightened Kara to no end. Lena’s usually bright and curious eyes were both glazed over and lit with anger and fear. Her skin dripped in sweat, the beads rolling down her face quickly. The hair stuck to her face in menacing patterns, and snot mixed with tears on her nose. At the touch, Lena jerked back, trying to pull herself out of Kara’s hold. The blonde wasn’t holding on very tightly, but let go at the reaction from the woman. The two stared at each other for what seemed like forever, until Lena’s raw voice spoke up.

 

“Out.”

 

“What? Lena you’re not-“

 

“I said get out!” The scream that ripped from her throat shook the still room. Lena whipped back around, resuming her pacing.

 

“Out, out, out,” she canted, finger’s returning to now chapped lips to be torn apart. Kara stood, dumbfounded; where was the smart, quick, _alive_ Lena? Kara had had her fair share of panic attacks, yes. But this seemed… _worse_ than that. And that left Kara feeling completely useless. She reached out once more when Lena moved her path back towards her, but Lena flinched back at the outstretched hand.

 

“Go,” Lena whispered, keeping her head to the ground. She couldn’t stand to look at Kara; perfect, sunny, Kara Danvers. In her blue pajamas, messy bed head, and fuzzy socks. She couldn’t ruin that. Ruin _her_. And she already was dammit; the longer Kara witnessed this, the worse she would fuck this up.

 

“Please?” The plea was so desperate, Kara ached from the pain it showed. She wanted to stay, to show she wasn’t going anywhere. That Lena could trust her. But Kara was at a loss, and rather than upset the woman more, Kara grabbed her things, threw on her coat to cover the pajamas, and left. The silence overwhelmed Lena, and she felt herself tumble down. This time, she came in contact with the ground, and she slunk into a fetal position. She clung to her now torn shirt, as sobs broke through her red and raw lips. They grew louder and louder, until she exhausted herself. Her eyelids drooped with fatigue, her face sticky and tight with dried tears and sweat. Closing her eyes, Lena felt sleep take over against the hard wood, emptiness filling her chest.

 

* * *

 

Kara stumbled through the city, managed to hail a cab and mumble her address. She robotically unlocked her apartment, fishing out her keys. Expecting to find an empty apartment, Kara was shocked to see her sister’s figure asleep on the couch in the dark. Trying to sneak as quietly to bed as possible, per usual, nothing got past Alex Danvers. The older woman popped up, hair askew from her uncomfortable position on the couch.

 

“Kara, where were you? I know, I know,” Alex shot up her hands in defeat, “you’re an adult woman, I’m not demanding you tell me. Just… you look awful.”

 

“Thanks,” Kara said flatly, not making eye contact with the red head in front of her.

 

“What happened?”

 

“Nothing,” Kara said after a moment, not wanting to really get into it right now.

 

“Well your face definitely doesn’t tell me that it’s ‘nothing,’” Alex commented, standing up and brushing away non-existent dust from her thighs. “Do you want to talk about it?”

 

Kara chewed on her lip, contemplating what to say. Of course she wanted to talk about it, get it off her chest, maybe get some advice. But this was _Lena_. And Alex _hated_ Lena. After a few more minutes, Kara took in a deep breath.

 

“It’s Lena-“

 

“I knew it, I knew she would do something-“

 

“Alex, stop!” Kara said at a higher than usual volume, but not quite a shout. “Lena didn’t _do_ anything. I just…. I really need a hug and for you to be comforting sister right now, not protective Alex, ok? I need you to just _listen_.” Alex looked at her younger sister, wide-eyed, until she finally heaved a large sigh.

 

“Ok, comforting sister. I can do that.” Alex sat back down on the couch and opened her arms. Kara’s shoulders relaxed, and she dropped her bags and various items that she had carried on the floor. As she shrugged off the coat, Alex raised an eyebrow at the pajamas underneath.

 

“Don’t-“ Kara began, putting out a warning finger and a tight lip.

 

“I won’t,” Alex lifted her hands in mock surrender again. “Now,” Alex said, once Kara was curled up in her arms. She rested her chin on the blonde head, and rubbed soothing circles down her back.

 

“What happened?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> baaaaaah im so sorry for the disappearance! finals, and then traveling to tennessee, then up to michigan, then back and all this going on it just ahhhhhh yesterday was the first day I hadn't had to do anything and so i started this chapter and just now finished it. i'll try to be more consistent, but i have to go to florida, and then georgia, and then back to school to work so i'm not sure if i'll find the time in between having to do that and try to socialize with family. 
> 
> i luh you all n wish y'all a happy summer and hmu @starryeyedhoe on tumblr if you wanna send me anything- doggo pics, prompts, you're OWN fics to read (@holyhellsanvers, I SWEAR i will read it, just haven't had ANY fic reading time :/), your favorite body part (pls no pictures) (or actual body parts), ANYTHING! i need to do something while ignoring my racist, homophobic, close-minded family! SAVE ME
> 
> bye loverlies
> 
> song rec-  
> the plural of moose is moose - national parks


	15. so why not see this through? (cause you're fast asleep and you choose to be)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Surprise!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahhhhh im sorry! I've had like five breakdowns bc I'm now working 18 hour days but getting paid for 8 hours and i have to sit in the blistering louisiana sun in a long sleeved oxford and it sucks i just needed to cry. but look, at least it didn't take a WHOLE month.
> 
>  
> 
> if you wanna yell at me, get in line. jk but for real, sorry this took so long.
> 
> chapter title-  
> aunt martha - neighbor   
> (i think)

The talk with Alex had seemed to clear up the swirling hurricane of thoughts in her head, yet it did little to ease the pang in her heart when she thought of the pain she had seen in Lena’s eyes. The fear. Lena was _scared_ of her. She wasn’t exactly sure what she had done, but Lena wouldn’t just act like that for no reason. Would she?

 

Just like that, Kara had managed to stir back up the torrent of circular thoughts she had thought she managed to cease. Curling herself back up, the blonde pulled the soft blanket up over her shoulders, careful to keep the blanket over her feet still.

 

“Cocoa?” Alex offered, the steaming cup held out in front of her. Kara just nodded, then pulled her hands out the grab the mug. The heat burned against her hand, but she elected to ignore it until it got to be too much, and she put the mug on the coffee table.

 

“Man, not even a sip of your cocoa. This really _must_ be serious.” Alex raised an eyebrow playfully, but was met with a stern glare from her younger sister. Alex lifted her hands in mock surrender, before taking a sip of her own covefefe.

 

“What did I do, Alex?” Kara said after a while. Alex heart broke as the sadness and desperation in her sister’s voice. Moving from her perch on the side arm, Alex fully sat on the couch next to her sister, placed the drink on the coffee table, and opened her arms up. Kara practically flopped into the embrace, and relaxed as she felt the red-head’s strong arms around her back. When she closed her eyes, she could feel the exhaustion tug at her, breaths steadying till she drifted off.

 

Alex stayed wide awake. While she was trying to show sympathy and feel for her sister, she felt rage begin to boil in the pit of her stomach, warming up to her chest. Once she could tell Kara would be out for a while, she pulled herself carefully out from her sister’s grip and left.

 

* * *

 

Lena had woken up a few hours ago. Her muscles ached from her nap on the hard floor, and she felt the beginnings of a tight spot in her neck. Rubbing the sore spot, she made her way over to cabinet and grabbed a glass. She poured out a big drink, then set the bottle down. Lena hesitated a moment while closing the cap, before deciding to just leave it open. The TV droned on mindlessly; one of those commercial programs full of random crap no one really needed. Lena changed it to some random movie after about thirty minutes, and was back in her zoning out state when a loud knock broke the stillness. Lena’s heart rate spiked, and she felt panic rise within her. She staggered over to the door, having had one or four too many, before she managed to open the door. As soon as it was unlocked, the door burst open, and Lena almost fell back.

 

“What the hell, Luthor?!” a fuzzy voice shouted at her. Lena blinked rapidly, trying to focus her swirling vision, before feeling hands grab tightly at her arms. This person was clearly shouting some unkind things at her, but her drunken and panicked state had blocked out the voice. After more blinking, she finally managed to make out the general form and figure of who was currently grabbing her.

 

_I know them, I know them_ , Lena thought, trying to deduce who the hell this was. Clearly she hadn’t just thought them, as the shaking and yelling ended and soon enough a softer, but not kind, tone came about.

 

“Oh God, Lena. You’re drunk,” the voice said, and soon enough, the full figure was finally visible, the alcohol no longer impairing her vision as much.

 

“M’ na drun’,” Lena replied, her tongue feeling slippery and numb in her mouth. _This damn mouth. I could make it stop if I bite it…_

 

“No biting your tongue, Lena,” Alex chided, fishing around in her fridge. Apparently she hadn’t said _that_ in her head either. “Here,” Alex said after a moment, “take this.” Lena stared at the offered object. It was clear and she could see Alex’s hand through it. _Why could she see Alex’s hand through it_ -

 

“Because it’s water Lena, just take it already!” Alex took Lena’s hand and placed the bottle of water in it. The cold shocked the darker haired woman, and with a shriek, the bottle fell to the floor.

 

“For fucks sake,” Alex trailed off, shaking her head as she picked up the drink. “Drink it, Lena,” and even despite her current state, the tone Alex used suggested this was a demand, not a request. Alex twisted off the lid and handed the bottle to the drunk woman. “Once you’re sobered up, we are going to have a discussion.” Lena tested that word out, _discussion_ , before giving up, the word too complicated for her drunken state.

 

After a while, Lena felt herself sobering. Alex got less and less blurry, and subsequently angrier and angrier. Lena avoided making any eye contact, feeling the worry and panic creep up her back, tingling and toying with her nerves. Alex’s steely gaze hardened, piercing through Lena.

 

“So, you gonna tell me why the fuck my sister just spent two hours crying her eyes out, and blaming you?” _She blames me. Fuck. I fucked it up again. Good fucking job, Lena, why the hell-_

 

“No, no, no. You are not gonna cry on me. You are going to buck up and tell me what the hell you did.” Lena hadn’t realized she started crying until Alex had pointed it out. She wiped at her face, fingers finding the tears that had spilled.

 

“What the hell happened?”

 

* * *

 

The sun broke through the thin curtains, shining on Kara’s puffy face. Blinking in the light, she looked around for her sister.

  
“Alex?” Kara called out, voice still croaky from sleep. Rubbing her eyes, she pulled away, looking at the black streaks on her hands. _Shit_. Stalking over to the bathroom, Kara was met with a frightening reflection. Her eyes were puffy, but now rimmed with the smudged remnants of her mascara and eyeliner. Her face was red and splotchy from the crying, and her hair stood straight up in some places. Sighing, she turned on the shower and waited for the water to heat up. Once it was adequate, Kara removed her clothes and stepped in to the water. The action as almost immediately relaxing, and she was able to forget about the world for a second. The water heated her skin as she soothed the sore muscles from her awkward sleeping position. She washed her face thoroughly, before going to work on her hair. Once that was down, she stayed in the shower for longer than necessary, mind wandering aimlessly to random thoughts and day dreams. Without realizing it, almost an hour had passed, and the water turned colder. Soon enough, Kara realized her shower length and hopped out. Drying off, she made sure to use the fluffiest towel Alex had, then wrapped it around herself, and stepped out.

 

Through the cloud of steam, Kara could blurrily see two figures in the living room. Kara swiped at the steam, trying to clear her vision. Soon enough, the two figures manifested themselves into two familiar faces, until finally she recognized who was standing there. Dark circles set under her green eyes, pale skin sallow, and raven hair pulled into a less than perfect bun, Lena was there. In the living room. Next to her sister. Looking decidedly hungover.

 

_And Kara was in a towel, dripping water on the floor_.

 

With a squeal and almost comical jump, Kara fled into Alex’s bedroom. Pulling on any clothes she could find, she stumbled her way back out, face red with embarrassment and Bare Naked Ladies shirt skewed on her shoulders.

 

_Fitting_ , Kara thought bitterly, straightening Alex’s shirt.

 

“Um, have a seat?” Alex, piped up, motioning to Lena to sit on the couch. The silence stretched through the room, as neither the blonde nor the brunette moved to take a seat.

 

“Okay then. Well, I’m gonna go bring Maggie some breakfast, you know cops and their donuts. So I’m just gonna-“ The door slammed heavily as Alex left, and without the red-head’s presence, the room filled with an even more awkward silence as the two avoided making eye contact.

 

“Well I suppose-“

 

“Lena are you hung over?” Lena paused as Kara interrupted. She blinked as she processed exactly what Kara had said, before her shoulders slouched and she dropped her head.

 

“Perhaps.” After a beat, Lena raised her head, eyebrow lifted but with less spirit than normal. “Are your shorts inside out?” Kara looked down at her legs and yes, her shorts were in fact inside out. The two finally made locked eyes and after a few seconds, they broke out in laughter. Once they had caught their breath, the two looked at each other again, heaving large and matching sighs.

 

They were gonna be alright.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry this is so short n shitty. I'm trying to find my groove again and i wrote that last part in a rush. gotta go hang at nola pride, so if any of ya are going, hmu here or @starryeyedhoe! byeeeeeee don't hatteeee meeeee
> 
>  
> 
> song rec-  
> short don't wait - great big world


	16. in your arms (i feel safe)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> On the mend

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> who the fuck am i? where am i? 
> 
> i'm soooooooooo sorry i like, abandoned this story. my b. please forgive me and take this garbage bc i've been gone too long from this story, so i'm trying to get back into this. (also this is really short and shitty plsss forgive me)
> 
> pls dont kill me k thx byeeeeeee
> 
> chapter title-  
> in your arms - chef'special

Two bodies sunk into the well-worn couch, the air around them filled with the unspoken words both were longing to say. Lena sat, hands in her lap with her fingers twirling around themselves madly. Kara constantly readjusted, somehow never managing to find a just right spot. The couch constantly squeaked with each of Kara’s movements, the irksome noise grating on Lena’s nerve- _and hangover_ \- until she couldn’t hold it in any longer.

 

“Kara!” Lena suddenly shouted out. Kara looked at the other woman, shock clear on her face, mix with some hurt, causing Lena to retract her reaction.

 

“I’m- I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to- the yelling was- the noise was just- and my _head_ -“ Lena was cut off by Kara grabbing her fidgeting hands, turning her to face her finally.

 

“It’s ok, Lena.” Her intense blue eyes locked on those pale green ones. “I forgive you.”

 

The meaning wasn’t lost on Lena, and she sunk into her friend’s warm embrace. The warmth from Kara spread through her colder body, until it finally reached her heart, the ice slowly beginning to melt.

 

“I hope you forgive me, too,” Kara breathed into the crown of her head, hand rubbing loving circles up and down her back. Somehow, that was the one that did her in. Soon enough, the tears were flowing freely down her sullen face, soaking the soft material of Kara’s shirt. She clutched harder, fists holding onto the shirt with more force.

 

Never in her life had anyone asked for Lena’s forgiveness. It was always her fault, somehow. She was always in the wrong. Kara- _perfect, wonderful, beautiful Kara_ \- was asking for _her_ forgiveness. And how could she not give it to her? Nodding fiercely was Lena’s only answer she could formulate, but she felt Kara’s hands move to cup her face, pulling it up towards hers till their eyes met again.

 

“Please. I don’t want you to forgive me, just because. I’m so sorry.”

 

“You didn’t do anything,” Lena hiccupped. “It was me. All me. _Fucked up me._ ”

 

“No, Lena. You couldn’t possibly. I pushed too far, I went too fast, I didn’t listen to you immediately when you told me to go. It’s my fault, and I’m so sorry. I don’t think you’ll ever be able to forgive what I did.”

 

“Kara no- I was rude, and you were trying to help and I- I’m sorry I couldn’t see that. It was just…” Lena trailed off, not sure whether or not to continue.

 

“You don’t have to tell me,” Kara responded, almost as if she could read Lena’s mind. “You don’t have to do anything you don’t want to.”

 

The eye contact became too much for Lena, so she averted her eyes and looked down at Kara’s collarbone. Kara’s solid, steady, _chiseled, defined_ -

 

“Do you just wanna sit here? We don’t have to say anything. We can order some food, watch some TV, anything.” Kara’s interruption broke Lena from her less than PG thoughts, and back to reality.

 

“I’m good with that,” Lena replied weakly. “Whatever you want, I’m not too hungry.”

 

“But you could probably do well to eat. Food is gonna help clear up that hang over,” Kara said with slight amusement, not wanting to offend Lena but also wanting to let her know she wasn’t judging her and to try and bring some humor to the situation. Lena smiled, then buried herself in Kara’s neck. It probably wasn’t the most platonic move, but it was what she needed. To be as close to Kara as possible. After a few moments, Kara broke the silence.

 

“As much as I don’t want to move you, and trust me, that’s a lot, if we don’t now, my stomach will certainly disturb us.”

 

“Oh, yeah, yeah, of course.” Lena pulled herself up weakly to let Kara reach for her phone. Without even hesitating, Kara punched in the numbers she needed.

 

“Hello? Hi, yes this is Kara-“ she paused, clearly listening to someone on the other end. “15? Perfect. Yeah, cash is fine. Sounds good! Thank you so much!” Kara hung up, and stood up, gathering a few things- plush blankets, some water, and a few junkier snacks- then plopped them down on the coffee table.

 

“Alright! So, food is on the way- they know my order- we’ve got the standard comfort items, too. Blankets, water, Alex has some sodas, but not that many, chocolate, Red Vines, chips… anything else?” All Lena could do was shake her head dumbly, the sudden presence of _everything_ was becoming a bit overwhelming, but she knew Kara was coming from a place of lo- _concern._ A place of _concern. Nothing else._ Kara searched for the remote, finally finding it and turning the TV on. She navigated expertly to Netflix, suggesting she’s been at Alex’s and used her TV quite a few times.

 

“Any suggestions?” Kara asked, but Lena only shrugged.

 

“Not really. I’m not the biggest movie-TV buff, so I’m a tad clueless when it comes to this sort of thing.”

 

“What a good suggestion!”

 

“Excuse me?”

 

“Clueless! We can watch that! Well, actually, I’m not really feeling that one. What about…”

 

And so the conversation moved on much the same: Kara shouting out ideas before quickly dismissing them herself. There was a brief break when the food- potstickers, predictably- arrived and needed to be paid for, but before the food got cold, Lena and Kara, but mostly Kara, had finally settled.

 

* * *

 

Lena had fallen asleep halfway through, clearly exhausted from the emotional highs from the past few days. Kara was playing with her hair absentmindedly; fingers combing through dark locks until they met knots, then gently detangling anything. One movie had become two, and by the time the third movie had started, Lena finally woke.

 

“Hey sleepy head,” Kara said quietly, a fond smile on her features. Lena blinked wearily in the darkness of the apartment.

 

“What time is it?” Lena’s voice was thick and eyes heavy with sleep, so she was surprised that Kara had understood her.

 

“It’s-“ Kara paused to reach over and check her phone, “a little after 6. Is that ok? You’re not missing anything, are you?” Lena shook her head no. She was probably missing some board meeting, but right now that wasn’t exactly on her radar.

 

“Ok. Do you want to keep watching?”

 

“What are we watching?”

 

“Um…” Kara hit pause. “ _Bridget Jones’ Diary_ ”. It’s very… interesting. I’ve never seen it before, so I thought, ‘what the heck!’. But I don’t think it’s for me, I mean, it’s a little weird. I’m gonna keep watching because, we’ll, _dedication_ , but it’s going to be like pulling teeth.”

 

Lena was entranced just watching Kara ramble on about movies and having to watch them through because _you can’t just abandon a movie, you’ll never know how it ends and someone made that movie! They at least tried, so I can manage to finish watching it because that’s what a respectable movie watcher does_. So Lena sat, like a respectable movie watcher, and winced her way through this movie with the excitable blonde next to her. The credits finally rolled, and Lena felt herself let out a breath she didn’t know she was holding.

 

“That was-“

 

“Yeah.”

 

“How about I pick, this time?” Lena asked, and Kara handed her the remote, hands up in defeat.

 

“I will admit, my last pick wasn’t the strongest, but I hope this doesn’t mean my remote privileges are revoked for life.”

 

“We’ll see,” Lena remarked, a mischievous glint in her eye. Kara’s jaw dropped, clearly offended.

 

“How dare you? You come into _my_ house, eat _my_ food, break _my_ bread-“ Kara was cut off with a flying pillow to the face, effectively silencing her rant.

 

“Now, let’s see what _good_ movies are actually on here…”

 

* * *

 

 

The clock showed 12:30 AM when Alex opened her door. She wasn’t sure what she was expecting, but she was pretty certain this wasn’t it. Lena was snuggled into Kara’s front, with the blonde’s long arms wrapped around her. Her blanket was draped around them loosely, clearly having been jostled from sleep. The TV was on the “Are you still watching screen?” so Alex hit “No” and turned it off. She maneuvered around the strewn pillows, clearly thrown in some sort of altercation, and made her way to the couch. She pulled the blanket back up around the two, and brushed some hair out of her sister’s face. Alex placed a gentle kiss on her forehead, then proceeded to her own room, closing the door quietly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> again just really sorry. i still do really wanna branch out and do more one shots, but i will try not to leave this again as long as i have. in other news, sophomore year started and i want to cry. y'all thought i complained too much about spanish last year????
> 
>  
> 
> honey you've got a big storm coming.
> 
> as always, hmm @starryeyedhoe on tumblr bc i'm stuck at work for like another hour and would love some company/entertainment. 
> 
> song rec-  
> two high - moon taxi


	17. i'll bury your memories in the garden (and watch them grow with the flowers in spring)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Second chances and cherry Danishes

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi ok sorry here take this wow its been literally months pls forgive me!
> 
> here's a domestic abuse trigger warning, I put ** before and after the part, so don't worry if you can't read it!
> 
> pls forgive me im sorry
> 
> chapter title-  
> cigarettes & saints - the wonder years

Light filtered in the through the windows, the warmth falling on Lena’s face. It wasn’t the light that woke her up, but rather the smell of freshly brewed coffee that wafted through. Fighting her body’s attempt to wake up, Lena screwed her eyes shut and tried to relax her breathing back to a steady rhythm. The warmth radiating off the body next to her helped lull her back, her nose snuggling further into the blonde’s neck. But, even Lena wasn’t strong enough to ward off coffee, and soon enough she opened her eyes again and sat up, back aching from sleeping on the floor. The sleepy body next to her blindly reaching out, making contact with her wrist, face scrunching with discontent at Lena’s movements. It was all Lena could do to fight the smile making its way onto her face; a battle she swiftly lost as she bent down to kiss the crinkle in between two blonde furrowed brows.

 

“Oh shit, I’m sorry,” Alex whispered, seeing Lena awake. “I thought I was being quiet. I guess not.”

 

“It’s fine,” Lena squeaked out, voice raw and weak from just waking up. “I wouldn’t mind a cup, if it’s alright.”

 

“Of course,” Alex stepped to grab a mug from a cabinet. “How do you take it?”

 

“Black’s fine, thanks.”

 

The liquid gold poured from the pot and into the mug, steam floating up and rolling away into the morning sun. Lena’s mouth watered with anticipation as Alex brought over the drink.

 

“Careful, it’s hot,” the red-head warned before handing over the cup. Lena held it with two hands, as if it was the most precious thing she had ever touched before. Taking a long sip, she felt the warm liquid rush through her, filling her down to her toes. A sigh fell from her lips before she could stop it.

 

“This is great,” she croaked, and even the small amount of coffee had perked her up immensely, the color returning to her cheeks and bags under her eyes lifting slightly.

 

“Well thank you,” Alex smiled lightly back, sitting in the armchair next to Kara’s sleeping form on the floor. After a moment, she spoke again.

 

“I just wanted to say I’m sorry. For misjudging you, for essentially attacking you yesterday. I just-“ Alex shook her head, her red locks falling in front of her face as her head stilled, eyes lingering of the blonde. “She’s so _good_. And after Mike, I felt so guilty. Like it was my fault because I couldn’t see what he was doing to her. And you show up and-“ Alex chuckled lightly, “I act light a complete _asshole_. I was acting like him, someone that I swore I would never let her be hurt by again. And here I am, hurting her. She told me what happened, the other night I mean, and I should never have assumed it was you trying to hurt her. I shouldn’t have tried to stop her from seeing you, because that’s exactly what he would’ve done and I can’t-“ Alex had to stop, too choked up as tears ran down her cheeks.

 

“I hope you can forgive me, Lena, but I completely understand if you don’t. I was out of line, rude, almost abusive…” Alex looked up, her dark brown eyes wet with tears. “I’m sorry.”

 

“It’s alright. I know what you must’ve thought, hearing my name. I know what my brother has done, and it’s the most awful thing anyone could ever imagine. And well, apples can’t fall too far, right?”

 

“I should have given you a fair shot. I work with Maggie, which I’m sure Kara has already told you,” Lena nodded, “and to think I could’ve judged you so quickly, it just got me thinking about who I’ve locked up, who I’ve arrested, and whether or not I gave them a fair chance-“

 

“You’re a good cop,” Lena interrupted, trying to stop Alex’s dark path of thinking. “It’s different. This is Kara. And I know that if anyone tried to hurt her… well I’d…” Lena stopped, not wanting to think about what could possibly even happen.

 

“I know,” Alex smiled lightly, then took a sip of her coffee. “I hope we can start over. I’d really like to take you and Kara out to lunch sometime, with Maggie, maybe? You don’t have to decide now, I know she’s sleeping, but think about it, yeah?” Lena nodded, drinking her own coffee.

 

“Well, I’ll leave you alone now. There’s some bagels and cream cheese, Maggie might swing by with donuts. Do you need anything? I can ask Maggie to pick it up on the way over.”

 

“Not at the moment, thank you though.” Alex just nodded, downed the last of her mug as she stood, and headed towards the sink. Lena sipped at her own as Alex slipped in her room. Before the door shut, however, she called out quietly.

 

“On second thought, Alex,” the red head paused in the door, “could Maggie grab some cherry Danishes from Noonan’s?” Alex’s smile was the only answer she needed, but she still responded.

 

“Sure thing.”

 

* * *

 

Lena relaxed back into the pile of blankets and pillows, closing her eyes as she snuggled back into the radiator of a person next to her.

 

“How much did you hear?” Lena whispered. A long pause stretched out as the birds chirped outside.

 

“All of it,” the blonde responded, and Lena could hear her heart beat faster through her chest.

 

“Are you ok?”

 

“I’m glad she apologized. That was a long time coming but…” Kara had turned to face Lena, the two opening their eyes, only inches apart.

 

“…but?”

 

“The whole Mike thing. I mean, yeah, she’s protective, but she’s nothing like him. I don’t want her to feel guilty about something she didn’t do, you know?” Lena shrugged in response, eyes flitting down to their hands, fingers dancing together before intertwining. Her eyes drifted back to Kara’s face, taking it all in. The blue of her eyes, the perfect shape of her nose, the small scar that rested near her eyebrow. Her free hand wandered up towards Kara’s face, thumb stroking lightly on the blemish. Kara’s eyes fluttered closed at the touch, her body shivering.

 

“What happened?” Lena had whispered so quietly she wasn’t entirely sure she had even asked out loud at all. Kara’s hand that wasn’t currently occupied took Lena’s, twisting carefully so she could kiss the back side of it.

 

**

“Mike. Mike happened.” She whispered after a long time. “He was… nice. I didn’t see it at first. Honestly, I thought he was an ass. Always rude to people, never apologized for anything, blamed others-“ Kara rolled her eyes. “He said I was changing him. Helping him. He grew up in foster care, felt the world owed him something. Until he met me. Apparently, I saved him,” Kara paused, biting her lip. “Or so he would say, at least. He used me, got to all my friends, showed how _much_ I was helping him. He was so nice to everyone now. Could charm the pants off anyone. And everyone thought we were great together.”

 

Kara drifted off, eyes losing focus. Lena squeezed her hand lightly, reassuring her that she was there.

 

“But he never left me alone,” she continued. “I couldn’t live on my own, couldn’t go out. Oh god forbid I went out with Alex. I couldn’t talk to any men, especially not James. We lost touch for the whole rest of the relationship, me and James. He would come to game nights, sure, but I could only talk to him if Mike was right next to me. I stopped calling my mom, stopped going to the dog park. I lost interest in everything. He wouldn’t _let_ me have interest in anything. I would go to work, get home with enough time to make sure everything was ready for him. And one night he- he-“

 

“It’s ok, Kara,” Lena spoke for the first time, rubbing soothing circles on Kara’s hand with her thumb.

 

“He got so _mad_ ,” the tears fell freely, staining the pillow beneath her. Lena scooted forward, cautiously beginning to hold Kara, still a question _is this ok?_ , before the blonde gave her the go ahead with a nod.

 

“He started throwing things, destroying my apartment. He didn’t hurt anything that was his, no of course not,” she cried into Lena’s chest. “He-he threw my p-pictures, and my stuff from my birth parents, all that I had left,” Kara could barely keep speaking, sobs wracked her body, Lena holding on, trying not to be too tight but enough to feel how deeply she was crying.

 

“It’s ok, it’s ok, shhh,” Lena tried to soothe, stroking that impossibly soft hair, brighter than the sun, richer than any gold. Fists clenched in her shirt, holding on as tears soaked the fabric. “You’re safe. You’re here. You’re going to be ok.” After a bit, Kara calmed down. Her breathing steadied a bit, the tears still falling, but with less frequency.

 

“I told him to get out,” she finally continued, quietly. “He didn’t like that. Said I was nothing without him. He shoved me, and my head just barely missed the corner of the coffee table. Well, just enough that it hit me there. And I started bleeding and crying and he wanted me to stop and I just couldn’t. Finally, he stormed off, claimed he was going for a walk. I crawled to my phone, called Alex, and bolted the door.”

 

“Did you press charges?” Kara vigorously shook her head no, and Lena wasn’t going to push a subject she was sure someone had before, not now.

 

“Well you’re safe now, I promise.” Kara pressed in tighter, as if she was trying to meld into Lena.

**

 

After a while, the doorbell rang, and Alex left her room to go and answer it.

 

“It’s Maggie,” she announced after looking in the peephole, then swung the door open. Kara and Lena separated a bit, sitting up, but still shoulder to shoulder.

 

“Hey guys,” Maggie smiled, carrying both donuts and a box from Noonan’s. “Cherry Danish, anyone?”

 

Kara looked over at Lena, eyes wide, while the brunette’s pale face turned a bright red. She connected the dots while looking at Maggie and her sister’s knowing smiles. Her disbelief turned into delight as she quickly pecked Lena’s cheek, then shot up to be the first to get one of the delicious pastries.

 

“Best. Day. Ever!”

 

“Kara, you get one of those almost every day,” Alex responded, but was met with a cutting glare from the blonde, who then took an aggressive bit from her Danish.

 

“Mmm!”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi so i've learned that im never gonna make any promises any more bc im really bad at keeping them. i will TRY to keep updating, but i'm not sure if i'll get back to a regular schedule or anything bc life keeps getting crazier and crazier. 
> 
> for now, i hope you enjoyed this, and the bit of angst/backstory that we needed.
> 
> shout out to Emma on here that really encouraged me to keep going. honestly, comments really lift my spirits and i know some of the reasons i stopped writing this was bc i felt like the comments just kept getting negative. they probably weren't im just sensitive. that doesn't mean i don't take criticism or anything, pls give me tips and tricks and suggestions, but just remember that there's a v real, v fragile person here, and if you have any issues with the story, respectfully message me or just stop reading. im all-out improving my writing and creating in depth stories, but i can't do that if i feel like theres no point if everyone hates me lolol
> 
> that being said, my tumblr is @starryeyedhoe and through that you can access my patreon! so if you wanna help feed a starving college girl, hit that up, and just come and say hi! im v lonely!!!
> 
> song rec-  
> wide eyed - cold weather company


	18. what makes me forget the fallout (what makes me remember colors of your love)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Farmer's Market Day!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hullo!  
> so I wrote this over the span of like 5 days bc lol classes kept getting cancelled. for "snow." (being from Colorado, the "snow" here was definitely not enough to warrant a cancellation but oh well)
> 
> so instead of doing the homework to stay on top of things, i got drunk Wednesday, got drunk Thursday, went out Friday (sober), and went out last night (v v V DRUNK). and also decided to write some of this. i didn't write any of this drunk so, any mistakes are mine and not drunk me. 
> 
> hope y'all enjoy! 
> 
> chapter title-  
> colors - honest men

It had been a week since Lena and Kara had reconciled, and they fell back into their routine as if it had never been interrupted. Lena would text or snap Kara between meetings, and Kara would swing by with lunch, sometimes the only meal Lena would eat that day if they failed to meet back up for dinner. On Friday, they decided to end the week, after Kara basically had to drag Lena out of her office, with a movie. While snuggled up on Lena’s couch, blanket draped over them, and an empty pizza box on the table, warmth filled Lena’s chest. Everything just felt _right_.

 

“Hey babe,” the pet name rolled off of Kara’s tongue easily, “I was wondering…. Um there a farmer’s market tomorrow morning, and I know you’re like super busy, so if you can’t do it that’s ok, but my _favorite_ beekeeper is going to have a stand and they usually have really good lemonade – but work is also really important so if you don’t want to that’s ok too, I just – “

 

“Kara,” Lena laughed lightly, cutting off the blonde’s rambling. “I would really like to _not_ do work tomorrow, and a farmer’s market sounds like a great idea.”

 

“Really?!” Kara shouted, shooting up from her lounged position on Lena’s chest and turning to face the brunette she was just using as a pillow.

 

“Yes, of course,” Lena was still laughing, eyes crinkling from the smile that was almost beginning to hurt her cheeks.

 

“Why are you laughing?” Kara narrowed her eyes, arms crossing her chest in a slight pout. Lena sat up, arms wrapping around the blonde’s middle.

 

“Not really sure, you’re just cute,” her lips pressing to Kara’s temple in a light kiss. Kara wanted to keep up her pout, but Lena’s delicate kisses to her temples and the back of her neck melted any resolve. Soon enough, Lena had drifted towards the side of her neck, kisses becoming a bit more fervent, a trail of light pink marks in her wake, none strong enough to last to the next day.

 

“Are you trying to seduce me, Ms. Luthor?” Kara sighed, caught up in the brunette wrapped around her.

 

“Maybe,” Kara could feel the devilish smirk against her sensitive skin. Kara turned around in Lena’s arms, lips crashing together. The heated kiss went on, until a loud _buzzing_ from the coffee table disturbed them.

 

“Ignore it?” Lena asked, trying her best to replicate Kara’s puppy dog eyes. The blonde just laughed, then reached for the phone, shaking her head.

 

“It’s Alex. She knew I was seeing you tonight so I doubt she would interrupt unless it was important.” Standing up, Kara felt the immediate loss of warmth, Lena’s hand lightly tugging on her wrist, urging her back. Kara laughed lightly, but still answered the phone, Lena’s hand slipping away.

 

“Hey, what’s up?”

 

“Hey, so I know I’m disturbing you right now, and this probably isn’t as important as it should be to warrant an interruption,” Kara pouted a little, looking back at Lena. The CEO had turned around, arms resting on the back of the couch, a small smile on her face. “But, I had promised Lena that I would take y’all out. With Maggie. Like a double date, or something.”  
  
“Or something, huh?” Kara teased, tongue poking out slightly with her slightly.

 

“Yeah, something,” Alex replied, and Kara could practically hear the eye roll. “Anyway, Maggie and I managed to get tomorrow off, so I was wondering if that was ok with both of you.”

 

“Yeah, let me ask.” Kara lowered the phone. “Alex wants to be cheesy and go on a double date tomorrow. Are you good with that?”

 

“What about the market?”

 

“Oh shoot. Well… what if we meet up with them after? It closes at 12, and we can meet up with them for lunch! Oh! That reminds me, there’s actually a great little bistro just a few blocks away from it, and they have the best – “

 

“Kara!” The blonde heard from both the phone and the woman in front of her.

 

“Oh! Right, sorry,” she winced, bringing the phone back up to her ear. “We should be good at like 12:30. I’ll text you the address, yeah?”

 

“Sounds good. I’ll let you get back to whatever you guys were just up to.”

 

“We weren’t up to – “

 

“I would believe that if you hadn’t just answered the phone like you were just running a marathon. But I would really rather _not_ think about what you guys were just doing. See you tomorrow!” Kara was about to try and defend herself, but the line went dead as her sister hung up.

 

“Oops,” Kara cringed, blush heating her face almost instantly, as Lena’s laughter rang through the apartment.

 

* * *

 

Kara made her wake up at _seven_. In the _morning_. Her protests of “it’s a Saturday” and “how are you already dressed it’s a _Saturday_ ” were promptly ignored as Kara’ practically dragged her out of her bed. Her warm, comfortable, _nice_ bed.

 

“The best stuff is out early!” The blonde argued, “and my honey person always runs out so fast because it’s so _good_!”

 

“I swear if this honey doesn’t live up to this hype – “

 

“It will! I promise!”

 

Finally, Lena conceded, pulling on the best outfit she could in her current state of mind, too fuzzy from sleep. By the time they made their way out of the apartment, the sun had already risen above the horizon.

 

“Please tell me we’re going to stop for coffee at some point today, I’m begging.”

 

“There’s a few stalls at the market I’m sure,” Kara turned to see Lena pout, so she wound her arm through the sulking brunette’s.

 

“Thank you for coming with me,” the blonde smiled, kissing the other woman lightly on the cheek. That seemed to bring some sort of brightness to the tired woman’s face, and she leaned in closer to Kara’s side in content.

 

* * *

 

The market had just opened by the time they had made their way there. Kara had insisted on walking, despite Lena’s insistence that _they weren’t_ _on Kara’s side of the city so it’s going to be a longer walk so let’s just take a cab it’s going to take like 35 minutes to get there_.

 

Kara began to lead the way, taking tight hold of Lena’s hand. She made a beeline for the honey stall, dragging the woman along with her.

 

“We’ll wander later, right now, I need my fix!” she threw back behind her, and Lena just let her take the wheel on this one. In a few moments, Kara practically skidded to a stop, right in front of the stall. The table that was laid out was covered in a clean white table cloth, ends crisp and just grazing the pavement. Jars and jars of honey were lined up, with small labels in front of them, letting buyers know which was which, some flavored, some with chunks of honeycomb incased in them. A simple sign hung off the tent that covered the set-up, fancy calligraphy noting that this was indeed “L&C’s Honey – Farm Fresh and Cruelty Free”. Small painted bees buzzed about on the sign, with “save the bees!” written underneath the slogan. Lena was busy perusing the selection, when she noticed that Kara had piled a variety of jars in her arms. The blonde was talking animatedly with the darker haired woman behind the counter. Her hair wasn’t anywhere close to being as dark as Lena’s, clearly the brown hair had been lightened from the sun, but her hair was a mop of wild curls, and her face had a light dusting of freckles. Once her items were rung up, another woman bagged the honey for Kara, smiling pleasantly. Kara wished the two “good luck” for the day and sauntered back over to Lena who was waiting patiently to the side. She then offered Lena her hand, tote bag hanging from her elbow.

 

“You seem to be quite friendly with them, hmm?”

 

“Oh yeah! I’m their best customer! Practically every week, and always one of each! Well, almost.”

 

“Oh? Do tell,” Lena raised her brow.

 

“I don’t particularly like the jalapeño honey, to me the flavors just don’t mesh. And some of their seasonal flavors are a hit or miss. But the two beekeepers are so sweet, so sometimes I buy them if they’ve been having an off day.”

 

Suddenly, a delicious smell wafted towards Lena’s nose, and something kick-started in her brain. Like a dog on the hunt, Lena’s nose was practically in the air, her grip on Kara’s hand tight as she commanded her way through the stalls. Finally, Lena found her prize and pounced.

 

“Coffee!” The bitter yet appealing smell of the roast floated towards her, getting stronger as she approached. Lena could hear Kara’s amused “oh my god” faintly, but the smell stull managed to draw her in, filling her nostrils with the smell of what Lena liked to imagine was heaven. The brunette finally got her wits about her and ordered. It was just a black coffee, and Lena was pulling out her wallet for the cash when a blonde flash swooped in, payment at the ready.

 

“My treat,” she winked, Lena’s hand still in her opened wallet. “Since I made you wake up so early and everything.” Lena got her coffee, still in shock at the speed of the other woman. Taking a few sips, she felt that tell-tale warmth fill her, but this time it was different. It was _the best coffee_ she had _ever_ had, and she was unable to control the soft moan that slipped through her lips. Kara’s eyes bugged comically at the noise, and she looked at her with what Lena could only assume was concern.

 

“It’s really, really good.”

 

“That’s good,” Kara squeaked, then coughed, as if trying to get something out of her throat. “I’m glad.” Lena raised her eyebrow at that, but shrugged it off as she took Kara’s arm once more.

 

“Anything else you’d like to see?”

 

* * *

 

In fact, there was _a lot_ of things Kara still wanted to see. A local chocolatier had set up shop, and Kara bought as many truffles as possible, as well as some chocolate covered almonds that she would pop in her mouth every so often, always offering Lena one when she did. Lena had managed to find some nice pieces for her office and apartment, the latter still fairly scare for its impending size. Unable to carry those, however, Lena had made a few deals to have them delivered to her

 

The sun rose steadily throughout their time there, the pleasant warmth shining on them as it got closer and closer to noon. Lena looked over at her companion every once in a while, _ok maybe all the time_ , and watched how she practically _soaked_ up the sun, eyes closing whenever a pleasant breeze rolled through. Every now and then, when stopped at a stall, Lena would close her eyes, smelling the variety of scents the floated in the air, mingling in perfect harmony, and the idyllic sounds of leaves rustling in the wind mixing with children’s laughter and the chatter of the market helped put her at ease. Despite the large crowds and heat, Lena hadn’t felt this at piece in a very long time. Hands intertwined with the woman next to her, everything just felt _right_ , like nothing could ruin this day.

 

“It’s 12:00, babe,” Kara said, breaking her out of her reverie.

 

“Oh, yeah, that’s right. Well, that’s good, because I’m starved,” Lena chuckled lightly.

 

“Wait really? Oh my gosh, I _knew_ I should’ve bought you those donuts. ‘Never take no for an answer,’ I like to say – well when it comes to foo, I mean. No is very important for other things, like consent but – oh jeez, that should apply to food, too – I mean who are we that if in some contexts we accept no but in others we don’t – oh my gosh, I’m so sorry – “

 

“Kara!” Lena laughed loudly, tugging on the blonde’s hand, pulling her back around. Her hand slipped out of Kara’s, both coming to rest on the woman’s cheeks, and Kara’s hands automatically finding their place on her waist.

 

“It’s ok. I promise. Thank you for offering to buy so many things today, you’re the sweetest.” Lena couldn’t help herself. She leaned in and delicately kissed her nose. “I was saving room so I can fully enjoy all the food this restaurant has to offer, seeing as it’s one of your favorites, ok?”

 

Kara blushed deeply, pulling one of her hands away so she could push up her glasses that were slipping off the bridge of her nose, before it went right back to its place. Kara kissed her gently, a soft reminder of how _much_ she liked the Lena, then leaned back, hands moving up Lena’s sides before grabbing the hands that were on her face. She laced their fingers together, giving the back of Lena’s hands a kiss each. The action created a smile that made Lena’s face hurt, head thrown back, laughing.

 

“Shall we get going?” Lena smiled, brow raised.

 

“I suppose,” Kara fake pouted, leaning in for one last kiss.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy gays!   
> so i mapped out how i want this story to end. we are hitting the final arc now, so things are gonna sort escalating and wrapping up, so i hope y'all will enjoy these next chapters till the end.
> 
> thank you all for your support and kind words. it really means a lot to me to see comments and such.
> 
> pls pls pls talk to me @starryeyedhoe - story ideas, comments on my stories, what you ate for lunch today, anything! i'd love to hear!
> 
> welp, gotta go grocery shopping
> 
> song rec-  
> introvert - the ludwigs


	19. atlas folds at the thought (of what he's just learned)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A Pleasant Lunch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so so so so so so so sorry for how long this has taken, there has been so much happening!
> 
> pls enjoy this jumbled mess and all its mistakes
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title -
> 
> atlas by coin

The two made their way to lunch with little incident, only a brief halt when Kara just _needed_ to pet a huge, white, fluffy dog. The image of Kara surrounded by white fluff, laughing and smile so brightly warmed Lena’s chest and she started to picture their own future with their own white fluffy dog, even though Lena always had a preference for cats.

 

After she and the owner were able to separate the new best friends, Lena practically dragged Kara away, until finally the blonde continued to direct them towards their destination. It was a brightly colored bistro wrapped around the end of the block, surrounded by the grey and cement of the city, the railing adorning it delicate and twisting, reminiscent of the restaurants in Paris Lena had visited more times than she could count. Across the entrance the name of the place, _The Rabbit Hole_ , shone across, the marquee lights dim in the afternoon light. The pair walked in, looking around for their friends.

 

“Danvers?” The hostess asked, looking at the lost couple.

 

“That’s me!” Kara smiled, chipper as usual.

 

“Right this way. Your companions arrived a few minutes ago, and they’re right outside on the patio.” The smile the woman was giving Kara upset something in Lena that she couldn’t quite place. She was just _too_ friendly for Lena’s liking, her hand brushing Kara’s upper arms while directing them to their seats.

 

“Hey guys!” Kara waved as they neared the other couple. Once they arrived a few seconds later, Kara pulled out the chair for Lena motioning for her to take a seat. Lena smiled and blushed, sitting down quickly, but the light kiss on top of her head she received made her feel lighter.

 

“Thank you so much,” the blonde said to the hostess, who seemed to pale a bit at Kara and Lena’s interactions.

 

“No problem,” the woman smiled tightly, looking as if she was wishing she had some sort of laser vision to zap Lena away.

 

“Was it just me or was that lady total giving Lena the stink eye?” Maggie asked, leaning in as soon as Kara took her own seat.

 

“What do you mean?”

 

“She means that the hostess was trying to feel up your arms since we stepped foot in here and as soon as she saw you were taken, it was like she was planning on taking me out,” Lena responded curtly, eyes peering at the menu in her hands.

 

“Is someone jealous?” Alex teased, taking a sip of her water.

 

“No!” Lena shot out, before taking a second and sheepishly responding, “... ok maybe I am.”

 

“Oh babe!” Kara laughed lightly, arm coming to rest on Lena’s shoulders. “No one is better than you,” she said as she kissed Lena lightly on the cheek, and it took everything in her to not blush on contact.

 

“Were we ever this gross?” Alex commented, prompting a happy chuckle from Maggie.

 

“Probably. It’s that honeymoon glow, and now we’re just bitter old ladies, wasting away and resenting the youth.”

 

“Fair enough,” Alex shrugged, linking her hand with Maggie’s and bringing it up for a quick peck.

 

“Okay, okay. Enough with this mushy stuff,” Kara declared, grabbing her menu and opening it. “It’s time for the important stuff – food.”

 

* * *

 

If there’s something Lena knows she can always trust Kara’s opinion on, it’s food. If there’s anything edible within a hundred-mile radius, chances are Kara’s already tried it and has lengthy recommendations. So of course, the food was to die for, everyone at the table content with their choice and extremely full. It wouldn’t be a dining experience with Kara without dessert, so the half-demolished cake sat in the center of the table, surrounded by Alex, whose eyes drooped with fatigue from food, Maggie talking with Kara, who’s hand was intertwined with Lena’s, playing with her fingers lightly. Lena was sipping at the remnants of her wine, taking in the late afternoon sun, feeling the heat on her face from both the sun and the wine, lulling her to contentment. It was picturesque, almost, the feeling of companionship and love almost palpable in the air around them, a spell being cast.

 

But, like most fairytales, the spell had to be broken. The news was always an interesting dynamic to the new couple. For Kara, it was her job, what she wished to pursue once she was able to step out of the shadow of “Ms. Grant’s Assistant.” For Lena, it was the bane of her existence, following her wherever she was and reporting all aspects of her life – it was something to control and use to an advantage to fix an image. So, it was only fitting that the news would deliver the worse news Lena could hear that day.

 

She didn’t even hear it at first, the sounds of the city and those around her, the gentle timber of Kara’s voice discussing whatever soothing her. The high pitch of the reporter’s voice broke through her dream-like state with dreaded words: “Lillian Luthor is scheduled to arrive in National City later this evening.”

 

Lena sat straight up, a cold sweat almost breaking out on her paling skin.

 

“Lena?” Kara asked, concern filling her voice. “Are you alright?”

 

_Her mo- her mother_ _– she was, was going to be here. Tonight. No, no, no, no, no_ _–_

“Lena, hey, Lena, what’s the matter?” Kara’s soft voice was trying to fight its way through Lena’s clouding mind.

 

“My mother-“ was all she could get out before the panicked settled in.

 

“I’m gonna take her to the restroom,” Kara told Alex and Maggie quickly. “Ask for the bill, my wallet’s in my purse.” The blonde didn’t wait for an answer as she helped Lena to her feet and led her to the bathroom. Lena was following along blindly, hand clasped tightly around the other woman’s. Kara chose the family restroom for privacy and locked the door behind them.

 

“Hey, you’re alright. It’s gonna be ok. Do you need anything?” Kara spoke calmly, trying to look into Lena’s darting eyes. The brunette was finding it hard to focus on anything, her skin crawling at the idea of her mother, that _woman_ , _finding her way here, to Kara, and hurting her, she couldn’t, she wouldn’t –_

“Can you do the sensory thing? Can you tell me five things you can see?” Lena just shook her head no, eyes screwing shut tight. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her, nails digging into her upper arms.

 

“Can I touch you?” Kara asked lightly. Lena shook her head yes quickly, and Kara lightly began to pry Lena’s arms from around herself and began to rub up and down her arms, ducking her head to try desperately to get Lena to look at her. Finally, those pale green eyes anchored to the bright blue, but instead of reminding Kara of a spring meadow, the green seemed paler than usual, lost and desperate.

 

“It’s gonna be okay, I promise. I’m gonna make sure you don’t have to see her. We got two cops on our side, remember?” Kara tried a weak smile. “She can’t hurt you again. You’re in charge, not her. You’re the one doing good. You’re too good for her.” Kara began to worry what she was saying was falling on deaf ears as Lena’s focus seemed to blur. The blonde was desperately reaching out, trying to get her to calm down when suddenly Lena got very rigid, her eyes steeling themselves.

 

“Lena?”

 

“I’m fine, Kara,” the brunette tried to smile. “It doesn’t matter, really. I’ll be fine.”

 

The wall Lena was able to put up shook something in Kara, seeing just how much Lena has had to do this. Had to push away her feelings and hide them.

 

“Umm, yeah, ok. We should probably go meet up with Maggie and Alex and just, um, let them know. That you’re fine.”

 

“Sounds good.” Kara unlocked the door and reached for Lena’s hand, which the brunette took hesitantly. Despite her attempts at looking calm, Kara could feel the cold sweat on Lena’s palm, which only made her hold onto the woman tighter for fear of losing her. Alex and Maggie were waiting by the door, holding both women’s stuff.

 

“Thanks guys,” Kara smiled weakly, grabbing Lena’s stuff and handing it to her, then grabbing her own.

 

“Is everything ok?” Alex asked, which Kara responded to with a look that said _we_ _’ll talk about it later_. The two couples parted ways, and Lena couldn’t even tell how long it took to get home or how they even got there. It wasn’t until the clinking of keys on the marble countertops that Lena took in her surroundings. Her apartment felt cold and empty, devoid of any meaning. Sure it was expensive and maintained, but at the end of the day, she felt much more at home at Kara’s.

 

“Can we – “ her voice felt dry from not speaking the whole way back, so she coughed to clear her throat. “Can we go home?” Kara looked over at her, confusion evident on her face.

 

“Your apartment,” Lena clarified. “Home.” Tears welled up in her eyes, threatening to spill over. Kara rushed over to her, holding her hands gently.

 

“Of course. Anything you wanna grab here before we leave?”

 

“I can come back later,” Lena replied, voice shaking. Kara pulled her in to a hug, her strong arms wrapping around Lena.

 

“Yeah, yeah. No problem. Let’s go, hon.” But Lena didn’t move, burrowing deeper into the warmth surrounding her. Apparently during their walk over, clouds had begun to hang low in the sky, and now the rain began to fall, just as the tears soaked through Kara’s shirt.

 

“It’s going to be ok, I promise,” Kara whispered after a while, the sound of rain against the roof and their breathing the only noise until the break. Lena gripped the back of Kara’s shirt tighter as her tears and breathing slowed.

 

She couldn’t let Lillian hurt Kara, she’d make sure of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ahem ok
> 
> so lol sorry this took song long, but school happened, mardi gras happened, more school, i had to go to florida for something, had to go home, midterms, had to dance/stand on my feet for 26.2 hours, and a bunch of other stuff and now we're here! i also got a virus on my computer and it deleted my plan so i had to remember what i planned and rewrite that but that's all figured out! dead week is next week so probably no writing for the next two weeks (bc finals is write after dead week and ugh) so yeah. love y'all! 
> 
> hmu @ starryeyedhoe on tumblr if you wanna chit chat paddy wack 
> 
> song rec  
> wheres your heart gone? - golden youth (im sure i've recommended that in previous stuff before but oh whale)


	20. i'm sorry for what i said (yesterday was so blue)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lena needs to come face to face with her demons

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeyyyyy
> 
> how's everyone's favorite holy day of obligation, the feast of katya? (it's katya's birthday pls celebrate)
> 
> enjoy this fun little thing i just wrote
> 
> chapter title -  
> angelica's room by war is over

“We can’t pretend like this isn’t happening.”

 

The sun had set hours ago, and Kara was noticing the drop in Lena’s mood. She had become tense, exchanging terse words back and forth after they had arrived at Kara’s apartment. The white light of the TV lit up the room until the blonde had turned on the kitchen lights that bled into the living room. Kara had gotten up after hours of uncomfortable silence, her trying to drag any sort of conversation out of the other woman. Lena was sitting on the couch, but rather than sinking down into Kara’s side as she had grown accustomed to, both her arms and legs were crossed, her back not touching the cushion behind it.

 

“Like what isn’t happening?” she asked dumbly, manicured eyebrow raised in a challenge. She still wasn’t looking over at Kara who was leaning against the counter, arms folded across her chest, desperation clear on her face.

 

“Like you aren’t upset about your mom, Lena.” Kara’s voice took a careful tone, trying to avoid any sort of pity that would likely harden Lena any more than she already was.

 

“She’s coming. That’s it.”

 

“’That’s it?’ Lena, come on,” Kara could feel the frustration creep up in her voice, and she tried her best to repress it. “What if she wants to see you.”

 

“Then I will see her,” Lena shot out, head turning quickly to face Kara. “I am a CEO. A professional. I can’t let _feelings_ get in the way of business.”

 

“Lena –“ Kara began, voice breaking a bit. Her hands moved from their position and tucked themselves away in her front pants pockets. “I know how hard it must be. Whenever I see Mike, I – “

 

“I’m fine, Kara!” Lena snapped, standing up from the couch quickly. “I’ll be fine! It doesn’t matter how I feel, anyway.”

 

“Yes, it does! It’s ok to be upset, you don’t have to pretend it’s not hurting – “

 

“It’s not.” Lena squared her shoulders, chin rising in defiance. “I will be fine, Kara. I _am_ fine.” Her voice dropped an octave, a gravity Kara had never heard before. Her own hands were gripping onto the counter so tightly it felt like she could crumble the stone beneath her hands. The two locked eyes, the tension beyond palpable in the small apartment.

 

“I’m going home,” Lena said, slowly and purposefully as she began to gather her things.

 

“Lena, wait – “

 

“No, Kara. _You_ wait, and listen to me. You can’t just act like you know how I’m feeling. Just because your trauma fucked you up doesn’t mean everyone else is like that! I'm not going to sit here and have berate me over something you know _nothing_ about. You can wallow in your past but I refuse. Now, I’m going. I’ll see you.”

 

Before Kara could get another sound out, the door slammed close, the force shaking the walls. Fighting tears, Kara moved to turn off the TV, tidying up the remnants of Lena’s visit. Once that was done, she silently made her way to her room, shutting the door behind her. Taking off her clothes, she didn’t bother to grab a pair of pajamas before flopping onto the soft bedding. Rather than the usual welcoming feeling her bed provided, it felt cold, the heat from another body lacking. She curled herself up into a ball under the sheets, feeling the warm tears run down her face.

 

 _How could Lena have said those things? Mike_ _…_ _. Mike was a whole different level than a domestic spat. Lena knows that. She knows what he did, she wouldn_ _’_ _t_ _–_ _she couldn_ _’_ _t_ _–_

_But she did_.

 

Kara clung to the now damp pillow, breath coming in sporadically as she felt the waves of emotion crashing down. Her sobs wracked her chest as she tried to stay quiet, until she finally drifted off.

 

* * *

 

Lena immediately felt regret as soon as she closed the door. She should never have said those things, she knows. Kara would never use her mother like that to her Lena, so why did she feel ok using Mike? Lena had felt like a completely different person, a person she didn’t recognize, filled with anger. Her feet automatically carried her in the direction of her apartment, the bite of the wind hitting her face as she crossed her arms for warmth. _Where the fuck is my jacket?_

 

 _Fuck_. She left it at Kara, strewn across one of the chairs next to the counter. She couldn’t very well go back for it now, could she? So, she just gripped herself tighter, willing the wind to calm down for just a moment. The walk home gave her time to think, in between all the _shit it_ _’_ _s cold!_ that interrupted her thoughts.

 

 _Her mother was going to be here. The last time she saw her she_ _–_ Lena almost walked in front of a car, her wandering mind distracting her. _She_ _’_ _s going to hurt Kara. I won_ _’_ _t let her, she can_ _’_ _t. I won_ _’_ _t_. Her protective thoughts carried her through the cold, the warmth of the day clearly gone as soon as the sun had set. Lena finally made her way back, the large building housing her apartment looming in the darkness. The ride up was uneventful, the simple tune playing throughout the compartment unstimulating. Her dreary apartment welcomed her, the sharp edges cutting through the moonlight and casting intense shadows. The bed that welcomed her was anything but – the sheets neatly tucked into corners; harsh. Lena methodically prepared herself for bed before slipping into the tight sheets. Despite their high thread count and quality, something just felt too stiff, itchy against her skin. Rather than finding the deep sleep her exhausted body desired, the night was full of tossing and turning, legs kicking out in frustration. Checking the time, Lena sighed, getting out of bed and meandering over to the couch. The TV droned on, too early for anything newsworthy, too late for anything entertaining. Finally, the lull of the TV lured her to a restless sleep, ignoring the voice in her head reminding her that the couch would only hurt her back in the morning; a voice sounding far too similar to her mother’s…

 

* * *

 

The sun was low in the sky, clouds covering anything blue – _a weather to match her mood_ , Kara thought, somewhat bitterly. Lena hadn’t texted or called all morning her Snapchat notifications empty. She had managed to pull herself together, trying to look somewhat presentable, but what Lena had said – more like shouted – to her last night still rung in her head. _Should she be over Mike? Is she overreacting?_ The intrusive thoughts hung over her all morning, a dark cloud to match those in the sky.

 

Everyone in the office could sense it – they would have to be blind not to. The usual Sunny Kara Danver’s smile seemed dimmer, her laugh emptier. Winn tried to cheer her up by bringing her, her favorite sweets and snacks throughout the day. But still, Kara would wistfully sigh and check her phone, seeming worlds away. It wasn’t until a little before lunch when Kara’s phone rang, and she immediately hopped up from her desk, excusing herself to the hallway.

 

“Hello?”

 

* * *

 

Lena’s morning fared no better.

 

Her back ached immensely, the hard couch unsuitable for sleeping. The few hours of sleep she managed to catch were hardly restful, and the two dark circles under her eyes reflected that. Making her way to the kitchen, she started to brew some coffee in a pitiful attempt to feel anything like herself, but the empty feeling a part of her knew wasn’t just from the lack of sleep.

 

 _I was_ so _awful to her last night_ , Lena thought, head resting down against the cold marble of the counter, waiting for the coffee to brew. After a moment of sulking, she floated around to her pantry, searching for some sort of breakfast, but anything she found made her feel sick just looking at it. As soon as the coffee was done, Lena pounced, filling her cup and burning her tongue on the hot liquid. The warmth travelled through her body, but failed to last as the cold looming over her ever since news of her mother’s visit arrived took its hold once more.

 

Managing to get dress and put together, Lena put her mask back on, one that she hadn’t seen since Kara had waltzed into her life. Steeling her shoulders, Lena willed herself to be strong and ignore the image of two blue eyes filling with tears that was now burned into her head. As she made her way to work, she spent the whole car ride pulling herself together. Her mother would be here today and she needed to be ready. By the time she strolled through the glass entryway, her persona was fully formed, a look of confidence on her face; false to her but believable to anyone else who dared to look twice. Nodding at Jess once exiting the elevator, she opened the large and heavy doors to her office and somehow managed to not drop the cup of coffee in her hand at the sight in front of her.

 

Lillian Luthor stood behind Lena’s desk, hands playing with a simple paperweight. Her figure stood looming in front of the large windows; a dark mark in front of the bleak sky.

 

“Hello, dear,” the woman smiled sickly, making Lena’s empty stomach turn. “So good to see you. Sorry to drop in like this, but business is business. Need to make sure you’re not running us into the ground, no?”

 

Lena clenched her draw, forcing a smile onto her own face.

 

“Hello, mother. It’s fine, have you had anything to drink? I’m sure Jess wouldn’t mind making a run – “

 

“Your assistant does the work of an intern?” Lillian laughed mockingly. “Things must be worse than they seem.”

 

Lena bit back the reply on her tongue, choosing instead to walk over to her desk, her presence moving the woman away from the chair. Lillian raised an eyebrow, walking around to the front.

 

“Anything you’d like to see? I’m sure you’ll find that everything is in perfect order. Sales are up, as are stocks – “

 

“I’m not here to talk shop, Lena,” her mother interrupted, holding up an authoritative hand and sitting down in the chair in front of the desk. “I’m here to talk about our little problem.” Lena’s brow furrowed, puzzled.

 

“Problem?”

 

“The girl, Lena. Don’t play dumb. That little Kara Danvers over at CatCo. I know I raised you better than to mingle with _assistants_.” The blood in her veins began to boil. “I’m not afraid to do what I have to, Lena. She’s a distraction. You’ve been taking more days off, handing meetings – important meetings, mind you – to random employees.”

 

“They’re not random they’re – “

 

“If you don’t stop this nonsense, I will.” Her mother rose, putting her hands on the desk and leaning in. “You know what I can do. She’s nothing, a nobody who Cat Grant can and will replace in an instant. I know all about her past, about that police report filed about that boy –“

 

“Don’t you even dar –“

 

“Be careful, now. Or things can get much worse much faster.” The force at which Lillian spoke those last words flung spit across the narrow space between their faces. “I warned you before. Consider this the final one. I will not have our legacy tainted by your escapades and conquests. You need to grow up and see the impracticality of your indiscretions.” Lillian rose, straightening the non-existent wrinkles on her crisp blazer.

 

“When you’re ready to grow up, which I hope will be soon, I have plenty of men ready and willing to marry you. I will not be passing this company down to some random squabble off the street, no matter how qualified you believe them to be.” Her mother turned and walked towards the door, hand gripping the handle.

 

“Please be quick about it dear. I’d rather not dirty my own hand. See you at 7 for dinner, my people will contact yours.”

 

The door closed silently as Lillian left, leaving Lena slumped against her chair. Without even thinking about it, her hand reached for the phone that had been placed on her desk, automatically dialing the number she needed, pulling it numbly up towards her ear before a sweet melodic tone drifted through the speaker after one ring.

 

“Hello?”

 

“ _Kara_ –“ was all she managed to get out, before dissolving into tears.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> so i wasn't planning on this being written lol, but i managed to finish most of my finals (3 of 5 of them are take home so that was nice) and to waste time bc all my friends are studying and being productive, i wrote this! i'll be on the road starting Thursday night and will be busy looking for employment opportunities so might not get around as soon as i'd like, but hopefully this'll hold y'all over for a while. 
> 
>  
> 
> byyyeeeeeeeeee
> 
> song rec -  
> asos model crush by dné


	21. do you feel like you're dying?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The aftermath of the phone call...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! ok, pls don't hate me! i know its been a while but i wanted to get something out before pride ended (its still technically June for me here so) but here! have this!
> 
> k bye
> 
>  
> 
> chapter title   
> small talk - call security

The voice breaking on the phone ripped at Kara’s heartstrings, almost washing away the hurt from yesterday. But a gentle sob in her ear brought her back to reality and the gravity of the situation. Lena had gone too far and they needed to talk about it. This couldn’t be just another thing to brush under the rug.

 

“Lena, are you ok?” Kara wanted to mentally kick herself for the amount of worry that snuck through her voice, her free arm coming to wrap around her front. She pulled herself into a corner of the hallway, hoping no one would notice her tense state.

 

“She – she was here and she – and I couldn’t – “

 

“Deep breaths,” Kara reminded the frantic woman, hoping to calm her down. “Do you need me to swing – “

 

Before she could fully get the question out, Lena stopped her.

 

“No, no! That’ll only make it worse!” Kara could hear her voice waver, as if her speech betrayed her true feelings. “I just need – need to calm down. I can’t – can’t breathe – “

 

“Let’s count, okay hon?” This time Kara actually did berate herself mentally at the slip of the pet name. “1, 2, 3…” and so on in the breathing pattern until she could hear Lena’s breathing even out in her ear.

 

“Thank you, Kara,” Lena said after a few moments of silence.

 

“Don’t mention it.” It was a few more moments till either one said anything again, just enjoying each other’s presence over the phone.

 

“I should let you go,” the brunette broke the silence, almost jolting Kara out of her relaxed state. “I realize it during working hours and I rather not risk your employment for something silly like this.”

 

“It’s not silly –“

 

“Really, I’m sorry. I’ll let you get back to it. Goodbye, Kara.”

 

“Bye.” The line clicked, and the droning tone that followed buzzed in Kara’s head, her body feeling almost disconnected from her brain. Lena had been so close, and yet…

 

The thoughts and feelings of yesterday came flooding back. The sharp words, the harsh glares, the resounding _thud_ of the door slamming in on its frame when Lena left. Where she had felt empty, all the blonde could feel now was _rage_. Rage boiling up inside her until her fist clenched, digging her fingernails into her soft palms. Kara stormed back to her desk, laser focused on it while anyone in her way quickly dodged out of it.

 

“Whoa, what’s up with you – “ Winn began before Kara’s hand shot up in front of him.

 

“Not now, Winn.” Her friend’s hands quickly rose up in defense, an apology written across his face before turning back to his work.

 

Kara was fuming, hands typing away at her keyboard before she really knew what she was doing, her email pulled up with a familiar recipient.

 

* * *

 

 _5 PM. My place. Don_ _’t be late, we need to talk_.

 

The curt message chilled Lena. Sure, she should be trying to push Kara away after what her mother threatened, but she couldn’t bring herself to do it. However, this message from Kara seemed to be the nail in the coffin.

 

_Kara hates me and she_ _’s going to end_ _… whatever this is. I deserve it. I_ _’m horrible, I_ _’ve said horrible things. I don_ _’t deserve her forgiveness._

 

These thoughts plagued Lena all the way until she reached Kara’s doorstep at 4:59, allowing one minute to try to compose herself. She shook her head dumbly, trying to get these thoughts to clear before she checked her watch. Precisely 5 PM. Her arm felt like lead as she lifted her fist towards the door, but the heaviness didn’t seem to translate as the rapping against the wood was faint, almost inaudible.

 

Still, it seemed to have worked as she soon heard the locks turning and the door swung open.

 

“Lena,” Kara seemed out of breath, her body blocking entry. They stood like that, Kara at the door and Lena staring at her, hands gripping onto the straps of her purse for dear life, before the blonde seemed to realize what was happening.

 

“Please, come in,” she motioned, taking a few steps back and opening the door wider, allowing the other woman to enter. All Lena could do was nod. Kara would never stop being the most beautiful person to her, even long after she would leave her life. Lena was sure of it. She took a few shaky steps into the apartment, a place that just the other day had felt so warm and inviting, that now feels like it’s the setting to her proverbial end.

 

While she wasn’t sure exactly _how_ it would happen, Lena knew that she needed to end their… _thing_. For Kara’s sake. She was so good that Lena was sure she would find someone far better and less damaged than her to spend her life with. No one that comes with a _Caution: Mother Deadly_ warning.

 

“Would you like something to drink?” Kara asked hesitantly, grabbing herself a glass to fill.

 

“I’m fine, thank you,” Lena managed to get out, squaring her shoulders. She listened closely as the tap turned on, the water filling the simple cup.

 

“You can have a seat.”

 

“I’d rather stand.” Lena was still facing away from Kara, looking out her the windows of her apartment at the lights surrounding them, just beginning to turn on as the sun began to set. It always looked so different down here. The same city, the same lights, but being so high up in her own penthouse pulled her out of the brightness, as if she were truly above them. Down here, it was like being a part of the buzz, of the life of the city. Now, however, it felt off, as if she didn’t actually belong. That as soon as she left this place, she would never be able to return. The life of the city – _and of Kara_ , she thought wistfully – would no longer be within her grasp.

 

“Lena,” Kara began, and the CEO could _hear_ the desperation and hurt in the other woman’s voice. Pain that _she_ had caused. That she could never take back. No number of apologies would ever make up for that, Lena resolved herself.

 

“I know,” Lena sighed. “It’s all my fault. No apology could make this better, I know. I just –“

 

“Lena, please!” Kara interrupted. “Let me speak!” Lena finally turned around, shocked by the shouts.

 

“What you said was wrong. It hurt. It hurt so _bad,_ Lena,” Kara’s eyes were pleading with her own, begging her to understand. “And then I got so angry at work and I just….” Kara’s bright blue eyes turned towards the floor, and it took everything in her not to go over to her and hold her hands tightly in her own, let her know it was alright. But she did. Lena stayed rooted to her spot, unmoving, her eyes darting back and forth between Kara’s.

 

“What can we do, Lena? I love – “ Kara stopped herself. “I can’t _not_ be with you, Lena. It’s like you were always meant to be in my life. Losing you would be…” Kara searched for the words, hands flailing desperately. “I don’t know! But it wouldn’t be good.” Those baby blues filled with tears ready to spill and Lena could feel her heart pulling. “Please, Lena. Say something!”

 

“I…” Lena’s throat was threatening to close, the words failing to escape her. Kara looked at her, really and truly _looked_ , her eyes searching for something it felt like she couldn’t find. Soon enough, Kara began to turn around, and suddenly the words _wouldn_ _’t_ stop.

 

“I don’t want to lose you either. You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me. I don’t know what on earth decided that you needed to call me instead of your sister, that our numbers are so close. You mean everything to me, Kara.”

 

The words hung in the air, with those still yearning to be said lingering on Lena’s tongue. Three little words.

 

“But I can’t.”

 

Those three words seemingly caused the world around Kara to crumble, the look on her face making Lena feel as though she had just kicked a puppy. Her back turned towards Lena sharply, arms crossed in front of her stomach as if she was trying to protect herself from Lena’s stabbing words.

 

“I need you, Kara. I need you more than air or water or anything else clichéd I can say! But… my mother… she – “

 

“She what, Lena?!” The anger flared in the blonde’s eyes as she whipped back around. “What could she possibly –“

 

“She could hurt you!” Lena finally admitted, the dreaded words that had been pounding in her head since her mother intruded into her office. “She _knows_ , Kara. She knows everything!”

 

“I don’t – “

 

“She knows about you and me. She knows everything about you. Even Mike. Everything that happened between you two. And believe me, she is not against using that.” A tense silent built between them.

 

“She threatened you, Kara. I can’t –“ The tears that began to build at her admittance began to fall, and soon the sobs wracked her chest so strongly she couldn’t even find the strength to stand. All of a sudden, Lena felt strong arms wrap around her, holding her up when she couldn’t on her own. _Kara_. She was always there to hold her, give her strength, yet she could still feel her slipping through her fingers as she let her go.

 

* * *

 

“Oh Lena,” she whispered, peppering the top of her head in light kisses, wishing the pain away. Lena’s hands clutched the fabric of her shirt. _So soft, just like Kara. Always so soft, so welcoming_ ….

 

“I don’t want to end… whatever this is,” Kara whispered into her ear when Lena’s sobs began to weaken. “But I can see she’s hurting you. And that hurts me. I can’t bear to see you in pain, Lena.” Kara turned her gently in her arms, hands going to Lena’s face to brush away the tears and get her to look at her.

 

“We can take a break. I’ll still snap you every day. We aren’t going to let that streak die _now_ , are we?” she weakly chuckled, her heart warming when a small smile appeared on Lena’s perfect lips. “We won’t be done, but this way you can deal with your mother, but you won’t have to do it alone. And you don’t have to worry about putting me in danger, yeah?” Lena nodded in agreement.

 

They stayed that way for a while, Kara rubbing soothing circles on Lena’s back, her breath evening out after some time, with the occasional cry hiccupping out.

 

“I have to go,” Lena said quietly after some time, afraid to disturb the comforting silence. “My mother wants to have dinner at 7, and I have to go and change.”

 

“You still have some things here,” Kara whispered. “I’ll help.” Lena could only nod.

 

She was halfway out the door, the clock showing 6:30 – plenty of time – when Lena turned back around, surprising Kara who was just a step behind her.

 

“Can I come back after? Just one last time?” Lena’s normally steely eyes were unable to hide the fear she currently felt, and Kara felt her heart tug.

 

“Of course.” With that, Lena leaned in for a quick peck, her hand squeezing Kara’s before she turned back towards the empty hall, just barely able to tear her eyes away from the brilliance that were Kara’s own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hmmmm okay so yes hi i've been gone totally my b!  
> ive been struggling to find a job, and still haven't found one and its just made me feel totally useless. i've been wanting to write this chapter for so long, i just felt so useless that i didn't think i deserved to and i had to take care of my sister and it was just a lot. i have no friends back home really bc they're all gone being important and all my other friends are back at school being important and i just felt so.... well, useless.   
> I would love to write more, but i need money. if you guys are interested in supporting me, let me know and i might try to think of someways to do that, but i don't want this to seem like its a money grab or anything bc i still really do enjoy this and will continue to write. but i am bad at writing so i understand why you wouldn't wanna waste good money on this lololol  
> sorry i probably suck and you can just ignore that
> 
> have a good rest of pride year! (bc its 20gayteen)! i love you all to the moon and back. pls leave a comment if you wish bc it fills my heart or hmu @starryeyedhoe on tumblr if you wanna talk to me there bc i am v lonely and i love doing ask memes!
> 
> song rec   
> cherry wine - born ruffians


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